Soooooo……I’m giving up Facebook.
Is this worth posting about?
Yes. Yes it is.
For the record, I’ve really loved Facebook for keeping in touch with people from all the different parts of my life. I like to update with pictures of my son throughout the day for family who live out of town, or to just generally brag about his cuteness…and I have always tried to keep things low-key. Happy updates, maybe some griping about lack of sleep (what Mom isn’t comforted by knowing another Mom is up at 2am as well?) but even still it’s started to become the wrong kind of distraction. More and more I have to wonder about the social ramifications of friending or unfriending someone. Before I go, however, I’d like to share some thoughts I’ve had with you. These thoughts have been spinning around in my head for months now. MONTHS. (Thoughts, by the way, that have used up valuable brain space. Looking forward to freeing that up.) My hope is that if you read this, you will not feel like what I’m writing is in response to something you did on Facebook. Please do not think that I’m writing this message for you or someone else in particular. I’m sharing the following thoughts because I have seen SO MANY PEOPLE get caught up in these situations. I’ve even gotten caught up in a few. I finally just have to say something so that it can get out of my head.
#1) Facebook is not a substitute for a real conversation, much less a real relationship.
Quite simply, Facebook has made people lazy. Myself included. It’s easy to write a note on someone’s birthday (a birthday I wouldn’t have remembered without facebook’s reminders) or feel like a good friend when I offer some supportive words on facebook. But it’s not real. If Facebook augments a real relationship, it can be great. But if you use it INSTEAD of actually fostering a relationship, it’s an illusion of friendship. And I want to put real effort into my friendships. Facebook is also something to hide behind. It is so much easier to write a wall post than confront someone that you need to have a conversation with. Easier, but not better.
In the next few days I’ll be going through my friends list and getting the contact info from my “friends.” Please, feel free to email me/call me/set up a time to come visit. My email address is: erinhattaway@gmail.com or littlekitegirl@gmail.com. As for my blog-friends, you’ll probably see me getting off my lazy-butt and actually clicking over from Google Reader to leave an actual comment on your actual blog. Holy whoa. Right?
#2) Facebook is not my only option.
It seems more and more that when someone leaves Facebook, people think, “Oh no, how will I talk to them?” This, to me, is indicative of a pretty big problem. Pick up the phone and call. Email. There are even other chat applications like AIM or Google Chat that will allow you to “chat” without a dose of daily drama, served up to you by the same people selling you Ugg boots in the sidebars and asking you to comment on the fact that someone’s brother-in-law just found a poor little seahorse and gave it a new home.
For those who like seeing pictures of my son, I’m going to be posting them here now. We’re not going to make you jump through hoops or sign into another site. It’ll just be right here, open to those who’d like to stay in the loop. I’ve got some prep work to do before I can get it all up and running, but be patient and you’ll get your updates soon enough. Thanks for expressing interest in seeing him. Because that’s important to me. I LOVE that you like to keep up with how he’s growing, that you enjoy seeing his truck tucked neatly into his cereal bowl. Technology allows us to share so much, and I will not take that for granted. But I’d just like to do it on my own terms. Also, trusting Facebook security is a joke anyway, and we’re not as wary of the Internet as we were in the beginning. So I’ll be posting pictures, videos, and daily updates right here on this site and I would LOVE it if you would stop by. Leave comments. Email me, call me, or set up a time to get together so that you can see my son live and in person.
Do remember though, that just because you can see him doesn’t mean he can see you. And if you want to be a part of his life, showing up when he’s 15 and saying, “I’ve seen you grow up on Facebook!” isn’t going to make him feel a closeness to you. You are welcome to get to know him in person. Have him learn your name, or the car you drive…which seems to be how he identifies people lately? Oh boy… Let’s set up a playdate. It doesn’t need to be all the time, we’re all busy. If we can swing a visit once a year or more, it’s better than nothing. It’s better than an anonymous relationship with extended family or once dear friends over Facebook. Hey! I’d even be willing to set up a Skype Chat with any family members or friends who wanted to say hi to my little boy “in person” but can’t make the drive.
#3) I don’t have to put up with the bad to get the good.
I had a lot of people say “I have totally been tempted to give up Facebook, too! I just can’t.” And I felt that way. There are SO MANY PEOPLE that I only talk to because of Facebook, but you know what? I’m going to try and make this work. I’m going to try and reach out, make the same facets of my life that I LOVE sharing on Facebook available through this site, make more phone calls, visit people more often. I think we can do it. I don’t have to put up with all the bad to get the good. I’m going to figure out how to get the good. And it’ll be just fine.
4) I refuse to be part of a community where bullies go unchecked.
Facebook is used to bully every day. I’ve seen it happen to my family, I’ve seen it happen to friends, I’ve seen it happen to people I don’t even know. One person makes a comment about someone, and all of a sudden you’ve got a group of people talking about the “incident” or the “information” or whatever is circulating. In a matter of seconds, with a few clicks of a mouse or keys on a keyboard a misunderstanding or a legitimate and private disagreement between two people can become one vs. the many. I will not always be able to avoid this in life. People are going to bully other people and say hurtful things in public forums and cast shame on their family and friends in a million different ways. But this is one way, one place, that I don’t have to be. I can simply not. log. in. I can provide myself with other avenues of communication. And that’s what I intend to do.
So those are my beefs with Facebook. It’s going to be like ripping off a bandaid, I’m pretty sure. I’ll probably miss having my statuses “liked,” which is always a bit of validation for me at the end of the day. I’ll miss seeing the pictures you’ll post, although the people who post pictures on Facebook tend to have blogs I follow as well. And I’ll miss the distraction, something to stare at when I really rather not be dealing with whatever I have to deal with at the moment. But I think we all know without saying that it’s probably better in those moments to decompress in other ways.
I will not miss reading some piece of gossip about someone I don’t even know and thinking, “BURN! That was harsh!” because we could all deal with less harsh things in our lives. I won’t miss worrying about un-friending someone I still care about but just don’t want to see the sordid details of their life they provide online, or the politics of who I friend or don’t and why. I will not miss political rants. One. Little Bit. Or the lost seahorses. Or Mafia Wars, which I tried to “hide” a million times and it WOULD NOT GO AWAY.
And who knows? Maybe I’ll be more well-read, make more time for running and being outside and away from the software application that I’ve let in so many ways determine what I think about, who I stay in touch with, what I want and who I talk to and what I have to say.
So goodbye Facebook. Let me be clear. It’s not me. It’s You. ;)
