A word on an October breakup:
Me: So will you carve my pumpkin?
The bro: Yeah.
Me: Into what?
The Bro: Something cool. Like a face. Or a guy getting kicked in the crotch.
On sickness:
Me: Remember when Mom used to get mad when we had a cough that lasted all night?*
The bro: Yeah. Remember when I had chronic cough [...]
Jonathan: Did you see the paper today?
Me: The question is, since when do you see the paper today?
Jonathan: When I was at work one blew by. Sick picture.
Mom: What was the story about?
Jonathan: I don’t know, like I said…it just blew by.
Yes, this type of convo is a regular occurrence with him. Not trying to be punny.
Jonathan: So? You gone today?
Me: Yes. Ever since I’ve been drinking those activia things. I don’t even want to know what they put in there to make people go.
Jonathan: Melted down cafeteria food…..
(long pause)
Jonathan: I love [...]
The new door is in. I’m so relieved. There was definitely a moment or two today when I thought it wouldn’t be able to get done- but John had almost finished it up before I got home. Another trip to Home Depot, and it’s done. It looks good, it feels good, it makes [...]
Whilst we’re waiting for inspections on his car to finish:
As he tries to grab my William James book:
Hey! Watch it! That’s a very important book!
As important of the Book of Mormon?
Do you even READ the Book of Mormon?
Yes. Sometimes. It’s like the Dictionary. I get around to it.
My advice for how to get a girl:
Jonathan, you’ve just [...]
Upon finding an orchestra playing at what looks like the Special Olympics in Japan on chanel 28:
Jonathan: Cello. With no H. I found that out the other day. Just C-E-L-L-O. At least, that’s what spellcheck told me.
Erin: Why were you looking up the word cello?
Jonathan: To add stuff to my Facebook. I like the cello, [...]
So my brother finds out that Shanna and I are on the Special K diet. We’re in the kitchen, I’m washing dishes and he’s making some mac ‘n cheese, and he gets all worried.
“Erin, have you even pooed this week?”
“Yes Jonathan. I’m fine.”
“Well, if you stop, you need to stop that stupid diet right away [...]
I just spent so much time writing an extremely funny blog about how I made my brother drive to Lindon with me to get my car washed because I can never get my car in the carwash groove, and then how we went to Taco Bell (b/c he was hungry) and I ended up trying [...]
He crushed this can and left it hanging off his shirt. For hours.
After Jonathan’s first day at a single’s ward, and upon returning home from a picnic:
Me: “So, what did you do?”
Jonathan: “What do you think we did? The regular girl/guy, Mormon scene. We sat around. Ate food. Guys got out guitars to woo the girls. The rest of the guys wished they could play. I drank, [...]
