My life, one year ago. Is is possible I was like…15 years younger then?
Archive for July, 2008
One Year Ago Today
Thursday, July 31st, 2008Another Doctor Another Day
Thursday, July 31st, 2008Yesterday was interesting. I got up…got ready for work. I made a decision to lay off the imodium. Mostly because I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in…over a week. I started to feel some familiar pain and realised that I needed to at the very least slow the pills down to see what my body was actually doing. Funnily enough- except for cramping and some pain in my back, I haven’t gotten too sick again without it. I made it to work, started to go about my day, and sometime around 1 decided to run next door to grab some lunch. (Note: I had been snacking on granola, water, and dried apricots all morning, and that was AFTER having a bowl of Cheerios before leaving the house.) I get over to Macey’s with my friend Anisa and we buy some food- and all of a sudden I realise that if I don’t sit down, I’m going to go down. Hard. I found the cafe area and almost sat on some little boy who was sitting there innocently trying to enjoy his king kone. I tried to eat a little, thinking my blood sugar might be low, but I just got dizzier and dizzier. Finally Anisa ran next door to get my phone and alert our boss what was going on. Before I knew it, the VP of my department, accompanied by a couple other people were all sitting at Macey’s with me waiting for my Mom to come get me. I was way out of it- my Mom said I was repeating myself, and all I really remember is the VP saying, “What are we going to do with you?” and me responding, “I thought a hot dog would help!” I was told not to worry about anything…just to go home and rest. When my Mom got me I thought that I should probably just go into Urgent Care at BYU. So…two and a half hours and some icy gatorade later…we find out that not only has my iron dropped MORE, but that my blood count in general is low. Lower than earlier this month. And I haven’t gained any weight- even with the insane amount of food I’ve been eating. Less blood and iron means less oxygen which means less energy and more of an ability to just…pass out…at the store. So now we’re waiting to go see the GI this morning, the OBGYN tomorrow morning, and PRAY, just pray, that they do something. Seriously, not enough blood? How does that even happen? To end with the good news, Camper is absolutely fine. He is kicking so crazy hard these days- I think all the beef my Mom is feeding me is doing him well. Now if I could just make it through a day’s work…we’d be all set.
Big breath. As hard as all this is we’re all doing well. I’ve got all the help I need, and I think I’ve realised that I just need to be patient. Here’s to hoping detailed medical posts with no good news for awhile isn’t too disheartening to anyone out there. We’re still having a baby :) And I’m still in love with my family. So it’ll be ok.
One More- Milton this time
Thursday, July 31st, 2008John Milton wrote this about his blindness, but lines of it have also been running through my head lately as I’ve struggled to perform my daily functions.
As I Got Out of the Shower…
Thursday, July 31st, 2008As I got out of the shower this morning and looked in the mirror, this poem came into my mind. It’s called Pied Beauty by Gerard Hopkins…and for some reason reminds me of being pregnant. Haha. I’m not sure why, unless dappled means less spotty and more dimply. Let’s just call it cherubic, shall we?
| GLORY be to God for dappled things— | |
| For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow; | |
| For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim; | |
| Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings; | |
| Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough; | 5 |
| And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim. | |
| All things counter, original, spare, strange; | |
| Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) | |
| With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; | |
| He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: | 10 |
| Praise him. |
The Hard Truth
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008In response to Kate on John and Kate Plus 8 calling her daughter’s pottery “real art:”
John: That is not, and never will be, real art.
Me: Just wait until your son makes something.
John: I’ll tell him I like it, I guess. I just won’t mean it.
Mom: Yeah- I still have that painting of a banana in our kitchen.
Me: Hey! You said you liked that picture!
Mom: Yeah…I do like it…
comments followed by quiet snortling as I realise that my banana isn’t art….
Quiet Night
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008So, I didn’t make it all the way through work today. I got through til about 1…but I was hurting so badly I ended up calling my Mom, coming home, and going to sleep for a couple of hours. It was a slow day at work, though, and so I was able to get everything done I needed to before skipping out. My body felt better after my nap- but I’m just feeling so dense these days. I can’t separate regular pregnancy discomfort from whatever else is wrong with me. I have another appointment with Dr. Bodily on Thursday (funny name…I know…) so maybe we’ll gain some more insight. After I woke up and did a little school work- my Mom and I went and sat out in the backyard for a bit. A few minutes turned into two hours- I just couldn’t get enough of the air and the outside and the not being in my house. Camper liked it too- when I sat back in the lawn chair he started going crazy in there. Silly kiddo. We sat outside until it was dark, Jonathan left (he was over eating and playing some game on the computer), John took a walk and came back, and now it’s time for bed. It feels like it’s been quiet today. So hopefully some good rest tonight.
Chillin’ with the Fam
Sunday, July 27th, 2008I managed to make it to church today. At least the first meeting, anyway. Jonathan came :) It makes me happy when he shows up. He took me home after the first meeting and said, “Did you drink your orange juice?” Apparently my Mother told him to make sure I had some when I got home. I said, “No….” He said, “Well! I’m getting it. You have to drink it all…I don’t know why.” Haha. He’s a good brother. I’ve just been resting the rest of the afternoon, enjoying the company of my family. The only thing that would make it better is if we were in Massachusetts and my Dad were here, too.
Almost back to work…oh how the weekends fly fly away. At least I have a whole lot of iron and protein running through my system…on top of a new pedicure to get me through tomorrow. One thing at a time.
Saturday with My MOM and Husband
Saturday, July 26th, 2008My Mom flew in Thursday to help take care of me :) We didn’t do much that day- just napped and had some food, ran to WalMart. She decided that I am too amazingly pale and that I need to eat red meat. Every day. That is difficult for a girl who doesn’t necessarily even eat MEAT every day to begin with. But, with low iron and chronic stomach issues…apparently red meat packs nutrients that I need, and if I gleen just a bit of whatever it is in there it will make me feel better. It’s funny (or not funny…) but everyone at work has been telling me for weeks: “You’re so pale! Oh my gosh…you are sooo pale. Erin! Your lips disappeared!” But I just figured that it was a side affect of the baby getting all my nutrients and the rest being wasted. But my Mom has a plan. After some steak last night…I feel a little better this morning. I did put on some blush before I came out of the bathroom this morning, however, seeing if I could avoid her trying to get me to eat red meat with my Cheerios.
And for those that wonder, I did go to work yesterday- and stayed for the entire 8 hours for the first time in awhile. It was a low-key day. Lots of people taking vacations and leaving early. We kept some of the lights off in our office, it kind of felt like one of those days in high school when you have some freakish heat wave and the administration spends a couple hours trying to decide if everyone is going home or stick it out- and the “meantime” activity is “self sustained silent reading” with the lights off and the fans blowing. I came home and my Mom made salad and steak for dinner, Jonathan came over, my Mom had a twin bed delivered (RC Wiley…she didn’t know…) and that was that. I ended up going into our room to “get ready for bed,” laid down for a minute to read, and passed out. I slept pretty well until about 7 am when my body starting screaming for pills.
Usually on Saturday mornings John and I do our “weekly cleaning” routine- complete with checklist and timeframe, etc. When I got out of bed today I tried my best to let John sleep (he’s been missing sleep with me as I’m out of bed at night…every few hours…feeling sick and being pathetic) and my Mom and I went out to get her signed up for Curves down the hill. She convinced me that I should use my morning energy to have some fun…and leave the cleaning for later. That seemed like an amazing idea and served me well as we got our toes done and then ran to the mall with John for a bit. However, when we got home and started the cleaning I had a small breakdown about my lack of ability to do what I normally do- during which I was comforted by my Mom who said, “This is why I am here,” and my husband who said, “We all do things for the people we love.” It’s just so FRUSTRATING that I have such a need for things to be just so, and the complete lack of ability to make them that way these days. But, as I said, I’m lucky to have people who love me enough to encourage me to have a little fun with the little energy I have…and then take up the slack when I can’t get things done around the house.
And speaking of around the house…we have an outstanding amount of food around here these days! Salads and meats and watermelons- and tomorrow I hear a rumor that there will be some pot pie. (My brother’s favorite.) John was even talking about making some brownies tonight. I think I’ll gain the weight back in no time…as long as I keep taking the Imodium anyway. Arg. Stupid stomach issues.
Hmmmm…what else…oh yes! We got my Mom a BLOG. She’s soon to be found at LisaAnnWrites.com. I’ve still got to help her set it up and show her the ropes…but I think it’ll be just perfect for her. Just perfect. More later.
Wee Recap
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008Today was another long day. Work…lots of thinking about how to be more productive and help others to be more productive…putting out small fires…reporting the big ones. You know, one of those days. I also took less medicine today to see if the new pill the doctor gave me did anything. I was okish, until about 4pm when it all just fell apart. I ended up driving home in pain and then crashing on the couch…hard. When I woke up John made me some soup and I was able to function a bit, but not without the crashing first.
John’s taken to walking again in the evenings. I’m glad- because I know it makes him feel better, relieves stress, helps him be healthier. I wish I could go with him, but I would seriously hinder what he’s trying to do. I can’t walk far, I can’t walk fast, and I barely have the energy to get to my car these days. It’s sad. Last summer this time we went on walks up the canyon almost every night. Funnily enough, last year this time my Mom was here too, my brother was still living with me, and I was very much not pregnant. I was, however, about to get married.
Yes! It’s almost our 1 year anniversary! And I’ll be big and bloated and full of baby. :) Oh how things change. Last year, a princess, this year, a whale. But it’s exactly how it should be for our little family. ALSO, it’s almost time for Shark Week!!!! We totally missed it last year because of the whole marriage thing. Plenty of time this summer to enjoy it, haha.
My Mom is Coming!!
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008My favorite news of today: my Mom is coming! She flies in on Thursday. Who knows how long she’ll stay, or what we’ll do, or even where she’ll sleep- SHE’S COMING :) And when she texted me with the news I almost cried from relief. Sometimes a girl just needs her Mom. Not that John hasn’t done an amazing job taking care of me- I can’t count how many things he does for me on a daily basis that make my life easier..everything from insisting I take a nap to making me food and bringing me things to drink…even cleaning up the house and running to the store a million times. He is my favorite husband of all time. Now I get BOTH John AND my Mom. This makes me very happy. Very, very happy. Makes me think we’ll all get through this ok.
Now I’m going to lay down and maybe nap. Another long day- but only one more- and then my Mom is here!!! Oh yes- and the doctor has decided to put me on prednisone (low dose) for inflammation- and see how we fare. Oh, I hope it works. Honestly, I’m just glad someone finally decided to do something!
PS Becca and Auntie- thanks so much for all your encouraging messages. I’m going to be ok :)
