Little Kite Girl

UPDATE: They printed a retraction…or did an edit…or whatever you call it.  You can find the full story on the website, still, with this apology from BHG:

Editor’s Note: We have removed the most patently inappropriate sections.  We support breastfeeding moms — and all moms — in their desire to include their children in their public lives.

We pledge to do better in the future in both the tone and content of our posts. We will be posting our positive parenting tips for eating out soon. Send us yours at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=72571226018&topic=13849.

–The editorial team at Better Homes and Gardens

So, I’ve read a few different things about eating with children in restaurants and breastfeeding recently and I gotta tell you, all lot of the things I’ve read made me REALLY REALLY MAD.  I’m not even sure why I’ve been following these things, because a) I don’t breastfeed currently and b) we can’t afford the types of restaurants they’re talking about in these articles (I’m pretty sure they’re not talking about Panera Bread…but maybe they are?)…but regardless, the “advice” and “rules” offered by a childless (by choice?) population has hit me the wrong way.  And this article, specifically, hit on BOTH issues and was a real big disappointment coming from Better Home and Gardens.

My first issue is that someone was cocky enough to suggest that she came up with some COMMANDMENTS setting down rules regarding where I can take my child to eat and how I should act while there.  Secondly, most of the non-offensive SUGGESTIONS (not COMMANDMENTS) offered by the articles are quietly observed by parents every time they go out to a restaurant.  And the parental offenders, the ones that encourage or allow food fights and let their kids scream while they eat? I’m pretty sure that they will never read/care about what Ms. Heather W. has to say.  In short…this article at BEST can claim “Pissing off the Choir” status.

But what got me, and gets me EVERY TIME….is her suggestion that breastfeeding Moms take their kiddos to the bathroom.  OK.  SO. I admit, I’ve been in bathrooms that were NICE.  But here’s the thing: It is AGAINST THE LAW to prohibit a breastfeeding mother from breastfeeding her child WHERE EVER SHE WANTS TO.  (Except for in like, three states? But whatever.  They suck.)  When I was breastfeeding I often took my son into another room, more for my own privacy than anyone else’s feelings.  I never really got the hang of it and like to relax and read for the 45 minutes that my son would be eating.  But you know what?  If I’m an experienced nurser and my child is hungry and I’m paying out the butt for a meal at a fancy restaurant, no one better ask me to take it to the bathroom.  Here’s the deal: I won’t run around with parts of my body exposed for no good reason, and you look away during the MILLISECOND I MAY be exposed while allowing my baby to latch on if it bothers you.  Ok? And really?  Let’s just grow up.  You may disagree with me, but I disagree with you.  I think that anyone who takes offense at a breastfeeding mother who is doing her thing to nourish her child is wrong.  And for the nice argument that I read the other day that “breastfeeding is an intimate act, and when we allow it in public, we’re just one step away from allowing people to have sex in public” I’m just…wow.  Yeah.  Someone with that kind of ridiculous, fallacious opinion doesn’t even register as someone to contend with, in my opinion.

So, Ms. Heather W., I really hope that was a publicity stunt.  Something to get links and clicks and impressions or whatever you’re seeking, because if you REALLY think that poorly of children, their needs, and most people’s parental abilities, maybe YOU should just stay home.  Just saying.

Wow. I’m a blogging slacker.

That is all.

Maybe writing this will get me back in here later to write something of substance.

But honestly, I feel like we’re on the edge of news when we’re probably not.

And the news could be, “We got a job!” or it could be, “After all that being SO CLOSE we’re still on the Island.”

So who knows. I’m just sick of WAITING. So I’m just going to do my thing, I think, and let life happen around me. Yeah, that sentence sounded good. Peaceful. Maybe I’ll sleep tonight.

So…after yesterday’s post I wanted to include the lighter side of my Mother’s Day, and the week before that.  Considering I’ve had a few fun things going on that I haven’t had the time to sit down and write about.

First of all, a big thanks to Mom’s Milk Boutique for their diaper buy back program that allowed me to trade in some diapers we haven’t used for awhile for some diapers that are better suited for our growing toddler.  (Yes, I’m still crazy about cloth diapers.  I hide it well these days, no?)

I got them in the mail a couple of days ago, and tomorrow will be a big day in trying them out.  I admit, my dedication to our money-saving earth-saving diaper system sometimes wanes, but there’s nothing like “recycling” and getting some new cute diapers (yes, I said cute diapers) to help me feel enthusiastic again.

In BOOK news, which may be more interesting to some of you than diaper news, I finally got myself to the library this past week to check out some books.  By the way, I’m a total book follower. No mind of my own to speak of.  I’ll read about something online and then a month later pick it up and love it and pretend that I found it all on my own. But I’m currently liking Belong to Me by Maria de los Santos, and I’m pretty sure I’m reading that one because of this post. And I picked up a couple of books by Isabel Allende that I got because I read that someone liked them, although I can’t remember who.  Wait! I remembered! Yeah.  That’s how you know you’re a serious blog reader, because I just pictured the description of the book that I read, and I remembered Sarah describing the book “carrying her along like a passenger.”  And yet I can’t remember to switch the laundry.  Whatever works, right? And then of course there are the secret underground book discussions I have going on with Amy, who kind of got me to start reading again this past winter when I had once again forgotten how much I loved it.

But ANYWAY, I also got a couple of books for Mother’s Day, things that I couldn’t find at the library (another way I try to be “greener” and consume less…although I still love to BUY BOOKS).  Keeping House by Margaret Kim Peterson and The Intentional Family by William J. Doherty.  At least one of those goes back to this post, and the other…well…I couldn’t tell you.  When I told my Mom about Keeping House she said, “Leave it to you to think about housework theologically.”  Haha.  I’m excited to see what these books have to offer me, and I’ll let you know how I like them.

So yeah, I have some new things to read.  I have schoolwork to get done, I have a kiddo to take care of and a husband that comes home at night tired but mine.  So I think things are pretty good.  Now if we could just hear back from one of these jobs he’s applied to…

I feel like I’ve had an entire Mother’s Day weekend allowing me to cycle through a wide array of emotions.  The happiest element of my weekend was that my HUSBAND WAS HOME FOR IT.  We rarely have two days off in a row, and when we do it’s usually because something’s going on.  Wedding.  Funeral.  Extreme illness.  And the like.

Saturday we participated in a walk for Empty Arms Support.  I became familiar with this group in December when a friend delivered her baby shortly after the baby passed away.  The experience blew all of us away in its profundity, and as we’ve all tried to continue to be there for our friends I went to a support group and learned about the walk.  There were lots of people there, walking for babies who had died at or before birth.

Pink and blue balloons, blue t-shirts covered up with coats and jackets.

People carried balloons, blue for boys and pink for girls, and wore shirts with names on the back for the babies who died, even Camper had one.  A onesie I put over his sweater (as it was a cold, rainy day) and to honor those families, to show them our support and to witness their solidarity, we walked.  Together.

He loved stamping in his boots.

Later that day I went to Hallmark to find a card for my friend, a Mother’s Day card that celebrated her unique motherhood, that acknowledged the sadness of the day while still congratulating her on being a Mom! On having a daughter! And I just stood there and cried.  Because no one should have to be brave like this woman and her husband are brave.

Today in church in a talk celebrating all women and all mothers, my Dad read a quote from this blog, and as he read this:

To the woman who has lost a child. I am sorry. I know you find yourself in that place of mourning and loss. If it was your only child, you may question the whole “mother” title. I know. I have been there and I am sorry. If you have other children, I know how much it hurts to be torn between appreciating the love your children shower you with and missing the love you lost. You are strong. I admire you. And, even if it hurts, I do wish you a peaceful Mother’s Day.

I cried again.  Big tears, overwhelming feelings.  Mother’s Day feelings.  If you haven’t read this, I really encourage you to.  It says Happy Mother’s Day to Moms who have lost babies, who have given babies up for adoption, children who have lost their mother, women who have taken over mothering roles on behalf of deceased or missing mothers and who have stepped in where no one else will.  It even says Happy Mother’s Day to Dads who are on their own, performing both roles where they can, and raising their children on their own.  It says Happy Mother’s Day to the Moms who didn’t get pancakes or bacon made for them this morning, to the Moms who might not get a card because no one could find one to describe the kind of Mother they are.

Sometime during that talk my son did a miraculous thing.  He fell asleep.  I don’t think he has slept outside his crib or his carseat since he was about 4 months old.  I rarely even see him sleep, as I usually lay him down and blow him a kiss goodnight and close the door to his, “Mu-wa!” and wake up to his morningtime request of, “NEMO! CARS! DAD! CHOO CHOOO!” echoing through the baby monitor. But he fell asleep on John and leaned over over to me and snuggled in and just slept.  And it was like a gift, to hold him and feel him and smell him while he dreamed.  At the end of the day I feel blessed to be a mother, to have the feelings that I have had.  The remarkable feelings of watching him grow, the crazy fear of worrying about our family.  So many thoughts and so many feelings.

my wee family

So Happy Mother’s Day.

So here we are again.  At the edge of MAYBE a better job situation (still waiting to hear back from the D.C. job and having submitted new and improved resumes to other companies, as well…) and just GOING INSANE.  I just want to know, so I know if I should be sad/happy about needing to move and having a better job, or sad/happy about being able to stay with La La and Pop Pop and wondering HOW THE CRAP WE ARE GOING TO GET A BETTER JOB. Yo. And that’s that.  Just thought I’d keep you updated.  Any of you NOT suffering from this economic situation, feel happy.  That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

In other news, our baby monitors are dying.  It’s really annoying to me, because our house is big enough that if I’m cooking, or cleaning, or watching TV and Camper wakes up I probably won’t hear him.  If I’m sleeping I MIGHT hear him (our rooms are upstairs together), except for the fact that I sleep with various forms of white noise, and so does he.  So I’m not sure.  All I know is that the stupid monitors don’t hold a charge, they BEEPBEEPBEPP turn off on their own all the time, and I’m about ready to go without and see if we’d be ok.  I just hate leaving him in his crib for too long.  I think one of the major reasons he hasn’t climbed out yet (crosses fingers) is because he doesn’t just chill in there.  When he wakes up he calls me, and I let him out.  And I put him in there at noon and at 7pm every day, and he goes right to sleep both times.  Usually.  I’m worried that if he has to hang out he’ll learn to be a baby jumper.  I don’t really want to shell out the $$$ on new baby monitors, since buying super cheap ones might be the same quality that we have NOW.  And I don’t want to buy expensive ones, because, yo. We broke.

So yes.  This is what I’m wondering about.  Because I can’t wonder about how our life is going to change or not change soon because I will go clinically insane.