UPDATE: They printed a retraction…or did an edit…or whatever you call it. You can find the full story on the website, still, with this apology from BHG:
Editor’s Note: We have removed the most patently inappropriate sections. We support breastfeeding moms — and all moms — in their desire to include their children in their public lives.
We pledge to do better in the future in both the tone and content of our posts. We will be posting our positive parenting tips for eating out soon. Send us yours at http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=72571226018&topic=13849.
–The editorial team at Better Homes and Gardens
So, I’ve read a few different things about eating with children in restaurants and breastfeeding recently and I gotta tell you, all lot of the things I’ve read made me REALLY REALLY MAD. I’m not even sure why I’ve been following these things, because a) I don’t breastfeed currently and b) we can’t afford the types of restaurants they’re talking about in these articles (I’m pretty sure they’re not talking about Panera Bread…but maybe they are?)…but regardless, the “advice” and “rules” offered by a childless (by choice?) population has hit me the wrong way. And this article, specifically, hit on BOTH issues and was a real big disappointment coming from Better Home and Gardens.
My first issue is that someone was cocky enough to suggest that she came up with some COMMANDMENTS setting down rules regarding where I can take my child to eat and how I should act while there. Secondly, most of the non-offensive SUGGESTIONS (not COMMANDMENTS) offered by the articles are quietly observed by parents every time they go out to a restaurant. And the parental offenders, the ones that encourage or allow food fights and let their kids scream while they eat? I’m pretty sure that they will never read/care about what Ms. Heather W. has to say. In short…this article at BEST can claim “Pissing off the Choir” status.
But what got me, and gets me EVERY TIME….is her suggestion that breastfeeding Moms take their kiddos to the bathroom. OK. SO. I admit, I’ve been in bathrooms that were NICE. But here’s the thing: It is AGAINST THE LAW to prohibit a breastfeeding mother from breastfeeding her child WHERE EVER SHE WANTS TO. (Except for in like, three states? But whatever. They suck.) When I was breastfeeding I often took my son into another room, more for my own privacy than anyone else’s feelings. I never really got the hang of it and like to relax and read for the 45 minutes that my son would be eating. But you know what? If I’m an experienced nurser and my child is hungry and I’m paying out the butt for a meal at a fancy restaurant, no one better ask me to take it to the bathroom. Here’s the deal: I won’t run around with parts of my body exposed for no good reason, and you look away during the MILLISECOND I MAY be exposed while allowing my baby to latch on if it bothers you. Ok? And really? Let’s just grow up. You may disagree with me, but I disagree with you. I think that anyone who takes offense at a breastfeeding mother who is doing her thing to nourish her child is wrong. And for the nice argument that I read the other day that “breastfeeding is an intimate act, and when we allow it in public, we’re just one step away from allowing people to have sex in public” I’m just…wow. Yeah. Someone with that kind of ridiculous, fallacious opinion doesn’t even register as someone to contend with, in my opinion.
So, Ms. Heather W., I really hope that was a publicity stunt. Something to get links and clicks and impressions or whatever you’re seeking, because if you REALLY think that poorly of children, their needs, and most people’s parental abilities, maybe YOU should just stay home. Just saying.
That article? From Better Homes and Gardens? WAS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS. Want to know what I think? I hope that breastfeeding baby sitting next to the Divine Ms. Heather W and ruining her dining experience grows up to be a nurse working in a retirement community, a nurse who will take Ms. Heather W. and dump her out of her wheelchair on the side of the road. SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE. Most self-respecting mothers are NOT out to expose themselves to the world while feeding their children, they just don’t believe they should be shackled to their homes for a year or so while they feed and nurture their infants. And how are children going to learn how to act appropriately in public IF WE NEVER TAKE THEM TO PUBLIC PLACES? Everyone has sat next to that horrid couple in the restaurant who allows their child to throw a full-on tantrum or wander unchecked amongst the tables. We’ve all tripped over a stroller on our way to a restaurant table. Annoying? Yeah. A little. IT’S PART OF LIFE. I’ll make you a deal–I won’t bitch about your oversized $500 Coach purse, and you quit bitching about my kid’s stroller. We’re all doing the best we can (for the most part). If you can’t deal with that, I agree with Erin…maybe YOU should just stay home.
This is obviously something you’re passionate about, but as someone with about 10 years’ waitressing experience, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that (cockiness aside), most of that article really made a lot of sense to me. Now, I’m also childless (so far, and that will hopefully change in a couple years), but a lot of parents DON’T follow those kinds of tips for dining out, and many of them really do become a safety issue (strollers that are in the way, kids running free, etc.). I’ve almost wiped out more than once because people weren’t doing these things.
The only ones I really disagreed with was the one about not taking pictures (seriously, does that really bother people? It takes less than a second!) and the no breastfeeding one. Although, I do think it reasonable to ask breastfeeding mothers to cover up the process a little with a blanket or a special top, something that most responsible breastfeeding mothers do. But, trust me, there are mothers out there who just lift their shirts and go to town. And, yes, I do find that distracting/kinda gross/unappetizing for other patrons of the restaurant/rude. I am sure that is not what you’re talking about :)
I have not read the article, do not want to, it makes no difference to me what some bitch thinks about how children should behave. My solution is as follows, if you have a problem with a child, or children in resturants stay home and eat take out. They are little people, not pets. There are people that do not care properly for thier kids in public, and I have gone over to a table where the parents were sitting and said, “I am sure you must not realize it, but your child just went into the kitchen area”, yes true story. The resturant is not a safe place for kids to be running around, unattend, under any circumsances.Neither is the mall, or the grocery store, but you will see people not attending to their kids there either, NOT the childs fault. No they are not “brats” they are just not being taught the right behavior. Now loud children, that is another story, I am a firm believer that a child will never learn to behave correctly unless they are given a chance to be in a reasturant and are taught the correct way to behave. It takes time to do this, one time out will not be enough,it is no different than any other life lesson they have to learn. It takes time to teach children stuff, and alot of work, if someone is more worried about a child being a little loud in a resturant, stay home. As far as breastfeeding in public, well I must say that is up to the Mommy, if she is ok with it, and the baby is hungry it should be done where they are. I do not think it is something that anyone should have anything to say about, period. The bathroom is not a sanitary place under the best of circumstances, no matter how clean they are. People poo in there, and god knows what else. I do not even like to see babys being changed in there, never mind fed. Would you eat in a bathroom, i think not. The strollers and high chairs, well they have to be there, it is just like an adult that cannot walk, would you tell them they cannot bring the chair in to a resturant? Please..
If someone is so worried about having a child near them when they eat they have several things they can do, Ask in advance if the resturant is a family type, and if they have alot of kids there. Or see my suggestion above. You might also ask to be seated in a quiet area, away from the crowd, but then you would complain cause they put you near the kitchen. If you are so dead set against children, make it known to your hostess, but you had better be sure it is not me, cause i would tell you to go somewhere else……