John, the Bubbs and I attended a funeral in New Hampshire yesterday (yes, this makes it 4 states in one month, way to go traveling Bubbs!). One of John’s friends, Robert, had passed away sometime while I was in Utah. One of the men who stood up to say something about Robert said that he was kind, approachable, and forgiving. Robert was a passionate man about many things, and in his passion sometimes those others traits were covered up. In his zeal to educate and enlighten, the love he had for the people around him sometimes failed to show through. The speaker indicated that he had the same problem, and that in life he often found it difficult for to balance his hard side with his compassionate side, the part of his that wants to be bigger and tougher and more aggressive with the part that wants to listen and forgive and be humble. “It’s a bicycle ride,” he said, and “thank goodness for women.”
I thought a lot about that as I pretended to be asleep in the back of the car on the way home (I pretended for Bubb’s sake, until he really fell asleep, and then I fell asleep, t00). I think we all have that bicyle ride going on inside of us, some are just more graceful at it than others. And it’s not just “thank goodness for women,” it’s thank goodness for partners, thank goodness for babies, thank goodness for parents,” and all the people who soften us and remind us that we need to show love, be loving. I have no idea what my funeral will be like, but I really really hope that whoever stands up to say something about me will be able to say that they felt loved by me. That is someone is close enough to me to say something about me after I’ve passed away, that I would have made an effort to make sure that they knew how much I loved them. Something to work on, I guess. Just something to pay attention to. Oh, and bring on the lillies. They can’t hurt me then. (Very, very allergic to lillies…)
In the meantime, life around here has been busy. I still feel exhausted from the trip out west- the time change seems to have hit a little harder than usual. And although I had fun, I’m glad to be home with my regular routine. I’m hoping the Bubb’s will join me in that routine soon, as John is going back to work tonight. The last few days have been nice and sunny, warm and beautiful. John and I went out in the kayaks the other day, and then we went out with my Dad again the day after that. I love the lakes around here. I DON’T love to fish. But I like being out in the water, floating around, getting a little exercise and some sun. When we got up early yesterday morning to drive out I realized how gorgoeus it is early, early in the morning. Sometimes I think New England is a little moody. It’s usually pretty green, sometimes sunny, can be pretty gloomy, and saves the best time of day for those people who barely even see it. I remember being here in the winter between college semesters, when I would wake up at 5am to take my Dad to work so that I could go to the gym. It would be almost purple outside, with all the snow and the sun. Crystally and still and perfect. I should probably make an effort to get up and outside in the morning, soak it all in before it gets cold again.
And now that I’m back from my travels it’s time to get a few more things done. The next projects of the summer include a yard sale (hopefully clear out the storage unit), applying to grad schools, and the GRE. August 8th. I’m nervous about it, but have time to prepare. I don’t know how much of where I apply and what I get I’ll blog here- and my ego already took a hit with the whole librarian thing, but I just hope I do well. Hope hope hope.
