Before I gave birth I gave the actual birth/babyhood of Jesus only a cursory thought. It happened. He was born, he was a baby. Mary was his mother. This Christmas it’s very different for me. As I listen to the hymns and contemplate Mary riding a donkey into Bethlehem I think about how I could barely stand a five minute ride in our comfy subaru by my 8th month. I realize that she didn’t have a labor and delivery nurse to comfort her and help her know what to do. We don’t read anything about her having other women there, but when I think about the time she lived in I think that women probably just found each other in times like that. Who else was there? I think about Joseph, wishing he could take the pain away and wondering how he would do as an earthly, surrogate father for the Son of God. We know that Christ was perfect, body and spirit, but to me that means that Mary probably had a very healthy, routine birthing experience, with all of the normal pain and discomfort that comes with it. No NICU for Baby Jesus, no epidural for Mary.
I wonder if she felt relief and joy as she heard his first cries, if she held him immediately or if Joseph held him first. Did Joseph deliver him? Did he latch on right away? I think that Jesus was probably a normal baby in many ways, definitely extraordinary, but ordinary, too. He relied on his Mom for comfort, cried when he wanted to be held. As he grew he began to smile and coo at his parents. Did he learn his consonant sounds first like most babies do? When did he first sleep through the night? Are sleepless nights just as challenging when your child is the Son of God? When did Mary first sense that sooner than most, He would mature and she would rely on him more than he would rely on her? I wonder if in any of Christ’s adult years he felt the need to be near his mother the way I still do from time to time. I can picture Him going to her and laying his head on her shoulder like my little brother Jonathan (now 22) does to me and my Mom. Or did he rely soley on his Father for comfort?
Then I think about the fear. I think that Mary was immune to some fears with regard to her child. Maybe she didn’t have to lie awake at night pushing away images of something happening, someone stealing him away or things like SIDS. Sometimes the fear of what could happen to Camper paralyzes me. But I couldn’t imagine, not even for one moment, realizing that although my child was safe and protected by angels as he grew, that one day He would Atone for all mankind. Did she know what it would entail? Did she realize what her son would go through, or was she protected from that knowledge for as long as she could be? I wonder if in her heart she wished that He would use His agency and protect himself from the pain, back out and live a quiet life with her and their family. Of course she was willing to give Him up, to support Him, but I can’t even imagine the anguish she must have felt when she understood what had to be done. The pride and awe and love she felt when she understood, even in small measure, why He was doing it. She raised Him, He saved her. They both did what they needed to do, but I can’t imagine even for a moment that it was easy.
All year long I concentrate on the Living Christ, divinity- His death and resurrection. I love Him for that. But this Christmastime I am overwhelmed thinking about the Baby Jesus. An infant, lying in His mother’s arms, full of potential and grace and promise in much the same way my baby lies in my arms. Was He the Son of God? Yes. But He was also a little baby, and His humanity is what makes His life here so remarkable and his sacrifice so universal and saving. And for me, this year, that is what makes Christmas special.
And I love that even after Christmastime is over, the story continues.
Luke Chapter 2:25-33
25 And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.
26 And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.
Tags: Christmas!, religion
Beautiful. Crying. Thank you.