Entries RSS Comments RSS

Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

Yup.

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

So. Lots of people are on baby number two.  Or three.  (Or whatnot.)

It’s giving me baby fever, yo.

Last week I just didn’t feel ready to have a baby again, yet.  But all of a sudden I’m starting to wonder.

I guess Cy named the stuffed animals that live in the living room Mommy, Daddy, and Cy.  Then we found little tiny one near them, put there by the La La fairy.

Forgive the grainy picture of the teeny bear representing my unconceived child.

And even though the timing is never ideal, I’m starting to lay awake at night going over names that end in Y (sorry, a fascination of mine) in my head.  And then tonight at dinner  John and I were discussing it (as we’re apt to do from time to time) and John said, “Well, Cy is part of this family.  We should ask him how he feels about it.”  So I turned to Cy and said, “Cy, would you like us to have a new little baby?”  And he said, “Ok! Baby Emi!”

And EMILY TOTALLY ENDS IN Y!

Sheesh.

So it’s time to get myself ready, I guess.  Get healthier, get fortified.  Get sorted.  Then, get pregnant.

Don’t get too excited people, those first things could take awhile.

Rambling Update About My Life

Friday, July 16th, 2010

This week I’ve spent time in the mountains, at the beach, had a date night with my husband and a girl’s night out with some friends.  I’m not going to elaborate on the fabulousness, but let’s just say it’s been busy and new and nice! But on to the real subject(s) at hand…

So I’ve found out that when John is not in bed with me, I’m colder.  Not that we’re conoodling all the time…(I don’t know what that word means, actually) as a matter of fact I can not sleep when anyone is touching me…but even still.  Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So John is once again at his residency.  And this time it will be a residency without time outs for funerals or other personal hardships, and there will be sunshine.  So here’s hoping he can actually relax, enjoy the retreat, and learn some stuff.  And that I won’t freeze to death in his absence.

I might be getting used to being on my own a bit more.  His first residency I FREAKED OUT.  I didn’t know how to be without him, however corny that sounds.  But this time, I’m still sad…but like I told my Mom, it’s good sad.  He’s somewhere good doing good things, I’m missing him because I love him and that’s not a bad thing, and I’ve got plenty of support and a wonderful kid to keep me busy while he’s gone.

And also some good news.

I got into my program.

What program? You may ask?  Well, due to my track record with life-plans, I didn’t give anyone a real heads up about this one.  I’ve decided to start a Post-Bac program to become a certified ESL teacher, secondary ed.  Yes, I know the pay grade.  I also know that I’m a) qualified (what? something a philosophy major can do?*) b) interested and c) passionate about this subject.  Also, with my feelings about my son and my role in his life, teaching seems the way to go.  It will allow me time with him, which I value pretty much above all else.  Means I might actually be able to have MORE children one day.  Ya think?  I’m not saying that there aren’t other jobs that will allow the same, but this one’s the one for me.  I’m pretty sure.

That said, if I don’t get financial aid, the dream gets to wait.  But I’m crossing my fingers and enjoying the getting in. (Also, the rest of my application needs to get there, they’re still waiting on a few things to make sure I’m not a crazy, letters of recommendation and stuff…but other than that I’m all good.)

Also, I also got the update that I am cleared to teach at a local private post-secondary ed school.  Adjunct, of course, but it could be a job! And I could get teaching experience! And it would be just awesome.  I’m ready to be put on the payroll, it’s just a matter of a class for me to teach.  Again, crossing my fingers that they’re not rolling in more experienced teachers in September.  They’ve indicated that there should be space for me, so yes.  September could be REALLY REALLY busy.  Or it could be a total letdown. Either way, I’m happy and hopeful right now.

And my son? My amazing Camper that I’ve stayed home for two years while practicing my own personal form of attachment parenting?  He gets a new “nanny,” AKA my Mom, who seems just as excited as I do about the impending change.  I think he’ll wear her out, (and hopefully vice versa) but I’m just peaceful inside thinking that I’ll be able to get back on track with work/school, and know that my Mom will love on my kid just as much as I will.  She’s already talking about a weekly schedule :) And it’s not like I’ll never be home.  It’ll just be a new…balancing act.

So yes, that is the update.  And now I shall go to bed.

*Anyone else catch the philosophy major dig in Eclipse? Yeah.

Musical Tuesday

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Music has officially taken over my Tuesdays. First up in the morning is Music Together for Camper. We went to his actual class this week (last week we had to do it on Saturday instead because of Target silliness) and I was VERY happy with his group. There are a couple of older kids- but the bulk of the bevy are sitters/crawlers. It was super cute to see them all sitting in the middle of the floor together, greeting each other, and the percentage of people on all fours helped Camper feel secure enough to choose his own instruments instead of letting me get him one and bring it back to him. Music Together is mixed ages, so you can never guarantee an older or younger class. It works out well because the different aged children love to mimic/teach each other and entertain each other. But still…I’m glad to not have to watch his fingers around so many stomping toes.

Music-Together-

On TOP of it, I mentioned something about his super huge noggin and my difficulty in finding hats I like and a mom sitting next to me said, “Do you want me to make him a hat?” I was all…”Huh?” She said that she knits, and she’d be happy to get together with me and make him one, or even teach me. For maybe the first time ever another mom approached ME about doing something out of playgroup. It was nice to meet someone who seems interested in DOING things. Maybe this winter won’t be so long, after all. (Does anyone else get the warm fuzzies when you think about finding that perfect mom friend? Someone to hang out with, do things with, complain to, learn stuff from? LIVES LOCALLY. Is this only on TV?)

So yes, Musical Tuesday will now continue with a new piano student (another Mom, actually. Her husband bought her lessons for her birthday, which is so very sweet) and then my three kiddo students. After THAT I get to see if I can help a friend from high school with HER piano needs, and NEXT week I’ll be adding another man to the mix, as well. HIS wife bought him piano lessons for Christmas. So yeah. Tuesdays are full up. I’m excited. I think if I can get Thursdays started up soon, I might look around for lessons for myself again. It’s so hard because technically…I know what’s going on. It’s just the CONFIDENCE. I literally get all choked up when I try to play in front of people. Ah, we’ll see.

Oh, in other news…Camper has a new obsession.

snack 1

The Munchkin Snack Trap.  I gave it to him for the first time on our ride to Music Together, and then on the ride home.  When I went to take him out of his seat he was gripping both handles so tightly that I couldn’t get his arms out of the car seat straps.  When  I tried to take it away to give him lunch he FREAKED OUT.  I’ve never seen him react like this to anything.  He just wanted to keep his little fingers wrapped around those handles.  Maybe it’s because I don’t give him cups with handles usually?  This is special?  He ate holding it with one hand until I brought out the quesadilla, and was able to get it away from him without him noticing.

Seriously people.  Like it’s his new best friend.

Also: Last night I had a dream that I was buying a necklace from a jewelry store on my way home to teach piano.  While I was paying I got a  phone call telling me that my student was already at home, and I needed to get there NOW.  I got into my car only to turn and see John going into the store, but had to go.  I pulled out into the intersection to find it blocked off by police- obviously waiting for me.  And then it gets weird.  I saw them use some kind of weapon, and then a pulse went through the air and my whole body just shut off.  I felt myself relax and realized I had no control over my muscles.  I fought it until I decided it wasn’t worth it and close my eyes.  Then I woke up to find myself in bed.  It was SO WEIRD.  Why were they waiting for me?  What had I done?  They didn’t know I was innocent!  What was John doing there?  It felt so real- and the feeling of having no control over my body and no way to stop them from taking me was- outrageous.  It was enough of a physcial experience that I woke up and thought, “Whoa…cool.”

My Giver

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

So John is gone for a few days.  He is away at school, here, completing the first of four residencies for his master’s degree.  I’m excited for him, I’m jealous that he gets to stay there.  I bet he can hear the ocean at night if he opens his windows.  If there’s a storm I’m sure it’ll be awesome.  I hope he learns good stuffs.  And I hope he blogs some pretty pictures.  I didn’t realize how  jealous I was about the actual LOCATION that he’s staying in until just now.  And I just realized last night, as well, that not only did I lose my husband for 10 days…but also my access to the Mac.  Sigh.

While I was walking into church this morning, someone asked how I was.  I said, “Good, tired.  And now with John gone, probably more so.”  I can’t remember the exact wording, but she replied and joked that maybe I’d get MORE rest without a husband AND a baby to take care of.  I said, “Not really, John’s really more of a giver than a taker.”

And I realized how true that is.  I mean, for instance, without him around today we really had to squabble to find out who was going to provide the family with some baked goods today.  (I think my Mom did it, in the end.) And who is going to make our bed for the next 10 days?  He does it so much better than I do.

But with all seriousness, I have realized that John does a lot to help me rest, and relax, and he ALWAYS listens to what I have to say.  Always.  I don’t know if this is rare among husbands, but I think maybe him going away will help me to appreciate even a little bit more all he does for me.  Maybe it’ll do the same for him, assuming there is no one on Enders Island to cut his apples up or eat the first bite of his food.

I guess separation can be good, but I hate it.  I just need to keep busy and make sure that I’m not wallowing in missing him, and I think the time will pass by quickly.  I feel dorky that I so sad about 10 measly days, but seriously, I like that guy.  I like having him around.

In other news, I was having my weekly (heh…every other day is more like it) freak out about what we need to do to get ahead, to take care of ourselves, etc.  John went and got one of his journals, and inside was a list.  On the list were things he was meant to do when Camper first arrived.  They all had to do with moving out here, finding jobs, starting school, etc.  Although things did not work out quite as well planned, there wasn’t one thing on the list that couldn’t be crossed off.  And I remember that list being pretty daunting those many months ago.  So we’re making progress.  Where he is right now proves it, and I feel very hopeful about our future right now.  Very hopeful indeed.

First Night of Resignation

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

So John resigned from the job, because he has a NEW job, starting tomorrow!  That means my husband will be home at night.  All night, no more sleeping by myself!  We changed the sheets on the bed yesterday, and he went and got his favorite pillow from the office, and I got all bleary-eyed.  He will be HOME.  So how did we spend our first evening of his resignation?

8pm Put Camper to bed, watch Chuck.

10:30pm Camper wakes up for his last minute feeding, eats two ounces, passes out.  SCORE. Back to Chuck.

11:00pm Camper makes a funny noise, we interrupt Chuck to go see what is up.  As I pick him up, he pukes down my front, and I smell the unmistakable smell of poo.  Sick poo, which is different than well poo.  I start to change him when John discovers that he’s pooed out his diaper into his crib.

11:15pm Laundry

11:30pm Watching mindless TV with a child, suddenly hyper, chewing on our fresh sheets between us.

12:00am Camper starts with the scratching.  When he’s falling asleep, he scratches the sheets, my neck, my shirt, whatever he can get his hands on.

12:30am After a million Mommy kisses, Camper falls asleep and I relocate him to his crib.  He then starts to scream.

12:32am He ceases crying, and begins banging his pacifier along the slats of his crib, prison style.

12:33am John goes in to cuddle Camper to sleep.

1am John comes back to bed, falls asleep, and promptly begins to snore/cough.

1:30am I instruct him to face the other way in bed.

2am I fall asleep.

4:30am Camper wakes up, comes into bed with me.  John has mysteriously disappeared into the office bed, where he slept because his cold was making him restless, and keeping me up.

5am-7:30am In and out of sleep with Camper scratching me, and me replacing his pacifier every 15 minutes.

7:35am Up so that we can get to a doctor’s appointment for the baby.

So yeah, hopefully we get in the swing of NIGHTTIME again soon.  Oh my.  But yes, we ended up bringing Camper into the doctor this morning.  He’s has a runny nose since May 10th (I know, dorky me, keeping track) and had a rash from about May 12-19.  The last three days he won’t really eat, but he’s been pooing non-stop.  When I called the doctor to ask if we should be concerned, they said probably not, but to bring him in anyway.  He hasn’t had a significant fever, and the nurse practicioner we saw this morning did not think that he had Fifth Disease, based on the type of rash.  More likely, our recent travels have done a doosy on his skin, he has allergies and may a slight cold, and is teething.  All at the same time.  She said that he’s not dehydrated, and that hopefully the nose will clear up when the pollen changes.  Apparently if it IS allergies, there’s nothing they can do until he’s two.  Poor kiddo.  The snot is making it hard for him to eat, and messing up his poo.  So there ya go.  I guess you couldn’t expect anything different from a child made out of a combination of our genetic material.  He never had a chance.

So tomorrow is John’s first day of DAYTIME work.  Which means that he’ll get up super early, commute to New York, and be gone all day long.  But hey, I get to see him all night, as long as he doesn’t snore, right?

PS Robin, if you are reading this, I keep dreaming (as in twice now) that you got a new washing machine.   A huge one with a red lid, and that you won’t let anyone but me see it.  And when I say HUGE, I mean HUGE, as in filling up the whole basement.  I wonder what that means…

As I listen to a salt shaker sing, I review my nightmare.

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

Camper was watching Blue’s Clues (one of his favs) but then Grammy Lee grabbed him and brought him into the other room.  So now I’m watching it alone.  Cool, huh?  So, the reason for this early morning update is to chronicle my hideous, horrible dream from last night/this morning.

I was engaged to that Duggar kid.  The oldest one.

Let me back up.  In my dream, I knew John, I was wearing my wedding rings, and I was trying to text him.  This makes me think that my engagement to the oldest Duggar was either a secret plot or some serious brain burp.  So the oldest Duggar gets down on one knee and proposes, to which I say, “Yes” even though I was thinking, “Um…no?”  He gave me my ring, some weird diamond encrusted version of a daffodil?  Yes people.  I say “Thanks” and begin to fake-cry out of joy.  Yes, I remember fake crying.  So then we are in a huge bus with his whole family and I start to send John a text message saying, “He asked me to marry him!” and the oldest Duggar says, “Now that we’re engaged to be married, I don’t think you should be text messaging.  Let me see your phone.”  Jaw DROP.  I was all, “Um, no?” But he took it and looked at it while his mother started explaining something to me about a man’s role in the family and understanding her son and God.  I wasn’t listening because I was still mouth hanging open surprised that he had invaded my privacy that much.  Fast forward to me accidently calling the oldest Duggar Camper’s name, and getting a vague memory that someone was out there waiting for me.  (I think this indicates that I had a case of amnesia, quite possibly a similar situation to this lady here.)  So yes.  Then I remember trying on lots of different outfits trying to find something that fit (which for some reason included white tights with little presents on them, little girl style) and that would keep me warm while talking to John outside about the situation.

Fast forward AGAIN to me, on a mission (as in religious mission, for my church), still married to John and engaged to the Duggar kid- and I get a phonecall from my mission Pres.  He tells me, “Let’s talk about your boyfriend.” Now, let me explain.  Boyfriends are not allowed on a mission.  Not to mention that I’m married, engaged to someone else, and now I have a boyfriend on top of it?  And my mission president seems supportive?

I woke up with a headache people.  Now it’s time for a shower.

Seriously Weird Dreams, Yo

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

Everyone had weird dreams last night! John woke up and told me he had a dream that he was driving and was pulled over.  That’s not the bad part, apparently they cops thought he was driving with our baby on his lap and  took Camper away and wouldn’t give him back.  He had to call me to tell me that I could pick the baby up the next morning and I got mad (which would probably be the case). You think that’s weird…well…he also dreamed that I told him I was pregnant again.  Cut to a phone call from Jonathan this morning during which he told me that he had a dream last night that I had a daughter named Isabella.  (No, he hasn’t seen Twilight.)  Weird, if I hadn’t had my period for like…10 days straight…(first one after the baby) I would be out buying a pregnancy test.  Maybe.  But no babies for us for awhile.  Except for the one we have, of course.

I had a pretty weird dream myself, very vivid! I was back on my mission in London, in one of the nasty flats we always seemed to find ourselves in (Brixton…probably) and my mission companion was none other than the newest blogger mommy, Kimba!  (Hi Kimba!)  We were trying to get our babies to go to bed so we could keep our 10:30pm bedtime.  I was going to leave a comment on her website, but I thought that it’s be less WEIRDO of me to just mention it here instead.  Haha.  It’s probably because of the pictures of her new wonderful baby boy, congratulations!

So yeah…I have a history of weird, vivid dreams, but it seems like it was going around last night.  What did YOU dream last night?

Pizza and Monsters and Birthdays

Monday, January 7th, 2008

Doesn’t anybody sell pizza by the slice out here? Seriously. After leaving work tonight I had to run a couple of errands and the traffic was horrible. I keep thinking about the pizza we had yesterday, and wanted some more. To safe myself the horror of getting an entire pizza, I started looking around for a slice. I took a detour off of University Ave to stop by this teeny little pizza place in the middle of nowhere. (Or, I guess, in the middle of Provo.) I thought- this place has GOT to have pizza by the slice. When I asked they said, “What? One slice?” and I said “Yes, one slice,” and they looked at me like I was from mars. Or maybe Jersey. Needless to say I grit my teeth and went on with the errands with no food- telling myself that hunger is good. It burns calories. (I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s what I tell myself.)

Work today was good. We had an offer for publishing. Just like that. It’s amazing how smoothly it happened. Looking back- I’ve been working on this project for 9 months- and we’ve got about 5 chapters completely done- 19 more in queue, and a proposal that caught some attention. It’s been a lot of work. A lot. Fortunately, in non-fiction, you submit a proposal and a few chapters in order to get signed, unlike fiction, which usually requires a complete draft. I’m excited to get with a real publishing house and editor to get some real guidance with what we’re doing. It feels good that people are liking it so far.

Yesterday was John’s birthday :) We went to church in the morning. I taught my new class which was full of 8 year old little girls who were full of wiggles and chattiness and willingness to participate. Not a bad combo. I could never, ever be an elementary school teacher.

When we got home we made some GF pizza- and a cake. The pizza turned out GREAT. The cake- well, I’ll try again next year. It wasn’t BAD, but it didn’t hold a candle to our wedding cakes- either of them! Then we just watched movies and ate, and spent the day together. I timed the cake frosting just in time for John’s parent’s to call and sing to him :) He also got calls from one of his brothers and both of his sisters. I know he pretends to not like his birthday- but I think he really appreciates hearing from his family. He even likes the singing. I think. ;)

I gave him his presents at midnight. John has the ability to guess what I’ve gotten him for a special occasion by simply walking into the same room with the wrapped package- so I changed it up a bit. I took a couple books off his shelves and wrapped them up, and then deposited the REAL gifts into the gym bag under the bed.  Just to cover the bases. When he opened the books and was confused, I got to tell him I was the MASTA PLANNA and hid his real presents. Was fun. I had gone to the Apple store and gotten him an extra power supply and then a speaker thinger for his ipods. My parents chipped in a bit in place of sending him something else.

So yes. I also had a very weird dream last night. Neil Gaiman-esque even. I was in a closet trying to figure out which way I should get out, backwards or forwards, when I heard a monster outside of one of the doors. I had to squeeze in between a couple of boards to get into the other side of the closet and out another door, the whole time I heard the roaring outside. I escaped into another room where there was a girl sitting quietly on her bed looking out the open window. She said, “I knew you were coming. Now he knows you can get out. I’ll have to jump.” And I saw an image of her jumping out the window and falling onto the pavement a couple stories below. Instead, I took her hand and we ran down some stairs and outside. As soon as we got outside she said, “But it’s going to rain.” And I said, “Ok, we’ll get wet.” And she just said, “No,” and we ran into a mall nearby just in time for the rain to start. But instead of water, it rained pennies- punching the pavement as they fell.

And then I woke up. Weird, I know.

Protected: Dreams

Saturday, December 15th, 2007

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


They Told Me I Should Go To Rehab

Saturday, November 24th, 2007

John got home from work and I was looking at thesuperficial.com, which resulted in this conversation:

Erin: Who is Amy Whinehouse?

John: Her name sounds familiar.

Erin AND John: Rehab!

Erin: I had a dream about that song last night!

John: I had a dream last night that you were accused of being a prostitute, by a doctor we were both seeing.

Erin: Awkward. I dreamt that I went to rehab, and Jo Lo was running it, and I told her I didn’t want to be there and so she sang Rehab.

*And, just as a side note, I had a dream a couple months ago that Jo Lo was pregnant. The next day I went to my brother’s apartment and saw a people magazine, a cover line announcing Jo Lo’s impending Mommy-hood. I’m like psychic. Except…I hope not about the rehab.