Little Kite Girl

So I’m finally going to post on Proposition 8.  Not because I’ve figured anything out, because I haven’t.  Not because I have any say that I think other people need to listen to, because I don’t.  Not because John posted on it today (I’ve actually been working on this for awhile…), but that’s not the reason why either.  But because I am finally so firmly set right in the middle that I don’t know what to think.  I want to say before you read this that if you begin, you need to read the whole thing.  Any one of these comments taken out of context will not help you understand how I feel about this issue.  So read it all, or move on.  Or read part and get mad.  That’s cool, too, I guess.

Previously, my thoughts have been this: I don’t feel that the government should interfere in personal relationships, that love can’t be legislated, and that no matter how the word “marriage” is defined in any dictionary or constitution, it will not stop people from loving other people, regardless of gender.  As a result I felt that a piece of legislation saying that it did not recognize a relationship between two people was unnecessary at best, intolerant at worst, not to mention impotent.  Such a thing would be an insult to a small community of people, and that’s about it.  Now, however, I don’t know what to think.  All of a sudden it seems like there is something to be lost of either side of the debate.  It is not as clean cut as letting people make their own choices.  Is it true that letting someone else make their choice could eventually take away mine?

I, personally, don’t believe that a homosexual relationship is right.  That is a very specific statement dealing specifically with my personal life and religion.  Saying, however, that it’s not “valid,” as the proposition states, seems rough.  The words to be added to the constitution, for those who don’t know, are these: “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”  Who can tell who that their relationship is not valid?  Recognized is one thing, valid is another thing altogether. To take it further, I shudder to think about situations in which someone’s partner could not make medical decisions for him or her in case of emergencies, or where a death would result in no rights for a long-time and much-loved companion.  But from what I understand, those rights are already protected in many states.  But I haven’t seen the laws that protect those rights.   I actually need to look those up so that I can understand this issue a little better.

What I’ve learned recently is that if marriage is not “protected,” there may come a time when my children will learn about same-sex marriage in school without my consent or foreknowledge, where my religion is forced to perform same sex marriages or no marriages at all, or where my rights as a heterosexual woman who has specific religious beliefs will be affected.  On one hand I see a group of people being allowed to make their own choices as to what they believe and their ability to act on those beliefs, and on the other hand I see another group of people being allowed to make their own choices as to what they believe and their ability to act on those beliefs.  So who wins?  The group with the loudest voice- through the vote.  In THAT way I feel like Proposition 8 is justified.  It was put to a vote, which is fair, right?  That’s why there is a vote in the first place?  I’m still not sure.

Here’s the thing.  I’m actually not too worried about Camper learning about same sex couples in school.  Why?  Because I plan to talk to him about things before (sometimes unavoidably after) they come up.  That might be sex, drugs, other people’s choices, whatever it may be.  I will not shelter my son from differences, whether they be lifestyle, religion, culture, etc.  because I think that he needs to know to make his own choices valid, and to have an argument better than, “Because Jesus says so,” when questioned about his actions.  Although the “Jesus says so” argument is good enough for me, in a lot of ways, I think that the world sometimes needs more insight into our choices, and we can often give it to them if we think about it a little bit.

As for my church being forced to perform same sex marriages…I’m not sure about that… Could those 14 words, which would allow same sex unions by law, mean that any institution that doesn’t allow them are then breaking the law?  Because that’s obviously not right, either. Not even all heterosexual couples are able to be married in LDS Temples unless they live certain standards of worthiness.  We all need to live a certain kind of life to gain what we have come to recognize as eternal blessings. I believe that The Family: A Proclamation to the World is the word of God.  That proclamation defines marriage as one man, one woman.  I also don’t believe anyone should be forced to live my beliefs.  But I ALSO don’t believe my sacred places should be shared with people who don’t hold them sacred.  You can see how this is going around and around in my head now?

There will be people who will question my faith because I admit I’m unsure.  They will ask if I believe in the prophet, Thomas S. Monson.  Maybe they’ll even be mad at me for not just knowing exactly what to do after I’ve been told what to do, very clearly at that.  That’s the thing- I’m so used to being admonished by my clerical leaders to “Vote my conscience,” that I’ve grown accustomed to thinking things through for myself.  All of a sudden they come out with a very real stance on an issue and I’m not sure how to react.  What happened to my conscience?  Is that not good enough?  Maybe this time it’s not.  In my mind I hear the words “Watchmen on the tower,” and wonder if by being encouraged to work against same sex marriage being made into law I am being encouraged to avoid a future that would be harmful to my rights or my family.  I don’t know.  I am glad, this time around at least, that I do not live in California and did not have to vote yes or no on this proposition.  On one hand taking away someone’s legal right to be married, and on the other hand giving up my right to…well, I don’t know what.

This much I DO know: There will come a time when it will not be good enough to live my own life in peace and let others do the same. I will have to fight for what I want and know to be true even at the expense of the rights of others.  I hope that by that time I will be brave enough to make the choices I need to, or have a clear enough understanding of why a law can’t be written that allows people to choose how they want to live their lives without taking away that same right from others.  Agency, the right of choice, is an eternal right given to us by God.  It seems like people often legislate that right away, or at the very least assign consequences to choices that I sometimes don’t understand.

I guess I know what to think, I’m just not comfortable with a world in which I have to think it.  I wish I could live my life and love my family and allow others to do the same without fearing that my world could be taken away.  It seems that fear is at the root of all of this.  Fear that I will lose what I cherish most because someone else decided to cherish something different.  I stand by my belief that people can choose whatever they want, whether or not I agree with it, regardless of what I think God thinks about it.  I just hope I never have to give up my compassion for others in order to be allowed to live what I believe.