Little Kite Girl

Got a little mail today. Guess I’m official.

It doesn’t even say Philosophy on it.  Made me a little sad.  But at least the fridge is a little more decorated now.

Today John and I decided to be independent.  This might sound silly to most people out there, and I really never knew I was like this….but I LOVE for us to do everything together.  Pretty much, if we’re not working or at school, we’re together.  Grocery store, errands, eating food, watching movies, going on walks….it’s all together.  Well, on this “extra Saturday” of ours (oh thank you for Memorial Day) I had plans to go out with a friend and get a pedicure.  I don’t get pedicures often but I ALWAYS do at home mani/pedis, almost every week or so.  As my belly gets bigger it gets harder to do a good job.  So that was MY plan- and knowing that John would be on his own I encouraged him to do something fun.  Originally he was to go shooting with his brothers- but the early hour combined with some nasty weather discouraged that idea.  Finally he realised that there was a movie that he wanted to see that I was less interested in (Indiana Jones…Crystal Skull…something or other).  After he decided on his fabulous afternoon my plans kind of fell through because my friend’s parents came into town (raincheck, Shanna!) but I decided to get a pedicure anyway.

It was so nice.

Honestly, I think I can do just as good a job for much less money- but I almost fell asleep in the chair I was so relaxed.  And I got a nice leg massage and got to pick a color I enjoy and read a magazine, and yes.  It was just nice.  Then I ran some errands and waited for John to get done with his movie.

On my way home through the rainy streets of Provo, something dawned on me.

I am very, very happy.

I may be very close to poor, I may be getting fatter every day, and I may live far away from people I really really love- but all things considered, I am a very very very happy girl.  Must be doing something right, yeah?

Ok- so before I get on rant about how they DISCONTINUED THE BEST KIND OF BAGELS EVER I’d just like to say that I have a wonderful, wonderful husband.  I say this not because he just rubbed my feet with pepperminty lotion (because he did, and it was VERY nice, although something that I never asked for before I got pregnant because it freaked me out but now I just need it) and not because he’s a wonder cleaner and cleans things like a crazy person because he knows I like it, but just because he’s him.  I just told him that sometimes when I see him smile I KNOW I was meant to marry just him.  And you know why?  Because when I was 10 or so  I fell in love with eye crinkles.  I watched Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves and rewound the end wedding day kiss again and again so that I could watch Kevin Costner’s eye crinkles.  I think this is when my mother knew I would marry an older man.  And I did- and when John is TRULY in a good mood, just plain happy, his eye crinkles are exactly what I pictured in my mind they’d be.  And I love him.

Today was a good day, I would say.  We got up early (for us)(for a Saturday) and went to the Provo Temple.  This was nice for a variety of reasons.  First of all, John asked me to go last Sunday- so it felt special, and a little like a date.  But it was also nice to start our day earlier than usual on the weekend and to be able to put all our worries aside and concentrate on eternal things for a couple of hours.  I was thinking about why I love the temple so much today- and I think it’s because when I’m there, I’m able to think about absolutely nothing.  That might seem kind of- well, bad.  I go to a special place to meditate on the things of God- and I end up thinking about nothing?  But you have to understand- my mind whirs all the time.  When I am at work, I’m thinking about work and I’m thinking about Camper and about money and about my family and about what to eat for dinner and about how my butt may never look the same again….and then at home I have even MORE thoughts and I won’t even get into the list of things I think about at school, or driving to school, or grocery shopping or doing the dishes or….well, you get the point.  When I’m sitting in the temple my mind just clears and I really really believe that everything’s going to be ok.  Forever.  It will be forever forever ok- and I just have to wait it out and enjoy the ride.  And it just feels good.

After the temple we came home for a change of clothes and some food for pregg-O ME, and then we headed out again.  We needed a few things here and there and ended up headed to the outlets in Park City.  Let’s just say we’ve been lookin’ a little shabby lately, and a long “on the poorer side” period had resulting in no new things for a while.  But alas- we BOTH got raises at work in the last month and thanks to the government (thank you government) were able to put some monies aside- which also led to us allotting a bit for some new clothing.  It’s nice to have a few new things and things that FIT on top of it.  Pretty sweet.

The absolute highlight of the day had nothing to do with new clothes though, if I have to say so.  As a result of John’s doctor’s visits this last month we’ve discovered and believe, though timidly, that he doesn’t actually have Celiac disease, but rather IBS.  Seriously ouchy IBS.  I also believe that the time period that he was forced to cut wheat out of his diet altogether was caused by a serious ulcer in his stomach that has since healed.  The doctor saw it during the scoping event of last week.  The ulcer might have been stress combined with a carbohydrate/wheat intolerance that led to his completely give up wheat because it made him feel better, just not completely.  But ANYWAY- the doctor gave him a pill that he’s been taking every morning/evening to control his stomach symptoms.  He also told him to take Beano before eating problem foods.  I couldn’t believe it- BEANO?  After all this time and after avoiding so many things- we find out that a big part of his problem might be helped by something we can get for 10$ a WalMart.  Apparently, yesterday he had a trial run with some teryaki sauce and the Beano.  He was fine today- which led him to be braver today.  Which leads to the best moment of the day:

He ate KFC.  He had fried chicken and mashed potatoes WITH gravy, and yes, a biscuit.  It may be due the pregnancy, but I was almost emotional about it- I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he ate.  I couldn’t even finish my food and ended up watching him finish that, too.  Granted, we’ll need to wait until tomorrow if he can deal with THAT much wheat or if the Beano will only help with things like Teryaki sauce….but I loved seeing him eat something he loved and has missed so much.  Could you imagine life without your favorite foods?  That’s how he’s been living for years.

So keep your fingers crossed kids- because I would really love for it to be this easy.

Oh, and as for the bagels- they discontinued the frozen ones.  My very favorite perfectly sized frozen bagels.  Either that or the 3 year old they had stocking the frozen section had no clue about what he was talking about.  Equally viable possibilities, I guess, huh?  Yeah.

What a week already, wowza. Yesterday was finalizing payroll- busy, awkward because in the process of “upgrading” my computer tech support also took away all my most vital programs/files. I was given the minimal tools to do what I absolutely had to do (better, prettier, faster, tools…just less of them) and just watched the other work that I couldn’t get to pile up around me. Today our VP actually gave me his office for a couple hours so I could get things done. It was interesting to see how many people walk into his office every hour. They all asked, “Are you moving into this office?” I told them, “Yes.” Just to see how that affects things tomorrow.

This morning was crazy- my boss who is a WONDERFUL boss and usually all over everything forgot an important part of the payroll process dealing with direct deposit- which caused a small upheaval. People didn’t get paid- which made them unhappy. It did make the morning fly by, that’s for sure. Rushing to cut people checks and hearing them explain that they “have direct deposit for a reason.” Yes, yes I know. But people are human- give us a break. My boss makes maybe one mistake a year.  Can she help it if they just happen to be dooseys?

It was all fixed by noon- which was lucky because I had an ultrasound appointment to get to. I was excited to see our little boy at 22 weeks- but I have to say, I was left rather…..unsatisfied. You have to understand, when we go see the study doctor he shows us AMAZING pictures using the most up to date equipment. He’s a doctor- so he’s knowledgeable enough and authorized to tell us all kinds of cool stuff about our impending child. He always takes his time, too- and aside from being FREE, he makes us a free video and prints us out 400 pictures and we can actually SEE things in them. It’s pretty amazing. The woman who did our ultrasound today…well, she was a technician- not a doctor. I asked her a number of questions which she couldn’t/didn’t answer. Sometimes she was so focused on looking at the grey squigglies that she didn’t answer me at all. We did see Camper kick and punch a bit, and got a blurry view of his profile, but aside from that….not much. I asked her what kind of fruit he was the size of (our other doctor ALWAYS tell us what kind of fruit he is) and she had no clue. At the end she said, “Any questions?” I said no…she said, “Are you sure? No questions?” and I wanted to say, “Um, I’ve asked you about 42 questions and paid you $30 so you could say you don’t know the answers. I think it’s time for me to go get a sandwich now.” But I didn’t. We just left glad we didn’t pay the extra money to get the CD of squiggles she looked at. All in all- it was a diagnostic test. The doctor will get the results- she said his spine and his lips and his parts all looked well-formed. So I’m glad we went. But seriously, I wish we could just see the study doctor EVERY time.

Tonight Jonathan came over and John made us some pancakes and bacon for a birthday dinner- I love when my brother comes around. It’s cool to me that he comes over for food and to get a hug and to get lathered in aloe when he gets sunburned. It made me happy to have him hang out- if only for an hour or so.

The rest of the evening was spent working on homework. I think I’m learning what it’s like to be in grad school- if only part time. There actually is quite a lot of reading and work to get done- and with working full time it makes me TIRED. But it’s worth it- working toward some greater end is worth it.

And with that….I end my post and my day. I think it’s DEFINITELY time for some sleep- for sure. Here’s to trying to sleep through the night….

Just checking in, world.  Today was a good day- I’m super tired, regardless of the nap I took this afternoon.  Church was good, one of those days when I just enjoyed being around people I only kind of know.  Again, I’m struck by a sense of community here.  Even though it’s going to be a squeeze space-wise, I’m looking forward to having our baby here.  And September…it still should be kind of warm?  Right?  Still time to take walks around and play in the backyard a bit.

Yesterday was very, very busy.  Thanks Becca, for organising the picnic!  I really loved getting outside and watching the kiddies play and just eating some yummy food and having good conversation.  Becca found a great spot at the park that was near a little brook, nice and shady.  I could’ve eaten a hundred hotdogs.  But I limited myself to one…and a hamburger.  And some chips…yup…it was good stuff.

Now onto another week.  We have ultrasound number 3 on Tuesday, it’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow, and of course…school.  So another busy one!

Oh! And new pregnancy things- I’m feeling Camper move around now!  He’s a wiggly little thing, usually from about 2pm until 8 I feel him pretty constantly.  He’s a late riser. Although, he did get up for church this morning, which provided some added entertainment in my meetings today. :)

It’s been a bit of an emotional day for me.  Lots of interesting experiences- all compounded by my pregnancy, I’m sure, but even still, I feel the need to get some of it out.

This morning John went to the doctor for an endoscopy/colonoscopy combo.  I didn’t anticipate being so nervous as we drove there.  It’s a rather routine procedure…not so much in our family, but most people who heard about what he had to do had either had one or knew someone who had.  There was virtually no risk at all.  We got there, I watched him fill out paperwork, and then they took him back.  He handed me his sunglasses and then his ring, and then went through the door.  As I sat there I started to worry.  What if something went wrong?  What if something was wrong in HIM that made this test less routine? I hadn’t hugged him before he went back there, what if I didn’t have the chance again?  I quickly stopped THAT line of thinking as it was NOT helpful and almost a little ridiculous, and decided to watch people around me instead.

I quickly noticed that all the people in the waiting room were old.  There was one couple that came in and sat in front of me who were probably in their late 70’s or early 80’s….I couldn’t tell.  What struck me was… they were holding hands.  They weren’t, however, holding hands like people do walking around BYU campus.  It wasn’t ostentatious or needy- they didn’t seem to have to work at it or shift themselves awkwardly in their seats to maintain a perfect grip.  They simply had their hands fit together.  They both looked soft, tired, but not worn out or used up.  The man said to the woman, “Are you nervous?”  She answered, “No, not really.  They’ll put me to sleep, I won’t remember it.”  He said, “Well then how are you supposed to give me an opinion or recommendation?”   She laughed, but it was completely silent.   It was more of a glowing than a laughing really, but it accomplished the same thing.  He just smiled.  When they called her back he moved his chair to be closer to the door where she would come out.  It literally broke my heart.  You know that good/bad beautifully sad kind of feeling?  I just sat there looking at my ring on my left hand and John’s ring on my right and realizing that someday we would be old.  And I hope he waits by the door for me, too.

The other emotional thing was that as people were done with their tests the nurse came into the waiting area to call the person there to sit with them.  Every other person or so wasn’t there, for whatever reason, and it dawned on me that the person laying in the bed inside had to wake up on their own.  It was a strange juxtaposition to the sweet man sitting by the recovery door as if he was waiting at the altar for his bride to walk down the aisle.  It was VERY dramatic in my head- and I was grateful to have some homework to work on so that I was distracted from all the things I had running through my head about love and marriage and humanity and my need for John to live forever.  And ever.

When they called me back John was totally PASSED OUT.  It took him a long time to wake up- and although when he finally did come to he was making me laugh with his incoherent comments- I was desperate for him to keep his eyes open and make some sense.  John’s Mom came and waited for us.  It was good to see her and know that I had someone there to help me get him home.  Men on drugs are HEAVY, and usually I wouldn’t mind helping him the the car/house…I was afraid that if he fell it could be bad for the baby.  She waited in the waiting room while I helped him wake up and get dressed.  If you’ve never had to help someone you love put on their shoes as they lie in a hospital bed, be grateful.  However benign the situation actually is, it can make you realise just how sensitive all this happiness is.

We got home and I went out to get his meds and some food.  I went home and we just visited as John was still working his way into coherency.  When Becca came over she brought our two nephews and our niece, and 6 little arms giving me hugs were just the pick me up I needed to get me out of my temperamental fears.  All in all, I’m glad it’s over.  I’m glad we know more about his condition and might know even more in a week or so, and that John may be able to have a more normal diet.  We’ll have to see.  But more than anything, I’m just glad he’s fine.  And that we get to belong to each other and have as many years as we can possibly imagine perfectly our hand holding.

Oh yes!  And good job Sara!!  She had Cutter the other night- he’s a beautiful boy!!  I got a text message about an hour after hearing the news from Melissa, it was Sara “I HAVE A BABY!!”  Who sends text messages an HOUR after having a baby?  She’s a trooper, and cracks me UP.

Welcome to the world, Cutter!

I’m a little groggy this morning (rough night, I remember eating a bagel around 3am…??) I just wanted to post a quick

THANKS!!!

To my women-in-law for a fun and fabulous shower last night.  It was so fun to see all the kiddies playing together and think that I’ll be adding to that pile soon!  The games were fun, informational, AND I didn’t get wrapped in toilet paper.  So far baby showers win over bridal showers ;) Thanks for all the gifts for me and for Little Camper!!