John « Little Kite Girl

Archive for the ‘John’ Category

Rambling Update About My Life

Friday, July 16th, 2010

This week I’ve spent time in the mountains, at the beach, had a date night with my husband and a girl’s night out with some friends. I’m not going to elaborate on the fabulousness, but let’s just say it’s been busy and new and nice! But on to the real subject(s) at hand…

So I’ve found out that when John is not in bed with me, I’m colder. Not that we’re conoodling all the time…(I don’t know what that word means, actually) as a matter of fact I can not sleep when anyone is touching me…but even still. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So John is once again at his residency. And this time it will be a residency without time outs for funerals or other personal hardships, and there will be sunshine. So here’s hoping he can actually relax, enjoy the retreat, and learn some stuff. And that I won’t freeze to death in his absence.

I might be getting used to being on my own a bit more. His first residency I FREAKED OUT. I didn’t know how to be without him, however corny that sounds. But this time, I’m still sad…but like I told my Mom, it’s good sad. He’s somewhere good doing good things, I’m missing him because I love him and that’s not a bad thing, and I’ve got plenty of support and a wonderful kid to keep me busy while he’s gone.

And also some good news.

I got into my program.

What program? You may ask? Well, due to my track record with life-plans, I didn’t give anyone a real heads up about this one. I’ve decided to start a Post-Bac program to become a certified ESL teacher, secondary ed. Yes, I know the pay grade. I also know that I’m a) qualified (what? something a philosophy major can do?*) b) interested and c) passionate about this subject. Also, with my feelings about my son and my role in his life, teaching seems the way to go. It will allow me time with him, which I value pretty much above all else. Means I might actually be able to have MORE children one day. Ya think? I’m not saying that there aren’t other jobs that will allow the same, but this one’s the one for me. I’m pretty sure.

That said, if I don’t get financial aid, the dream gets to wait. But I’m crossing my fingers and enjoying the getting in. (Also, the rest of my application needs to get there, they’re still waiting on a few things to make sure I’m not a crazy, letters of recommendation and stuff…but other than that I’m all good.)

Also, I also got the update that I am cleared to teach at a local private post-secondary ed school. Adjunct, of course, but it could be a job! And I could get teaching experience! And it would be just awesome. I’m ready to be put on the payroll, it’s just a matter of a class for me to teach. Again, crossing my fingers that they’re not rolling in more experienced teachers in September. They’ve indicated that there should be space for me, so yes. September could be REALLY REALLY busy. Or it could be a total letdown. Either way, I’m happy and hopeful right now.

And my son? My amazing Camper that I’ve stayed home for two years while practicing my own personal form of attachment parenting? He gets a new “nanny,” AKA my Mom, who seems just as excited as I do about the impending change. I think he’ll wear her out, (and hopefully vice versa) but I’m just peaceful inside thinking that I’ll be able to get back on track with work/school, and know that my Mom will love on my kid just as much as I will. She’s already talking about a weekly schedule :) And it’s not like I’ll never be home. It’ll just be a new…balancing act.

So yes, that is the update. And now I shall go to bed.

*Anyone else catch the philosophy major dig in Eclipse? Yeah.

Posted in Dreams, Family, John, Mommy Upkeep | 3 Comments »

Facebook Convo

Friday, August 7th, 2009

John is cracking me up. He keeps looking through people on Facebook and saying things like,

“I don’t know why he’s in my friend suggestion list. He’s very chubby.” (I don’t think the chubby is the reason why he wonders, he’s fine with chubby people. More of a non-sequitur, really. He was illustrating his lack of understanding of Facebook’s algorithm that allows them to match people. His words. Not mine.)

“Look at her super-rectangular head.”

and

“I think she has lazy eye-lids.”

Hahahahahahaha.

Tags: bedtime, Facebook, John, tired
Posted in John | No Comments »

Two Years Ago, Today

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

This morning we slept in until about 7 am, courtesy of the Camper, who finally got through the night with only one early morning feeding again. Last night I was so “busy” trying to figure out how to troubleshoot his sleeping problems, I had no time to reflect on the night I spent in a beautiful B&B in Manti, Utah, waiting for morning- trying to kill my nerves by reading the new Harry Potter. It didn’t work. I woke up this morning, not running to grab him, crying, out of his crib. I checked on him, he was sleeping peacefully. I laid back in bed and listened to John getting ready in the bathroom, and I had a couple of moments to reflect and think, “Yes, although it’s not necessarily where we planned to be, (did we plan?), I’m proud of us right now.” Two years later.

Wedding 264

Two years ago, today.

From this:

Wedding 174

to this:

to, well. I don’t really have an exciting picture of my midsection right now. But you get the point.

Happy Anniversary John. I’m still in love with our little family. And this is our first anniversary I’m not pregnant. Wo-hoo!

Tags: anniversary, changing, Family
Posted in Family, Holiday!, John | 2 Comments »

My Giver

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

So John is gone for a few days. He is away at school, here, completing the first of four residencies for his master’s degree. I’m excited for him, I’m jealous that he gets to stay there. I bet he can hear the ocean at night if he opens his windows. If there’s a storm I’m sure it’ll be awesome. I hope he learns good stuffs. And I hope he blogs some pretty pictures. I didn’t realize how jealous I was about the actual LOCATION that he’s staying in until just now. And I just realized last night, as well, that not only did I lose my husband for 10 days…but also my access to the Mac. Sigh.

While I was walking into church this morning, someone asked how I was. I said, “Good, tired. And now with John gone, probably more so.” I can’t remember the exact wording, but she replied and joked that maybe I’d get MORE rest without a husband AND a baby to take care of. I said, “Not really, John’s really more of a giver than a taker.”

And I realized how true that is. I mean, for instance, without him around today we really had to squabble to find out who was going to provide the family with some baked goods today. (I think my Mom did it, in the end.) And who is going to make our bed for the next 10 days? He does it so much better than I do.

But with all seriousness, I have realized that John does a lot to help me rest, and relax, and he ALWAYS listens to what I have to say. Always. I don’t know if this is rare among husbands, but I think maybe him going away will help me to appreciate even a little bit more all he does for me. Maybe it’ll do the same for him, assuming there is no one on Enders Island to cut his apples up or eat the first bite of his food.

I guess separation can be good, but I hate it. I just need to keep busy and make sure that I’m not wallowing in missing him, and I think the time will pass by quickly. I feel dorky that I so sad about 10 measly days, but seriously, I like that guy. I like having him around.

In other news, I was having my weekly (heh…every other day is more like it) freak out about what we need to do to get ahead, to take care of ourselves, etc. John went and got one of his journals, and inside was a list. On the list were things he was meant to do when Camper first arrived. They all had to do with moving out here, finding jobs, starting school, etc. Although things did not work out quite as well planned, there wasn’t one thing on the list that couldn’t be crossed off. And I remember that list being pretty daunting those many months ago. So we’re making progress. Where he is right now proves it, and I feel very hopeful about our future right now. Very hopeful indeed.

Tags: hope and school stuff
Posted in Adventures, Dreams, John | 2 Comments »

The Day I Took a Pregnancy Test at Big Y

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

So it’s no secret that John and I have a child. One son. I have a son. (I heart saying this, so sorry for the repetition.) I pretty much dig him, enough that I stay home and stare at him all day long. Ok, so maybe I play with him and read to him and watch Noggin with him and feed him and go on walks with him and change him and cuddle him and try to teach him to be a decent human being. Anyways…he is so amazing and time-consuming that I am currently postponing (not indefinitely) my masters degree and an amazing career to be his stay at home mom. It’s a pretty good job.

Good enough that John and I recently started talking about when to have another baby.

When I got married I said, “We’ll wait a year to have a baby.” We have now been married for almost two years (in September) and have a 9 month old baby. For our little family, having a baby is a decision between the two of us and God. We take that pretty seriously. Although we went through all the practical considerations of “Are we ready? Can we afford this? Can we handle it?” none of that mattered, because we just felt deep down inside that pregnancy prevention was not for us. So I was 8 months pregnant on our first anniversary.

Cut to now, when I once again start to wonder, “Is it time?” We’re living with my Mom and Dad, doing the husband working/in grad school thing, not really all that established in any way shape or form. If I had another baby, it could definitely delay the grad school thing for me even more, but at the same time I’d be DONE with babyness in a couple of years and not have to interrupt school again for quite some time…either until we decided that 2 was not enough or decided to adopt.

Then there is my health, still precarious. I’m even experiencing a bit of a flair-up this week, almost as if my body is telling me, “Remember how sick pregnancy made you???” And the fact that even on the best of days, my son tires me out completely. Totally.

Then there is the dread. The dread of no sleep at all, trying to decide between whose diaper need changed the worst, who needs to be held more when they’re both crying, who has to get up in the middle of the night to do whatever needs to be done for one and then the other. It’s pretty overwhelming. I’ve read a MILLION things these past few weeks about how to choose the space between siblings. I’ve thought about the siblings I know and how they interact with each other, their parents, and the world. Some say space is great, you have two babies that you get to cuddle and love. Others say have them all in quick succession, if you can handle the “intensity” there’s a great payoff at the end.

I’ve obsessed, to say the least, over whether or not it’s time to have another baby.

And you know what? Again, none of that matters. The scholarly articles about the psychology of children in different age brackets or the puff piece in Parenting magazine explaining what it’s like to nurse while going to the bathroom AND saving your 2 year old from drowning in the bathtub…the scouring of blogs of Moms with kids 3 or more years apart wondering if they’ll be close friends or if my academic life would survive such a long stint in Mommy-hood. Wondering if it’s best to have another baby now, with family so close by in case I’m sick again, or even well and just SO TIRED. Because I love having my wonderful supportive parents nearby. Because they are a good Lala and Poppop.

Even with all that said, we’ve made no decisions about anything. I’m coming to realize that we’ll just know when it’s time. Just like we knew with Camper. When we found out we were pregnant (a surprise, that’s for sure) we knew that it was the right time for us, that everything would be just fine. When we decided to stop birth control we didn’t know if I’d get pregnant the next day or the next year, if at all. But we did, and it was PERFECT for our little family.

So I guess what I’m TRYING to say is that I just need to trust that God who let me know what to do before. He’ll let me know again. And until then, Mirena it is.

Oh, and I did take a pregnancy test in Big Y today. We stopped in there to find my Gorton’s Fishermans and some chocolate chunks (why o why do we have to travel to find the foods that we love?) and I was SO NASEUS that I was going to drive us ALL crazy wondering until I just KNEW. Mirena and all, we convince ourselves of crazy things sometimes. I felt very Juno. Except that I’m 26, and the only adoption that’ll go on in the future will hopefully add more children to our family, and my husband and baby were waiting outside the bathroom door. And I’ve never met Jennifer Garner. Anyway. Good times.

Tags: a wee personal, mommyhood, pregnancy
Posted in All About Baby, Day to day, Family, John, Rambles, Religious, Toooo tired to choose a category | No Comments »

How I Slept in TWICE, and Why I Love John

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Apparently Camper woke up at 4:30 this morning. I say apparently because I was completely asleep, and my wonderful husband not only got up and played with him, fed him, and changed him…but also seemed pretty happy about it. I woke up right before six, at which time I took the Bubbs downstairs to get him fed and make John’s lunch for the day. Bubbs would NOT EAT the yogurt/peaches/oatmeal concoction I made, although he’s been eating something similar every morning for about a week. He ended up eating a little bit of sweet potato, Cheerios, and banana pieces. Methinks he wanted to feed himself. Sigh. He was also very sad to see John go to work, which although pathetic, is also nice to see. I love it when he wants to be near his Daddy.

The second gift my lovely husband gave me today was Bubby’s early nap. Because he was up at 4:30am, he went down at 7am, and slept until 9:30. It was early enough in the day that I went right back to bed. Thus, slept in TWO TIMES. The rainy weather and Bubby’s long nap have left me feeling relaxed about the day, which is not usually how I feel about days in general. I’m the “get it done and get it done now!” kind of person. But today we’re just relaxing, doing some chores, cuddling (Camper is breaking the second top tooth I think, which means he’s uber clingy) and some reading. This afternoon I am teaching a new piano student her first lesson, which is always fun. So yes. I think it will be a good day.

And in honor of this good day, I think I’m going to tell the interweb some things I love about John. Because he is very lovable.

1) He calls me by my name. I know that might sound weird, but I very rarely hear him say (or write) “my wife,” and that makes me feel like he really thinks of my as an individual. I’ve always loved that about him.

2) I think if I were to get into Harvard Divinity, he’d be more excited that I would be. And I’d be REALLY excited. He very sincerely supportive of my happiness.

3) He brings me treats sometimes.

4) He really listens when I talk. If I say, “I talked to friend x today,” he’ll say, “Oh, the one that went to (insert school here) that you met (insert location here).” He remembers pretty much everything I tell him, to the point that if he’s not on top of something I told him I know he’s sick.

5) He would probably be happy being a cuddly sleeper, but he always gives me space in bed. I can’t sleep with anyone touching me/breathing on me/looking at me. He lets me hog the bed and the covers.

6) Every since we very first brought Camper home (and even before) he’s been very concerned about the sleep I get. He will often go without himself just so that I can have a little extra. I told him once, “The only uninterrupted sleep is the sleep you give me,” and I mean it. The best sleep I have is when I know that my husband is looking after our son. Apparently, even if I don’t know. I slept pretty well this morning!

7) He is NOT a petty person. If I get something new for myself, or have a fun day out, he’s not the type to feel like I owe him. He’s just happy I had a good time. (Usually I’m the one who then encourages him to get something new or go somewhere fun, just to “even it out.” But he’s taught me that marriage isn’t about getting all the same things, it’s about getting what you need, a little of what you want, which is different for different people.)

8 )He sings to Bubbs. All the time.

9) He will do what he has to do to provide for his family, even working jobs he rather not take. That makes me feel very secure, and very loved.

10) He’s serious about his master’s program. He’s finally found the path that will help him work toward his goals, and he’s going for it. I think it’s awesome, and it reminds me of how we were when we first met each other, before marriage and babies entered into the picture. Reclaiming your path while being a husband and a father is a challenging thing to do, and I’m so glad he’s up for it.

Ok, the Bubbs is making weird raptor noises and looking at me like, “Hey! Hold me!” so I think ten will suffice for now.

I love you John.

Tags: Bubbs, day to day life, John
Posted in Day to day, John | 2 Comments »

Heart Swelling Pride Excited!

Monday, April 6th, 2009

After John got up this evening, he was up in the bathroom/office vicinity when I heard him scream, “ERIIINNN!!!!” Now, for a man that rarely raises his voice for anything, this was pretty unexpected. I, of course, assumed that he was dead and rushed to the stairwell.

No, he is not dead, but he is accepted for the MFA program at Fairfield starting this summer. And as much as I’d like to joke that it’s because I’m a fabulous editor, it was based wholly on the merit of his writing. The email said that his writing was suberb, and a lot of other adjectives that I can’t remember right now because my brain is fried. I remember something like, “sharp, current, relevant” or words to that end. His dialogue was especially good. His themes and undercurrents were interesting and deep. (Shoot me that I can’t think of another word for deep right now. If I didn’t respect my husband’s privacy so much I’d hack into his email and post the email directly.) In other words: really, really good. The head of the program accepted him without even having his complete application in hand- so he’s got to hussle and get that all in- but he’s in.

Now, all of a sudden, this program gives us something to shove our feet into. Although we may continue to endure the job we are currently enduring, we can work towards something bigger. The benefit of a low residency program is that where ever he gets a job, we can go. On the flip side, if we need to stay, we can stay. His program will require some travel, but it isn’t full-time on campus. That helps him juggle life and school and everything else in between.

I am feeling so blessed that he was able to hear back so quickly, and not only that, begin a program that will help him do the one thing that he really wants to do. Another step up. One more step towards good stuff. Plus, I like seeing the glow caused by his validation. It’s amazing to see someone that you love hear that they are good at what they love to do.

A good day.

Tags: good news, John, School
Posted in John | 2 Comments »

Sleeping Alone

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Shortly after we were married, one of John’s professors told him he should write an essay about bed sharing. Apparently, after a life of sleeping alone, adjusting to another person’s presence and habits can be interesting. I’m not sure the essay ever even got started, but I’ve thought about that now and then. What would make it in? Perhaps the fact that EVERY NIGHT we have the following conversation:

Erin: You’re on my side!
John: Are you serious? Are you referring to your side as your 90% of the bed? Because if that’s the case….”
Erin: You are breathing on me.
John: I guess I’m going to turn over now because I have to BREATH to SUSTAIN LIFE.

It’s not as bad as all that. We do like to cuddle. We have cuddle time while finishing our TV show or while reading or chatting, but when it’s time for sleep- that’s it. We turn to opposite sides of the bed so as not to breath on each other, and then drift off into snooze land. Occasionally there is cuddling throughout the night. Like the time that Bubby was up all night and I finished this book about the plague (yeah, as in the Black Death…) and got myself so thoroughly depressed that I got back into bed and “accidentally” woke John up to get a hug so that I wasn’t so sad. Yes. I cried. Mostly these days, though, our nighttime convo goes like this:

Me: Was that Bubbs?
John: Yeah.
Me: Sigh.
John: When was he up last?
Me: An hour ago.
John: I’ll go. You sleep.
Me: says nothing because I’m already asleep

Me: Was that Bubbs?
John: deep breathing
Bubbs: GOO
Me: Sigh.
Bubbs: GOOOOOO
Me: Hey Bubby…what are you doing awake?

So why the sleep time diatribe?
John has a job. This is very, very good news for our little family. It means we can pay our bills. Pull our weight, etc. The job, however, is not ideal. (Aside from being a job. Which makes it super ideal.) He’ll work from 10pm to 7am- which means he’ll need to sleep during the day (which I really hope he can do with a 5 month old hanging around and all the other activity that happens around these parts) and work at night. My luxurious morning nap will also come to an end. Which is not so cool. I really LOVE that nap and am UBER grateful for it. My favorite child still diggs waking up a few times every night and especially loves just BEING UP between 2 and 4am. But we will adjust. More than the sleep, even, it’s nice just having a couple hours when I can REALLY sleep- not listening for Bubbs, just me dead to the world. I can relax like this because I know he’s with his Daddy. Every other hour of sleep I get there is always a part of me listening. Always listening. But I guess grownup life and reality had to catch up with me, and the side effect of trying to get our life in order (i.e. unemployment), although sometimes convenient for napping, is thankfully coming to an end.

So today I am grateful and worried at the same time. Although we might not be the cuddlesleeperchamps of America, it’s nice to know he’s there, breathing in the opposite direction, each and every single night. Hopefully I will not suffer from having been spoiled, and hopefully John will be OK working nights and not become too exhausted, and hopefully this will be a short stint as we keep applying to (and hearing from at least one last week!) other places who would be a better employment match for us. New things all the time, huh?

Tags: John, sleeping habits, Work
Posted in All About Baby, Day to day, John | No Comments »

Happy Birthday John!

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

It was a fun night :) This is the end of our humongous Chinese food dinner. We ordered EVERYTHING we wanted. Needless to say, we came home with loads of leftovers.

My fortune cookie said: “Today, be civil, but don’t go out of your way to be over friendly.”

I’m so glad to back in New England ;)

Happy Birthday my love. I’m VERY glad you were born.

Tags: birthday, John
Posted in John | No Comments »

Real

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

So most of the time these days I’m posting about my little boy and how insanely in love with him I am. It’s true. I think I spent most of the morning just breathing in his baby breath (how does it smell so good?) as he tried to fall asleep and feeling his little arms wrapped around my neck. Last night he slept amazingly well. He actually did go to bed around 9:30, til about 2:30am. Then he went back to bed until 5:30am, then again until around 8ish. It’s was a good thing I got some sleep, too, because John certainly didn’t. He pulled an all nighter to finish up his last assignments, which I’m proud to report he DID finish. He is just about to go into his last class of the entire semester now, and when he gets home I fully expect him to crash. Hard. He needs to. But this is my public “I’m proud of you” for a husband who finished his last semester in college (almost!) with a newborn baby, emotional wife, and impending cross-country move. His degree has taken him across state lines and a few years before finishing…and we’re both crazy enough to go on for more. But this is an amazing first step.

So, back to my original point…so yes. I have been on almost sole baby duty for a little bit so John could tackle his scary workload. So I was happy le Camper slept so well last night and has been rather congenial for a couple of days, actually. But you know what I’m finding? And I’m going to get real with you here. This is HARD. He hasn’t taken a nap today, which means all the paperwork type stuff I’ve been needing to do isn’t getting done. I had a fight with the scanner trying to update my blogher info (gets to wait for another day, yet again) and still haven’t gotten out of the house to pick up groceries (much less made a grocery list) or send out our family Christmas presents that arrived yesterday or get my Camper weighed so I can figure out which size diaper to pick up at Costco pre-move. And then I think, “Don’t you just LOVE days when you don’t even get done the things you don’t want to do in the first place?” I’ve held my beautiful baby all morning, and I was just BORED of it. That’s horrible. I know. So I did some dishes to take a break (wo ho!), Camper playing happily in the background (he hasn’t had a screamy day, just an AWAKE one, it’s hard to entertain a 3 month old!) and had a frustrated cry. Then I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since I got up this morning. So I stopped my huge list of “to-do’s,” made myself some soup and a sandwich, and ate. Amazingly enough, the “trapped in my house with someone who can’t talk” feeling faded away.

Moral of the story. EAT SOMETHING. Sheez.

I apologized to Camper for my sour mood. He frowned at me. So I told him to just let me know when he forgave me. Then he smiled. And I finished my soup and we watched the end of some Cheetah Girls in Spain movie together.

And that, my friends, is real.

Tags: for shiz
Posted in All About Baby, John | No Comments »

Little Kite Girl