As I smush my face against John’s face for about 45 seconds, he looks at me quizzically out of the corner of his eye. When I finally pull away he says:
“Was that just a really long sniff-kiss?”
I laugh. “Yes.” I laugh until I snort.
“And was that a snort laugh?”
“Yesssssss……”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sooo….It’s been a long week in which I posted NADA. Not that I didn’t think about it, it’s just been tough to find the time. Let’s go back to the beginning and review…
Monday night John decided and I went to Babies ‘r Us and bought a Snoogle. I had been resistant because of the cost associated with this noodle shaped pillow….but my aching back and restless nights made me realize that it would almost most definitely be worth it. We ended up getting the Snoogle and then a cover to go with it (rip offffff) because I couldn’t fathom having a pillow with no cover. Especially a pillow I pay more than 10 bucks for at WalMart. There are quite a lot of thoughts I have about the Snoogle, so I will list them below:
-The cover had a tag that said, “The Original Replacement Cover.” What the crap does that mean?
-The Snoogle, while helping me sleep like a little baby rock in a cocoon, has some unpleasant side-affects. For example, it makes me a supreme cover stealer. Also, it makes it seem like I haven’t “seen” John all night. I know that seems silly. But that’s how I feel.
-I wish other manufacturers would take up the Snoogle business, break up the monopoly a bit and cheapen the price.
-Snoogle has now become a replacement verb for napping. I now “Snoogle” instead of take a nap.
And finally…
-In a way, it feels like the Snoogle has become another part of the family. Not sure how to splain. So I won’t.
But that’s enough about THAT.
I also started at Westminster this week. John and I have driven up there 3 nights this week, first for orientation on Tuesday, and then for class on Wednesday and Thursday. I know I know…WHY, you ask, does my husband have to drive me to school? Well, there are a few reasons. First of all, he seems to want to. He hangs out in SLC and gets homework done. He even made a new friend at the bookstore and played Go. A game that I’m not familiar with, but he seems to like it. The drive with him is nice….we can chat and actually spend some time together instead of just seeing each other on the way in/out. I will be more independent as he has other things he has to do, but for now…I’m happy with the company and not having to park and knowing that I won’t get lost on the way home.
Classes were good. I’m taking two- Intro to Teaching to Writing and Effective Presentations. The first is only a month long, but the second will last until the end of August. I think I’ll really enjoy my Intro course…it seems interesting and will be over before I know it. EP…on the other hand….well, let’s just say I have high standards for a presentations teacher. My Dad has taught a similar course at different companies through the years, and his opinions combined with my training in Scranton have actually taught me how things should go. From what I saw last night the class may be a bit tedious…but at least I’ll get some time presenting to different people, which is always good to keep up. Even if I don’t feel like the instruction will be particularly helpful…practice is ALWAYS good. And it’s credit, right?
It was funny introducing myself around at school. I felt rather shy, actually. And it’s weird being pregnant there. At BYU every other person you see is pregnant, but Westminster is quite different. I’m actually glad to have found a school with a more “typical” student body. I’ll be able to learn how to act around normal people again, haha.
It seems that no matter where I go- whether it’s BYU or Westminster or Scranton or even my mission- I always find a way to make sure I don’t completely fit in. This time, it’s my Little Camper. But I’m glad to have him there with me, even if it differentiates me from my peers. I definitely felt him kick on my HAND last night during class. It was like he was my little ally saying, “Whoa Mom, this is LAME.” Haha. I was so excited, I’ve felt fluttering before, but never a good solid love-tap. There I was in the middle of class experiencing something just amazing, and unable to share it with anyone. More than sad, it made it feel like kind of a special secret.
When I was at orientation one of the students said, “So, you’re working full-time, going to school, AND pregnant?” She said that I was brave. I don’t feel brave- more than anything I feel like I want to be able to tell Little Camper that any time he can make room in his life for education, he should. At almost any cost. No better way to teach him that ideal than to bring him to school with me, I guess! I’ve realized this past week how important it really is to me. Although I’m SO TIRED at night because of all the travel and anticipate quite a lot of work that I might not feel like I have the energy to do- I need to make room for it. It makes everything in my life feel more vibrant and…well, worthy. Work makes sense when I’m going to school, living in Utah makes sense when I’m going to school, being tired makes sense when I’m going to school. Just one more goal to work toward. It feels good. But I’ll probably still whine about it, just to warn you. Haha.
All I have to do is get through May- and then I’ll have just ONE class a week. That will probably be nice as I get bigger and more waddley. Or would that be waddlier? Have to look that one up….
So- I’ve decided to move on from the song title thing. Mostly- they were only amusing- or even made sense- to me. So I think I’ll give it up for awhile.
So, this morning we slept in (Saturday, soooo nice) then got up and proceeded to do the house cleaning we do each week. We then went on a “date,” meaning….Taco Bell, the carwash, and Walmart. Haha. We got a TON of cleaning products- and one pair of weeee pantalones for our impending baby. I think I’m finding out that I’m loving the whole “frog prince” baby thing. The pants I found were on $3 and had teeny little frogs and turtles on them. I think $3 is great for something Little Camper will probably be able to wear for what, like, two weeks? before he starts putting on weight and popping out of the newborn clothes. To be honest, I’m not sure how that works. I guess I’ll find out.
But I DO have a question- so there are all these “green” cleaning products in WalMart that advertise all natural products, safety on cooking services, etc. My only issue is, they don’t say antibacterial. I’m a big fan of antibacterial….but is it really necessary? So tell me, have you gone green? And if so, do they clean as well? And if not, are these bleach products going to poison Little Camper’s little body?
So, then…on the way home…John and I started into a conversation that we actually have quite often. It is a continuation of conversations in which we have figured out that a) he can’t read my mind and b) he won’t notice (by nature of his boy-ness…or just his particular disposition) when it’s time to move the laundry to the laundry room, or do the dishes, etc. What we’ve decided in the past is that I just need to ASK him to do things. I was cool with this- until it started to go one of two ways. Either I figured I shouldn’t ASK him to do something I can just do ( I mean, how lazy is THAT?) or I did ask him, but apparently in a way that made it sound like he needed to drop what he was doing and do what I asked him to do. The funny thing was, I was taking EXTRA CARE not to sound like that, and in all my trying and question preparation time, I was actually just setting him up to be annoyed…somehow…which is turn, was setting me up to be frustrated. Finally, at the end of the conversation when I had decided that I just couldn’t win I sarcastically said, “Fine, what do you want me to do? Make a list of all the things that need to be done and just stick your name next to half the stuff and write when it needs to be done?”
His answer:
“Yes, yes actually. That would work out really well.”
I started laughing. Turns out, in trying to treat him in a way that I thought I was being super nice and polite, I was actually just being annoying. (At least to him.) One more adventure that teaches us that sometimes we just have to figure out the best way to communicate, and not expect the best way to be the way we think it’s going to be. The one thing that I thought would be demeaning and/or a throwback to the living with roommates days might actually be exactly what he wants. It’ll be a clear, consistent expectation that we don’t have to “talk about” all the time. Sweet. I’ll keep you posted. It seriously cracked me up.
So….the little brother has been with us since Tuesday. It’s been pretty good. It’s nice to actually see him, although I rather not see him at 7am walking through my bedroom in his underwear (the bathroom is through our bedroom). But I like having him around. Gives me time to check up on him and see what he’s up to. His girlfriend is nice- and doesn’t seem to mind hanging around with us, which is a good thing. He works a LOT, so he’s not around enough for me to get bugged. ;) Haha, oh little brothers.
Last night- as well, we went and registered for some baby stuff at Babies ‘R’ Us. It was harder than I thought it would be, that’s for sure! There are so MANY things to think about….and they gave us lists and reading materials to figure out what’s what…so once I go through that I’ll probably get online and revise the things John scanned. We’ve got a few months to get it all figured out, but I love registries because it let’s you feel like you’re shopping without spending money prematurely or filling your house with stuff you don’t need yet.
My biggest questions right now are
a) what kind of bottles do you think baby would like? We’re planning on a mixture of breast and bottle feeding that will allow Little Camper to get super amounts of super nutrients but also give me some freedom. So while your thinking about it….what do you think of pumping? Cause that scares me to DEATH.
and
b) Is it cool to wait for stuff like a high chair and a circle thing with the toys and the teetering (I don’t know what those are called) because really…he won’t be able to hang out in those for awhile.
Yeah….this whole experience has been rather enlightening. First of all, I realised that there is a good chance that I’ll be pumping breast milk like…at work…at school….in PUBLIC. Which I didn’t realise. Cause if I was home, I could just feed the kid directly, right? Apparently John already knew that…or had realised it somewhere between the isle for the breast pumps and the “naturally” shaped bottles that allow Little Camper to go back and forth between the two without getting all confused. I DID educate him on one issue, however, in a discussion in which I told why we should definitely circumcise Little Camper. John was apparently thinking either way would work…but I informed him that we’re definitely going for it, because otherwise we’ll have to teach him some hygiene tips that are altogether avoided with a timely snip snip after birth. I mean….I know boys and the effort they like to put into “self-care.” It’s best if everything is as easily cleanable as possible. I know people who would disagree with me, but just check out this article and the interesting, yet clinical word “smegma” to know what I mean. Seriously. Smegma.
And yes, this is now what we talk about on Friday nights. Fun, huh?
Ok- time to switch the laundry and then go wash MY car. I heart Saturdays.
Doesn’t anybody sell pizza by the slice out here? Seriously. After leaving work tonight I had to run a couple of errands and the traffic was horrible. I keep thinking about the pizza we had yesterday, and wanted some more. To safe myself the horror of getting an entire pizza, I started looking around for a slice. I took a detour off of University Ave to stop by this teeny little pizza place in the middle of nowhere. (Or, I guess, in the middle of Provo.) I thought- this place has GOT to have pizza by the slice. When I asked they said, “What? One slice?” and I said “Yes, one slice,” and they looked at me like I was from mars. Or maybe Jersey. Needless to say I grit my teeth and went on with the errands with no food- telling myself that hunger is good. It burns calories. (I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s what I tell myself.)
Work today was good. We had an offer for publishing. Just like that. It’s amazing how smoothly it happened. Looking back- I’ve been working on this project for 9 months- and we’ve got about 5 chapters completely done- 19 more in queue, and a proposal that caught some attention. It’s been a lot of work. A lot. Fortunately, in non-fiction, you submit a proposal and a few chapters in order to get signed, unlike fiction, which usually requires a complete draft. I’m excited to get with a real publishing house and editor to get some real guidance with what we’re doing. It feels good that people are liking it so far.
Yesterday was John’s birthday :) We went to church in the morning. I taught my new class which was full of 8 year old little girls who were full of wiggles and chattiness and willingness to participate. Not a bad combo. I could never, ever be an elementary school teacher.
When we got home we made some GF pizza- and a cake. The pizza turned out GREAT. The cake- well, I’ll try again next year. It wasn’t BAD, but it didn’t hold a candle to our wedding cakes- either of them! Then we just watched movies and ate, and spent the day together. I timed the cake frosting just in time for John’s parent’s to call and sing to him :) He also got calls from one of his brothers and both of his sisters. I know he pretends to not like his birthday- but I think he really appreciates hearing from his family. He even likes the singing. I think. ;)
I gave him his presents at midnight. John has the ability to guess what I’ve gotten him for a special occasion by simply walking into the same room with the wrapped package- so I changed it up a bit. I took a couple books off his shelves and wrapped them up, and then deposited the REAL gifts into the gym bag under the bed. Just to cover the bases. When he opened the books and was confused, I got to tell him I was the MASTA PLANNA and hid his real presents. Was fun. I had gone to the Apple store and gotten him an extra power supply and then a speaker thinger for his ipods. My parents chipped in a bit in place of sending him something else.
So yes. I also had a very weird dream last night. Neil Gaiman-esque even. I was in a closet trying to figure out which way I should get out, backwards or forwards, when I heard a monster outside of one of the doors. I had to squeeze in between a couple of boards to get into the other side of the closet and out another door, the whole time I heard the roaring outside. I escaped into another room where there was a girl sitting quietly on her bed looking out the open window. She said, “I knew you were coming. Now he knows you can get out. I’ll have to jump.” And I saw an image of her jumping out the window and falling onto the pavement a couple stories below. Instead, I took her hand and we ran down some stairs and outside. As soon as we got outside she said, “But it’s going to rain.” And I said, “Ok, we’ll get wet.” And she just said, “No,” and we ran into a mall nearby just in time for the rain to start. But instead of water, it rained pennies- punching the pavement as they fell.
And then I woke up. Weird, I know.
Ta Da. Last philosophy class last night. I didn’t really think about it until I went in and sat down- but then all of a sudden it dawned on me that except for a few finals related things- I was done with classes at BYU. I am done with classes for my undergraduate degree.
It was kind of funny. Halfway through the first hour Dr. Anderson started talking about the theory of correspondence. He used a triangle as an example of what he was trying to say, and I leaned over to the guy sitting next to me and said, “At least he didn’t use a chair.” You see- in metaphysical lectures of ANY KIND professors almost always say, “Take this chair for example…” and then go into a long thing about how it exists, or does it, is it in our minds, does it simply participate in “chair-ness,” etc. Metaphysics (the study of being) is actually rather important (used to be “first philosophy,” the one you have to study to be able to study anything else. Now, for better or for worse, the philosophy of language has usurped the position, at least in the minds of some philosophers). I’ve never like metaphysics. I would have loved to concentrate on ethics, or even epistemology, but although Scranton offered tons of classes in those areas, BYU…not so much. ANYWAY. So the guy next to me laughs about the chair thing…and sure enough, a couple minutes later Dr. Anderson says, “So, think about a chair, for instance.” And the whole back row cracks up. When I got in the car after class and told John, he said, “At least you came full circle.” Yes. Yes I did. But is that a perfect circle? And does it exist in reality, or in the world of the forms?
Moving on….So yes. Finals are closer than ever. I definitely have my work cut out for me. I think John has a couple of big things left, too, not the least of which is our biology class final. Good times. Gotta study. On the up side, I thought my William James paper was due Wednesday and got it done Monday night (which was early..honestly) and then it turns out it’s not due until Monday during the final. Which is crazy. Because I’ve never been this early. PHEW. So I have time to revise and make it AWESOME .
Last night John and I were meant to go to his work holiday celebration- tubing somewhere up the canyon. His office was closed for the night, so we’d have the whole evening together. Turns out John felt not-so-well yesterday, so we decided that I’d just go to class and then we’d have a relaxing evening at home. It was kind of nice, actually. Reminds me of ollldd times. We walked around Borders and talked a bit, then ate dinner at Bajio. I heart Bajio- and it was nice and empty and dark and nice tasty food. A good date. Then we went to Wal*Mart to get some finishing touches for a box we made for some certain people we love, and then came home. We got to bed before John usually gets home (which was the goal, take advantage of some SLEEP) and resultantly, I woke up in a supa funk this morning. Don’t you love how the body freaks when you suddenly get a healthy amount of sleepy time?
Last night was so nice because we got to just talk- about books, about movies, about work and Christmas and family. We get so busy and even when we’re together we’re not together…so it’s nice when we actually just get to focus on what the other person is saying. After Christmas things are gonna change a bit again. Because we’ve taken this long class together on MWF, we’ve been able to spend most of the daytime during those days driving to school together, sitting in class, getting lunch. When I go full-time, whether my current job is made full-time or I take another opportunity, I’ll be 9am-5pm at work, he’ll be in school in the daytime, then 5-10pm at work himself. So it looks like we’ll have an hour or so of overlap in the evening sometime…after eating and before passing out. It’s kind of sad. But that’s life- we just gotta get this boy graduated, too so the picture can change again, and so we can see each other in the evenings again.
Life is good. It’s actually very, very good. I’m a bit spoiled, honestly. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes.
I try and make a seductive face, and start to giggle.
“I hate that face. I can never do seductive faces.”
“You don’t trust your seductive face. You have to learn to just go with it.”
“Wow, that was deep. You’ve been watching too much America’s Next Top Model.”
“Yes. Yes I have.”
(In all fairness, he’s only watching it because I’m obsessed. And we only have one TV.)
SNOWY! This day has been so snowy :) I love it. I woke up kinda early (ish) and saw my esthetician…who I think is pregnant. Don’t you hate that? When you’re not sure if someone is pregnant or not, and it’s OBVIOUS they have a cute little pregnant belly but they haven’t said anything, and the only question you can think to ask is something like, “So. How’s being pregnant?” Maybe you are smoother than me. So I didn’t say anything…I just tried to check her out whenever she walked away. Which I’m sure made me look like some kind of freak- peering over the table whenever she left me there, craning my neck to try and see. Haha. Then, just as I was paying, she came out and put her hand on her belly. YES. Pregnant. I LOVE talking about people being pregnant. I should’ve asked. But whatever. Maybe it’s like being blonde, or Mormon. Sure, most people know, but do you have to talk about it ALL THE TIME? I realised that she’s probably been pregnant the whole time I’ve known her. I first saw her for my face before the wedding. I would go to her for facials and for other little girl necessities, and I immediately felt comfortable around her. Congratulations her.
After that I came home John and I lounged around a bit and just talked. It was nice- I love those days when it seems like we just laugh and talk and learn secrets about each other. I had to bribe him with one of my secrets to get a specific one out of him. But in the end, I think we BOTH knew a bit more about each other. It’s fun to know each other so well, and still have things we’ve never talked about before. I love having this other person in my life, full of his own preferences and experiences and stories.
After that we ran to the grocery store before we got snowed in. When we came home I cleaned a bit while John tried to do some writing. I feel bad that I’ve distracted him so badly all week being sick- but I think he’s gotten a few things done. It took me FOREVER to clean our house today, though. I didn’t do it my usual “order,” so that’s probably why. But it is done- all except the laundry…that is. Still working that out.
I just finished my lesson for the kids at church tomorrow- and now we’re going to cook some yummy dinner. THEN it’s paper time!! Yessss……
YO. My husband wrote more detail about my life lately than I did in the last couple of entries. So check him out. (Not LIKE THAT. He’s my husband.)
Oh, and everyone needs to know that John sang a Rich and Ron version of Karaoke at my work Christmas party last night AND won a prize. Yup. He’s a good sport.
The new door is in. I’m so relieved. There was definitely a moment or two today when I thought it wouldn’t be able to get done- but John had almost finished it up before I got home. Another trip to Home Depot, and it’s done. It looks good, it feels good, it makes me feel good. On top of that, he fixed our other door- so we now have two locks on the upper door, and three that work on the lower door. My husband built me a fortress.
But that was today. I don’t want to forget all the stuff that went down last night. Jonathan came over last night to keep me company until John got home. As he sat next to me and watched his shows, I realized that the cough he had started with about two weeks ago had not only NOT gone away…but had gotten worse. Much, much worse. I started getting numbers of doctors to call to see if they’d see him today, but ended up deciding that I wouldn’t sleep until he saw a doctor. So- to the emergency room we went. All I have to say is, wow. The ER was full- very full, and at one point some drug-seeker type almost sat on Jonathan to get to a phone. By the time John joined us after work, it had emptied out a little, but we still had to wait about an hour or two before he got back to the REAL doctor. When we got back to the little room (oh how I’ve come to know those rooms well) we settled in for a couple more hours. We didn’t end up leaving until 3 am, and what happened was hysterical. I actually took notes on what John and Jonathan did and said- but honestly, half of it, you kinda had to be there. Like, for example, when Jonathan’s little bracelet was bothering him (or…the hangy-off part of it, anyway) and he asked if John or I had scissors in our back packs…and THEN he made fun of me for suggesting that we use a metal ruler saying, “What, are you going to measure the exact length of the annoying piece of bracelet?” And I gotta tell you, at 1am, that was pretty funny. Jonathan went to get a chest x-ray. When he got back I said, “What did you have to do?” He replied: “He made me take of my pants though. I felt awkward.” So I got all freaked out about THAT, and then, for some reason, after a few minutes of silence Jonathan just said, “John…” and John said, “Jonathan….” and Jonathan said, “John,” and John said, “George,” and then it was Mary Ann, then Professor, Ginger, and then a nurse walked into the room next door and said, “Jasmine?” I almost wet myself. And, now, looking back, there is no way to tell that story and have it be as funny as it was in that moment. The whole time Jonathan was begging for a Popsicles, and no one would give him one until the doctor saw him…but when the doctor came in she was a whirlwind of motion, and, upon discovering that Jonathan had had two collapsed lungs- ordered more X-rays and left the room. So Jonathan goes for more X-Rays and when he gets back I ask, “Did you have to take your pants off again?” And Jonathan responds, “No, it was a woman. This time, she did.” Stupid kid never took off his pants. Will I ever be less gullible? Then, somewhere in ALL OF THAT, Jonathan wants to know if ducks blink (I have no idea why) so John pulls out his computer and Googles it- and it turns out they do, from the bottom up!
Turns out, in all of that, that Jonathan probably has some sort of bacterial infection in his lungs- they are NOT collapsed, and he gets Tylenol with codeine and some sort of antibiotic. It was about 4am when we had gotten his medicine, gotten him home, and gotten in bed. I slept in about an hour to try and make up for a night’s lost sleep, and it actually wasn’t to hard to wake up. So, a few hours at work while John worked on the door, and then I came home in time for him to finish up. I made some chicken, and now- it’s a time for a little rest I think. Definitely, definitely an interesting couple of days.
Ok, this conversation needs a little background. First of all, John and I pretty consistently talk about kid names. Because it’s fun. And also, he took me to hold small puppies last week. Because I was sad. This is from a chat whilst he was at work tonight:
John Hattaway says: I is back
Erin Hattaway says: I is glad
Erin Hattaway says: ok
Erin Hattaway says: I have another name
Erin Hattaway says: I need you to open your mind wiiiidddeeeee
Erin Hattaway says: is it open?
John Hattaway says: it is as wide open as my mind can ever b e
John Hattaway says: be
John Hattaway says: so…
Erin Hattaway says: ok
Erin Hattaway says: for a boy
Erin Hattaway says: Puck
John Hattaway says: my mind is suddenly and irrevocably CLOSED
Erin Hattaway says: I LOVE IT
Erin Hattaway says: LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Erin Hattaway says: it
Erin Hattaway says: it’s so cute
John Hattaway says: and yet, I see a small gay boy dancing around in tights and makeup frolicking with animals and lecherous old men
Erin Hattaway says: and I DON’T CARE
John Hattaway says: but I love that you love the name
Erin Hattaway says: fine
Erin Hattaway says: I’m going to name my dog puck
Erin Hattaway says: I’m going right now
Erin Hattaway says: to that store
Erin Hattaway says: and buying that tiny dog
Erin Hattaway says: and naming him puck
John Hattaway says: okay
Erin Hattaway says: and no one will know
John Hattaway says: the dog was a girl dog
Erin Hattaway: But it’s the best name ever!
John Hattaway says: uhm
John Hattaway says: Puck is, by far, NOT the best name ever
John Hattaway says: imagine, for a moment, being at a mommy-child activity and someone saying, “Oh, what a cute little boy, what’s his name?”
John Hattaway says: and you say, “Puck.”
John Hattaway says: And then smile
John Hattaway says: and the other mommy’s look over
John Hattaway says: and then slowly pull their children away
John Hattaway says: for fear
John Hattaway says: of Oberon’s slave
John Hattaway says: If these spirits have offended
Erin Hattaway says: hahaha
John Hattaway says: think but this and all is mended
Erin Hattaway says: nooooooooo
John Hattaway says: that YOU have but slumbered here
John Hattaway says: while these visions did appear
Erin Hattaway says: sttooooppppp
