I very rarely perpetuate internet drama. But something about this gives me a bit of a forum to say some things I’ve been wanting to say anyway (kind of). So here goes.
Have you ever had a feeling about an experience that was SO BIG that you knew the truth wouldn’t illicit the sympathy you needed from others? So then when you told the story you told it from the point of view of how it FELT instead of how it was? And then somehow that just became the truth to you? I know I have. I’ll admit it. Nothing public, recent…and really… nothing I remember specifically…but I do have a feeling that I’ve done that before. Maybe some of the memories I think are true are actually a result of that kind of thought process. I don’t know.
Tonight I read this story about a woman claiming that TSA separated her from her son while putting them through security screening. She describes a harrowing experience that completely contradicts what the TSA says they will do. Scary stuff. I’m not writing about whether or not she is lying. (Not entirely, anyway.) Especially since in the end it turns out the TSA has a blog. (Anyone else out there finding this hysterical?) And they went all out and posted all the footage from the woman going through security. And there she is, and there the kid is, the whole time. She says they doctored the footage. They said they didn’t. Whatever.
Moving on to my issues/opinions. Because we all know I have them and you’re here with me now to get an eyeball full. No?
#1) KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT and then DON’T HAND THEM YOUR KID
For the record, TSA says that they will never, ever separate you from your child. Back in the days when I was planning for a trip I read their website and thought to myself: “If someone tries to take my child from me, or insists that we are separated in any way, it means that they are BADIES and probably not really TSA.” I made a mental note to not let that happen. The first problem I have with her account of the situation is that she says she HANDED THEM HER SON. (Her words, not mine.) If they took the child away, SHE LET THEM TAKE HIM. I’d be all, “EXCUSE ME, you can wave your little wand over him and swab him with your swabs, but if you say you need to HOLD HIM or TAKE HIM, you best be getting some po po up in here to escort me out of this airport, because that’s not happening.” Being a Mom means being able to see when people are trying to play you and taking care of the situation and your child. No one is perfect and Moms make mistakes. But for goodness sakes, don’t hand them your kid.
#2) DON’T TAKE DRUGS
She says all kinds of stuff in her blog entry that get to me…but the biggest thing that upset me was the fact that as soon as she got through security and had 5 minutes to catch her flight…she detoured into the bathroom to pop a Xanax. Ok. I don’t know anything about Xanax…but if I am the only person around to take care of my child, you better believe I’m not going to drug myself. I don’t even take NyQuil without forewarning the household and making sure that my husband will be able to wake up for the kiddo if he needs to. (I honestly just took sleepy causing medicine for the first time in over two YEARS last week.) Just in CASE it hits me harder than it ever has before. Just in CASE I am unable to fucntion. Maybe Xanax is an opposite kind of drug…where it makes you HIGHER functioning if you’re the kind of person who needs it. But here’s another unwanted and judgemental opinion: If you are the type of person who may need Xanax because of unexpected delays or what you judge to be unfair treatment in an airport, DO NOT TRAVEL ALONE WITH A CHILD. Period.
And here’s a little life secret: YOUR SANITY AND ABILITY TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD CANNOT DEPEND ON THE WORLD’S COOPERATION WITH YOUR PLANS AND PREFERENCES. You simply need to be able to suck it up and take care of yourself and your child.
And I can say that because I am a nervous person. (No medical issues with nervousness, not diagnosed anyway. I just get nervous about stuff and like to prepare for the just in cases when possible.) And when I took my first flight across the country with Camper I brought backup in the form of my Mother. Just in case. Because my kid is too important to me to risk a nervous meltdown with no one else around. (And good thing I’m HER kid and important to her, too. Seriously grateful for her.) (For the record and because I need one more parenthetical statement here, I was super fine the whole time, even when I went through the whole extra screening that this woman did and more. I was just fine.)
#3) Don’t exaggerate
You know what? If she had gotten on her blog and written: “They searched me for a LONG time and even stood between me and my child. It was humiliating and the people were impatient and I was freaked. There were people everywhere, my stuff was everywhere, and I felt separated from my son. I was absolutely panicked.” I would have been ENRAGED for her. Because they need to get a system where a mother doesn’t feel like her child is out of reach in a stroller while she is searched. From the video it seemed like the TSA agent sometimes stood between her and her baby. In my case we were brought into a plastic room where Camper was searched and then sat AWAY from the entrance in his stroller while the woman searched me. I never felt like she was between us or that he could be snatched by people walking by. Boils down to this: You don’t have to lie. You could have told me someone looked cross eyed at your baby in the bathroom and I would have pumped my fist, “O NO SHE DIDN’T!” Ok, maybe not. But sometimes we need to remember that we can have sympathy for how we felt, even if it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
#4) Equip yourself
I’m not the type of person to say “That woman is crazy, she shouldn’t have a child.” Because here’s the thing. Everyone’s a little crazy. We all have our issues, but our job as parents is to keep our kids safe from our issues. Think of it this way: if you had epilepsy and it was out of control, you wouldn’t go on a trip alone with an infant. If there was any chance that you would have a seizure and your kid would be at the mercy of whoever was walking by, you’d probably bring someone with you. Avoid going. Wait until your problem was under control. Panic disorders are just as much a medical problem as epilepsy. If you think you are going to freaking lose your cool, it’s your responsibility to a) avoid situations where your kid could be mistreated/taken while you are losing your cool b) wait til it’s under control or c) bring someone WITH YOU. Sometimes just having someone there can be the calming influence you need to keep even MECIAL problems under control, as a lot of issues are triggered by stress/fear/etc.
The End.
