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Archive for March, 2010

Homage to Stuff

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

So I keep forgetting things that I really want to blog about lately, then I find a note that says:

“Only using mascara on the TOP LASHES. Very “Spring is here.”"

And I look at myself and go, “Yeah.  You need to get a job.”

But anyway.

So I’ve started the Spring process of GOING THROUGH THINGS.  It calls to me, the purge.  I can feel unnecessary items just stewing, wondering when they’re going to be noticed and brought to a place where they can be re-homed.  We’ve taken one trip to Good Will this past week, and I’m thinking this year instead of the wait and get a bunch of stuff together type scenario we might just go ahead and go weekly.  Or bi-weekly.  (Wait, does that mean twice a week or once every two weeks?) Some things we’re saving for a yard sale, if we do that again.  But right now I’m just so excited that we’re GETTING RID OF STUFF that I don’t even care.

I went through Camper’s toys the last couple of days, organized and put all the pieces back together and made sure nothing was broken.  I put all of the baby toys away (well, they’re in the attic, waiting to go into some sort of organized storage box) and a part of me is really sad.  Well, honestly, he’d probably still be playing with the popper thing and the plastic chains and all of that stuff, but for the sake of CLUTTER I needed to put it away.  And so far I think it was a good choice.  He’s actually started to play with things again instead of just look in his toy box and get overwhelmed and walk away and ask for “CARS?”

In this process I found a couple of things that I probably wouldn’t have gotten, looking back.  Like for instance this thing, which he never used.  (Ok, I guess he used it long enough for me to write this post.  Or else, LIAR.) Or the organic cotton blanket/rabbit doll that he liked in the store…and rejected as soon as we got into the car.  He definitely favored the homemade taggie blanket given to us by friends right before a plane trip.  If I can find the time maybe I should go back through my amazon purchases and write a post on how some of that stuff worked out for us.  It’s a good idea, we’ll see if it ever happens.

There are three things that I cannot purge, however.  First, his very first pacifier.  The one they gave him in the hospital that I said I’d never let him have.  It was a soothie, as well, one of the newborn ones with the curve to go under his nose.  It’s precious to me, absolutely precious.  Also, his “church keys,” which were a set of plastic infant keys that we’d give him during church.  Rattling the whole thing was a little noisy, so we ended up taking all the keys off but two, and hence, quieter.  Church keys.  And finally the red plastic phone we bought at Harmon’s when I was pregnant.   Also a rattle, also probably full of BPA.  But I love it, and I put them all in my underwear drawer.  And I never want to throw them away.

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So there you go.  Homage to some stuff, things that aren’t important, but are apparently important enough to me that I’m hiding them away.  Getting them out every so often and remembering a time when my son couldn’t look at me and say, “No more!”

Sigh.

Are you kidding me right now? (Me whining.)

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

First of all, they should pretty much just cancel American Idol and try again.  Everyone sucks.  Sorry, it’s true.  I have yet to see anyone with CONSISTENT talent.  They knock a couple out of the park and then turn around and super stink.  And I’m sick of everyone getting standing ovations. Like, WOW YOU WERE AWESOME, I’M GOING TO STAND UP.  Or, “YOU WERE MEDIOCORE BUT I’M GONNA STAND UP ANYWAY, BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE JUDGES ARE GOING TO SAY AND I DON’T TRUST MY OWN JUDGMENT. Or, YOU TOTALLY STUNK BUT I’M GONNA STAND UP BECAUSE I FEEL BAD FOR YOU. Desecration.

Another thing, I really love Ellen.  She’s awesome.

Ok.  So that was a rant about a totally NON important subject.  Here’s a rant on a really, really important one:

I went to the bookstore with Camper and John to pick up a book for book club.  Whenever John and I are out, we either both run around with Camper, or we take turns following him and letting him explore so that the other parent can browse at our leisure.  If we need to get stuff done or he can’t run around the store we’re in he gets to sit in the cart or I carry him in the Beco.  SO.  The POINT.  Tonight when we were in B&N I kept hearing this baby crying.  Camper kept saying, “Bay-bee?” and pointing towards the noise.  This went on for pretty much the whole time we were in the store. I didn’t think much of it until we circled around the where the bay-bee was.  A little girl, around 8 months old, sitting in her stroller next to her parents who were sitting at a table.  She was covered in some kind of food although she wasn’t eating.  She was wearing a onesie, no shoes or socks. (It’s pretty much still winter here, jsyk.)  She was reaching out to her mom with both arms making angry noises and crying.  Her Mom, sitting next to her, was playing some farm game on Facebook.  FARMING ON FACEBOOK.  Her Dad was looking at some cartoon book.  Meanwhile Camper walked up to the baby and pointed at her and the Dad looked at him and said to his child, “You see his pacifier?  You can’t have one of those.”  And gave me a dirty look.

REALLY?

The mother did not look up from her farm.

I pulled Camper away and fought back some angry feelings/tears because YOUR BABY WAS REACHING OUT TO YOU. YOU DIDN’T EVEN LOOK AT HER.  When we circled back around the Dad was shaking a bottle and then handing it to the baby, who then (I’m not even being dramatic here) struggled to hold it up and feed herself.  The mother was gone.

Do you not even want her?  Because I know people who WANT babies, so much.  And you know what? I know. I know what it’s like to be done at the end of the day.

I SWEAR TO YOU, I KNOW.

But can you really get that sick of your child? Be that weary that you can’t even respond to her when she’s reaching out to you?

Ok.  Yes, I can believe that it may actually happen sometimes.

But why, then, I ask you…do you have enough energy to go to the bookstore?

Yeah.

That pretty much sucked.  And I gave Camper extra hugs and kisses all night until he went to bed, because my heart just hurts for that little girl.

Enough that I had to share.

DOWNER.

I know, sorry.

Life, in List Form

Monday, March 29th, 2010

1) A month ago or so I had to buy a blush brush.  When I was in England I was introduced to the wonders of REAL makeup, but the kicker is that a lot of REAL makeup requires you to have your own brushes…and not use your hands or the handy little brush that comes with it.  So I got some awesome blush for Christmas and needed a brush for it and went to Sephora.  The woman there was all, “This is a blush brush, but it’s SO TRICKY TO USE, so I’d recommend this general face brush.  It’s foolproof.”  And of course I (with my bi-polar intelligence) was all wide-eyed “WOW, OK.  FOOLPROOF PLEASE.”  And then I found out that I had that blush brush at home (my mom gave it to me, she got it free in the mail from Bare Minerals) and it was SO NOT TRICKY.

I’m still bitter that she underestimated my beautification abilities.

2) I’m going to be in a wedding next month (have I mentioned that yet?) and I’m very excited.  I love my friend E, and I had so much fun at her shower. I just got the dress fitted, and I was very relieved to put it on and have the seamstress tell me it was too big and take it in and agree to make the jacket “cuter.”  It’s a strapless dress, which I wouldn’t ordinarily wear for a variety of reasons…but I got a cute jacket that matches and I think for one night I’ll survive.  But then comes the whole strapless bra ordeal.

Seriously, such a pain.

To find one that fits me and WORKS I had to try a million on- and the only one I only SLIGHTLY disliked was about $65.  Yeah freaking right.  For a bra I’ll wear probably only at my friend’s weddings.  Nope.  So I went on Amazon and am completely at the mercy of recommendations from people who “say” they have the same needs as me.  We shall see.  I’m scared.

3) So John and I went to the temple on Saturday, a place of peace and reflection and learning and service.  And we’re sitting in the chapel waiting for the whole thing to start and John leans over and says to me,

“You have Julie Andrews 60′s hair.”

“What?”

“You have Julie Andrews 60′s hair.”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“Does it help to know that I found her attractive?”

blank stare.

“I find you attractive.”

On the way home he clarified that it was only from the BACK, and that he thinks I’m beautiful.

Yeah.

4) My kid is as cute as ever, and always saying new things. Every day it’s new words.  Cup, cracker, Nemo.  He’s always saying something that I don’t remember saying to him.  He’s also branched out in the temperature category.  Previously EVERYTHING not room temperature was “HOT!”  Now he also recognizes, “Cooooolllddddd.”  So that’s good.  Very clarifying.

5) So now that Camper is 18 months old he is old enough to go into the nursery at church for 2 of the 3 hours we are there.  I have serious issues with this.  What makes it sad is that he has played there a lot (with me or Da Da or La La, even Pop Pop I think…) and he loves it.  I’ve even left to go chat with John or get a snack for him or whatever and he was fine.  He’s just chill there with whoever is in there taking care of the kiddos.  My problem is that I don’t want to spend 2 hours away from him at church.  And that he has NEEDS.  Church is from 10am-1pm.  One snack won’t cut it.  He needs protein AND fruit, and I think they give them crackers.  And if he poops they probably won’t smell it right away, and how can I expect them too?  They’ve got a few kids to take care of.  And I know this probably makes me a crazy woman, but whatever.  He’s my kid.  I can feed him bananas and strawberries and sniff his butt through all three hours of church and no one can say anything.  So there.

6) I’m sick of rain now.  And coldness after I felt the hotness.  I want HOTNESS.

7) I have a million things I need to do and I’m blogging instead.  Awesome.

8) And now I’m going to make the bed and hope naptime lasts a few more minutes so I can change the laundry again.

MUST BLOG.

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

And so I shall.

Where to begin, where to begin?

Well, last weekend we had an AWESOME time with some family up from a state south of here. (Love the specifics, right?) Camper’s two cousins (5 and 6) encouraged him to do many new and fun things, like pet dogs and go down the slide by himself, and run around and eat dirt. (Camper was the only one that ate dirt, but the older children were NEAR it, so that’s how he FOUND it. Ok. He would have found it anyway.) And I made a HUMONGO lasagna and we ate and it rocked.

March 135

It was a good end to a week of much sunny-ness, involving lots of running around outside and the wearing of sunglasses that caused passersby to swoon and hit their heads against the sidewalk to ease the sweet, sweet pain of his overwhelming cuteness. It was kind of awkward, actually.

I finally got on a schedule with cleaning the house, which has been largely abandoned this week because I feel nauseous.

NO, I’m not pregnant.

Yes, I’m sure.

So I haven’t been getting too much sleep lately. I’m all off since daylight savings came and made life SWEET. Camper was sleeping from 8 to 8 every day, and then after about two weeks of that wonderful arrangement he decided he likes going to bed at 8 (an hour later than before) but now wants to get up at 6am. Just to see what’s happening, yo. And I was really, really loving the 8 thing, so much so that I was like, “Hey, I could get up with John and exercise and SHOWER and then greet my child as he awakes.” And the the universe said, “He-he” and John was told he has to work nights (which means we’re up later and more inclined to sleep in) and my child realized that the sun comes up at around 6.

Awesome.

Today was his 18 month check-up, which he totally freaked for. I knew he would, but what I didn’t anticipate was the desperate pleading he’d do, starting with “No more-ah!” and then sobbing and then screaming and then frantic fish-lips meant to say, “PLEASE JUST TAKE ME BACK TO THAT FISHTANK, IT WAS THE LAST PLACE I FELT SAFE.” Not even the doctor giving him a book cheered him up. He put his arms around my neck and held me tight for the first 20 mintues of the visit, and then wouldn’t let La La go until we were in the parking lot. He grew though, his noggin got bigger, and he passed all the tests. Except I failed, of course. When the doctor was listening to his chest she suggested I sing to calm him down, “Itsy Bitsy Spider?” and I was all “His favorite song is Barbara Ann. By the Beach Boys.” BA BA BA BA BA ANNNNNNNNNNNNN. It’s the name of his new fish. So I guess I should work on some of those other songs, right? So he’s not ostracized in kindergarten?

Then we went to the park. Because why not?

Except that I was wearing the shoes I intend to wear in a wedding next month. I wanted to break them in, but I just didn’t anticipate breaking them in THIS much.

Around here

Friday, March 19th, 2010

I seem to have a thousand bloggable thoughts lately, and none of them ever make it to post.  I feel like I’m hardly even ever online anymore, which is bad considering that’s WHERE MY CLASSES ARE.  Who needs a master’s degree, anyway?  (ME! That’s who!) The last few days I feel a little like a cat let out of a cage, stretching and enjoying the sun.  SUN.  HERE IN MY BACKYARD.  Well, mostly in the backyard.  But you know what I mean.  This morning I went outside in my PJ’s, glasses, no makeup,  just me and my kid walking around smelling the air.

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We spent most of the afternoon outside, ignoring the fact that I should have been making a lasagna or vacuuming or doing school work.  Me contemplating how summer is going to be more fun, and HARDER this year.  He won’t be content to sit in the house and let me do what I have to do.  Now, all of a sudden, I’ll have to follow him as he runs around outside for hours.  And maybe read or do something if he decides to play in one place.  But I doubt I’ll be able to get school work done out there.  But I think I’m just going to enjoy it.  I haven’t played outside every day during the summer time since…well…I was about 14.

Then there’s the ever present financial crisis.  This month: check.  It’s here.  Just in time, I was starting to think we might be STABLE for once.  And the fact that I need to muster some hope.  I need to find ways to move forward, support my husband in moving forward, and just enjoy every day without worrying too much.  I think it’ll be easier if it’s sunny outside.

Then there’s the fact that the fire alarm just went off for some unknown reason.  37 minutes after my child was put in bed.  That’s is NOT AWESOME YO.

Then there’s the fact that I had a dream that I was spending the night somewhere with a friend from high school, we were sleeping in the same bed and I peed on her.  And it seemed like a pretty good dream.  Well, I remember being kind of worried what she would think when she woke up…but other than that it was a peaceful dream.  What is THAT about?

And then there’s the whole Frog Princess experience.  Bad.  Did I mention that I don’t enjoy Southern Culture?  I know.  I’m sorry.  Arrogant New Englander.  But what can you do?  I dislike Voodoo intensely (which I remember being as big a part of my life in South Carolina as it seemed to be in New Orleans in this movie) and the movie had weird ghosty things reminiscent of Demi’s movie Ghost.  Remember that end scene?  Yeah.  Camper was all wigged and I was like, “This was cute in the beginning but now the accents are GRATING ON ME.”

And also: this post on someone’s irritation over a rice cooker has inspired me to relay the following message:

Mother at the outlets who was feeding your two year old (or older) child thick as mud chocolate milk out of a bottle, I judged you.  HARSHLY.  I know it’s not fair, my kid and I don’t have perfect habits.  Granted.  But really?  Come on.

Thanks for letting me feel like I could say that.

Soooooo, what else.  I think that’s all.

Things are good, and bad.

But mostly good- if I really take stock.  So that’s not too bad, right?

Good Morning, Green Boots.

Friday, March 19th, 2010

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Uncovering

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

We’re on our way towards Spring here in the Berkshires- and as the snow melts it leaves ice castles at the end of driveways and along the road- and while that sounds beautiful- I can assure you it is not.  The castles are covered in dirt and the snow has melted into a pooly marsh, filled with trash left behind by the high school kids walking home in the afternoons and dead animals that got hit last October and have laid under the snow for months.

I know, right?

I’m starting to think about Easter, and as I took our walk this morning (almost 50 degrees and sunny, thankyouverymuch) I saw a bunch of Halloween decorations in people’s yards.  The little tombstones and crosses that say “RIP” and have pictures of Dracula on them.  It must have snowed last October and they just got covered up.  Til now.

This is the second walk I’ve been able to take with Camper so far this year- the sidewalks are dirty, but clear, and I can’t wait for him to be able to run and play in the grass.  Right now it’s a bit too cold to get wet and muddy, but soon it’ll be perfect.  The green will come back, the trash will get picked up, the dead animals, too.  Soon it’ll be REALLY spring, and all the wintery grossness will go away.

I wish I could say I liked any part of winter- but you know what? I really don’t.  I’d be fine if fall faded into spring.  I wouldn’t even miss the snow, I don’t think.  Well, maybe on Christmas.  But that’s it.

I’ve been thinking about how my Dad will probably powerwash the house soon, all the dirt and grime running off the white siding into the grass.

Today I cleaned the dining room.  Washed all of my great-grandmother’s big wooden furniture (When she passed away my parents saved her dining room set, a hutch, a dry sink, a table and chairs.  I don’t think they’re anyone’s style here, but she loved them so much, and we still love her.) and the piano.  I filled up a bowl with warm water and Murphy’s Oil Soap and wiped them all down, then vacuumed away all the dust. I feel bad that I haven’t done it in so long but also nice that it’s clean now.  I thought of Grandma June while I did it, and wondered what she’d say if she could see my son.  I wonder if she’d close her eyes and just barely contain the happiness, if she’d cry when she hugged him like she used to when she hugged me.  Just because she loved me so much.

Soon it’ll be green outside again and I’ll pray that Summer will last forever.

NumNum NightNight.

Monday, March 15th, 2010

So, after a few weeks of a brief disturbance Camper is back to his cheerful self again.  That is, when he’s getting what he wants.  He’s starting to pitch a mini fit (I don’t think he knows how to pitch a whole fit, and usually his fits involve crying on my shoulder and hugging me) when he has to be taken away from something he wants to do.  But after 3 days of making him go to bed at bedtime he’s back to going through the routine and then snuggling into his bed and waving “Bye Bye” and just…going to sleep.

It’s fabulous.

But if there’s anything this kid has taught me it’s that he can change his mind at any time.  And it could be tomorrow.

Also, he’s starting to eat a few more things.  Not a lot, mind you, but a few.  I’m trying to get him sitting at the table like a big boy, and he seems to like it.  This of course, means I have to have everyone’s dinner ready by the time he eats- which is a little after 5 these days, but it’s worth it to see him try to knaw on a pork chop.  I’ll give him credit, he tries just about everything before rejecting it.  And he’s started to say, “Num.  Num!  Numnumnumnum.” Which I really like.

He’s actually just talking a lot more these days in general.

Is it bad that I let him eat banana with every meal because he requests it by name? Hmmmm….

We’re just in a whole new world with closed-mouth kisses every  half an hour (MwaaaaaAAA!) and lots of cuddles and a little boy who just likes to be part of things.  It’s a good little world.

And now, with that, I go to sleep.

Goodnight.

My snuggler.

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Yes. This is about birth control but other things, too.

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

So.

I think things are finally settling down, a bit.

The last couple weeks have been a blur of playdates, book clubs, doctor’s appointments (for Camper and me), jury duty (I know, suck) and whatnot.

So let’s go back, shall we?

So yes.  In the spirit of full disclosure (I mean, I wrote about getting it) I totally got Mirena pulled a couple weeks ago.  I think it was making me crazy-o.  I read this post along with about a hundred others that identified some symptoms I’d been experiencing.  Of all the things I mentioned to the doctor, only two were “enough of a medical reason” to yank the thing, except for the fact that I’m starting to get freaked about not having periods anymore.  She said that ANY reason to want it out was enough.  So now we’re doing the whole “wait for the periods to come back and then figure out another plan” plan.  Which will include birth control.  (I guess my choices now are The Copper IUD, Yaz (cause it didn’t make me crazy) or an assortment of “barrier methods.” Dear God. Help us.)  Because I cannot get pregnant on the meds that I am on for my Colitis. The doctor actually said, “You have to be so careful.  This isn’t a situation in which you aren’t planning a baby and if you got pregnant it’ll be a happy surprise.  It could be very, very bad.”

Welcome to my colon, people.  Stupid colon.

In the meantime, I am feeling more emotionally sound.  I don’t think I’ve cried since I got it pulled- which now that I think about it- is pretty wow.  Today is John’s day off, lately AKA Erin’s day to freakityfreak out and cry about life and I haven’t felt that pressure building up yet.

It could be that I’ve gotten outside in some sunshine, that I had a wonderful two-day vacation from diapers and making chicken nuggets, that my husband did the dishes while I took a SUPER long shower…or any number of other things.  Or it could be that I no longer have a TEENY bit of hormones floating around my uterus in the form of a white plastic anchor.

Yeah.

SO.  WITH THAT SAID, this past weekend I left my husband and child and went to VA for my friend Emily’s wedding shower.  I’ve been to a LOT of wedding showers, and I’ve never felt so included and excited and had so much fun before.  E’s family put it together, and the food was good, the company was good, the games were imaginative and fun…the theme was “Herb Garden.”  Which was nice a springy, and each bridesmaid (or member of the wedding party…) had an herb leaf on her name tag.  I felt special just to be part of it, and Emily got tons of awesome swag.  And that plus a number of hours spent talking with her, just one on one, which is something we never get to do, was just so nice.  I told John when I got home that it was so good to sit and talk with an old friend for hours and realize that although a lot of our relationship might be reminiscing, our friendship now is based on who we are now, what we’re doing now and includes the people we love, now.  In short: it was so good.  And I can’t wait for the wedding.

I came home to my baby, who I am very glad to be bringing to the wedding next month (no more leaving him behind!) and to JURY DUTY.  Ta da.  So, I really wonder what they expect SAHM’s to do about their KIDS during Jury Duty.  I know they give ME and excuse for if I work, and will pay ME for days I miss from my WORK, but what if I don’t work and I then have to extend that to my husband?  Does my excuse card work for him?  Or…what?  In the end we just sat there for a couple hours and then went home, and I did have both my mom and John to chill with Camper…but what if?  Yeah.  I want to know, too.

So now life goes on.  Back to normalcy.  Whatever that is.