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Turn Left at the Tee-Kai

Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

Awhile ago Cy started using a non-sensical word for everything. “Tee-kai.”  It was during his Brother Bear phase, so I think it’s spin off of one of the character’s names “Kenai,” but still.  EVERYTHING. IS. A. TEE. KAI.

“Hey Mommy! I making a tee-kai!” (Pile of pillows on the floor.) That made us think he MEANT teepee. But then, “Hey Mommy! Look! A tee-kai!” became two grapes speared with a chop stick. Still the most mysterious, was Tee-Kai (notice the capital letters) who had “brown skin and white hair.” “He’s my friend!” Or this morning, when Cy told me, “I know how’a get to Music School! Go left at the Tee-Kai!”

It’s lasted for almost a month now, maybe more! So I’m pretty curious to see how this tee-kai business turns out!

I still owe the Internets some serious pictures of my child during his birthday celebrations.  So very sorry! Life here has been outrageously busy.

I’m not one for giving out my schedule online- but seriously people, from Saturday night through Wednesday is brutal.  Church is way crazy busy on Sunday, and then I rocket through the beginning of the week into a late night at school on Tuesday night when all my homework is due (there goes Monday night).  I’m at work in my new position M-F, and teach on Wednesday afternoon. I have to  catch up on sleep/running schedule/housework Thursday and Friday, just to fall behind on the school work… and it all starts again.  It wouldn’t be as crazy, I don’t think, if Cy were sleeping normally.  Lately, though, he’s been up a lot, crying at night, and (GASP) sleeping in our bed.  I always freak out when this happens- but then by the time I get a good “approach” in place for how to “address” the “sleeping issues,” he’s over it.  It happens every six months or so- and then it’s over.  So let’s hope he’ll settle in soon.

To be fair, the kid’s got a lot of change going on in his life!  I’m working around 30 hours a week and he started preschool (two mornings a week).  John now goes into work early, I go in later, and so sometimes I’m home for dinner sometimes not. I’m also back at school- which means I don’t get home until 10 or 11pm one night a week.

All new stuff.

But I’m holding on to the “happy.”  I know this will all work out, we just have to get our groove back, yo.

Groove.

I keep kind of “checking in” with this decision for me to be working again- but it’s kind of twofold right now.  a) I LOVE WORKING and b) we need me to work if we ever want to get a handle on those pesky (not little) students loans and you know…get on with life. And the sneaky third reason:

c) plusican’thaveababyrightnowidon’twanttotalkaboutit.

I came home from work yesterday after picking Cy up at school.  (He had a fire drill, he did great! Such a big boy.) As I turned onto my street I noticed that the town had painted new yellow lines down the center of the road.  At first I was offended- the bright, sharp yellow edges stood out too much.  Totally in my face.  Completely butting into this whole “natural color scheme” thing we had going on.  But then I realized that it’d probably help, you know, keep people on their side.

So that’s what I feel like right now, like I’ve drawn two bright yellow lines down the middle of my life.  Some stuff gets to be on this side, some stuff on that side, and right know it’s kind of awkward.  Long term, though, it’s the same road.  It just looks different.  That’s all.

Posted in Day to day, Family, Mommy Upkeep, My fabulous future, Rambles | 2 Comments »

They said the route was flat. They lied.

Saturday, August 13th, 2011

My friend Jenn and I ran a race this morning!  My first since 2004.  I had two goals- run the whole thing, and be FASTER than 12 minute miles.  And we did! We want to get down to 10 minutes a mile, which is I think where I was in college.  I’ve never been a FAST runner, but I feel better when I can run a good distance.

We’re shooting for another one soon, but I’m just proud of us.  I’m especially proud that we kept running even though the “flat” course turned out to be not flat.  At all.  We were Mommies doing something good for ourselves.  Now, although I’ve been running again for a couple of months…I have YET to lose any weight.  As a matter of fact…I’ve gained weight. (Seriously?) But I’m trying not to get discouraged, because I FEEL better.  I just feel so much better.  And it’s actually been fun.

Other change: job change (more later!), new classes starting next month, Cy starting pre-school, and the fact that he’s currently sleeping- NO DIAPER. I can’t even count how many dry diapers I’ve thrown away the last fews weeks in the morning.  So we’ll see how it goes.  All in all though, I think he’s potty trained!  But I’m going to keep the washer empty at night just in case.

And really, the running.  I’m most proud of the running.

Night everyone!

Posted in Adventures, Mommy Upkeep | 2 Comments »

So close! SO VERY CLOSE!

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

The last month has been insane.  First we were all sick, which was crappy.  And then the end of the semester hit.  BOOM.  Wait, what? I’m supposed to be done with all this work?  Huh?

I’ve had a couple late nights in a row, which is bad for my personal morale.  I was supposed to be done today, but I think I’ve got one more night ahead of me before I’m in the clear.

Meanwhile, on the Cy front…he’s potty training himself. And I’m desperately trying to get him to stop it.

Have any of you had this conversation with your child while at Target?

Cy: Mommy! Pee pee! Potty peese.

Mommy: Um, can you just pee in your diaper please? The bathrooms here are yucky.

Cy: Um…(looks in the direction of the bathroom.) NO YUCKY DIAPER! POTTY NOW!

Mommy: (Getting dirty looks from other Target patrons) Ummm…..

Or, how about this bedtime conversation:

Cy: Time for sleepies! Night night Mommy. I love you too! WAIT! WAIT!

Mommy: What buddy?

Cy: PEE PEE POTTY! NO YUCKY DIAPER!

And then he goes! And then goes back to bed! It’s amazing.

Last night when John and I were finishing up school work for the night I hear Cy calling us from his room.  ”Mommy! Peese! Pee pee potty right NOW!” It was 2 am.  He requested the “yights off, peese” and then proceeded to pee on the potty.  I didn’t quite get him situated correctly, however.  This is how I found myself kneeling on the bathroom floor covered in urine.   Somehow he managed to pee BETWEEN the toilet and the lid, and all over my leg and the floor.

When he woke up this morning his diaper was dry, and he asked, “Potty peese! Downstairs watch Cat and Hat!”

Seriously.

He’s still having some issues during the day.  He gets playing and doesn’t seem to have a problem with the “yucky diaper” while he’s riding Pop Pop’s tractor or in the swing at the park.  But I think that’s pretty typical.  I need to be better about reminding him to go before he starts doing something fun.

I think it all started last month when I decided to put the cloth diapers aside for a little bit.  With my new calling, school, piano lessons (a recital last week!) and being sick, I  just couldn’t do it for a bit.  I bought a box of diapers at Target and got addicted.  (Sorry environment.) The thing is, I don’t think that Cy likes them very much.  He seems more concerned when they get “yucky” than he did with the cloth diapers. If he keeps on with this pattern, though, I think we might switch to underwear at home during the day (I can be more attentive to the Bubbs’ potty needs as SOON AS I GET THIS FINAL PAPER DONE!!!) and pull ups out and about.  And I’m just going to have to get used to going to the bathroom in Target, apparently.

Sigh.

Seriously.  I can’t miss the potty enthusiasm train.  If I do I’m sure I’ll regret it.

And here’s some cuteness, because I know I’ve been bad at posting enough about my beautiful child lately.

and finally, I saved the best for last.  Cy and his friend “Ah-na.” Seriously.  I love it.

Posted in All About Baby, Cloth Diapers, Mommy Upkeep | No Comments »

I wish someone would have told me that being a grownup means that sometimes you have heartache even when good things are happening.

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you.  But time makes you bolder, children get older, I’m getting older, too.

So tomorrow I start school again, full time.  I will be away from my child on a regular schedule, more often than just teaching piano, which I still do, and on top of teaching a class at a school in town.  And I feel so very confused by it all.

That’s not true at all.

I’m not confused.  When I found the school and the program I’d be attending, it felt like such the right choice that I wondered why I had never seen it before.  And when I called to inquire about the possible teaching position and then got the job, it was miraculous.  And when I see my kids playing piano, even after a long summer vacation, and feel proud of them, I know that teaching piano is a good addition to my life, too.

And yet, there will be less time.

Less time to be at home full-time, which I think, in all honesty, I would love to do.

And I think, also, that if I were home full-time, forever, I would also miss out on some OTHER things that I really want to do.

I want both SO BAD. Ack.

I’m excited to be Erin again.  Although I’m still so amazed to wake up every day and be Cy’s Mommy.  (Don’t you love the first time another child calls you that? “Cy’s Mommy?  Can I share his snack, too?” or “Cy’s Mommy?  Can we come over and play again tomorrow?”)  I’ve cried every night for three days thinking about getting in the car and driving off to another part of my life, one that I don’t share with my son or anyone else.  One where people might not even know that I’m a mother.  That they might not even see me in that role that has over-rode (over-ridden?) every.other.role. I’ve had in the last two years.

But I can’t deny that I felt (STILL FEEL) so much peace when I thought through this decision early this summer.  When I prayed about it and when I applied and fought for it and when I arranged my schedule so precariously and packed this September so full that I am actually scared of what it will feel like.  And then added some more.

He’s almost two, and I guess it’s as good a time as any to get going on some more of my personal needs and goals, and work towards more stability for our little family as well.

But I’m seriously thinking about pushing bedtime back half an hour (15 minutes?) so that I won’t miss it.  Even if he does choose other people to read him stories, I kind of like the idea of being an option.  You know?

Posted in Day to day, Mommy Upkeep, My fabulous future, Rambles | 1 Comment »

HERE’SYOURONECHANCEFANCYDON’TLETMEDOOWWWNNNN

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

So. What was I up to this past weekend, you may ask? Well. Let me tell you:

REBA. BAM. (Sorry. That Bam got carried over from the Little Hotdogs post. CAN’T LET IT GO.)

I think it’s time to come out of the closet.

I love Reba. I love everything about this happy little redheaded woman, with all her songs filled with abused/neglected/recently-empowered women and also FANCY.

I started to watch her show when John worked nights in Utah. He’d get home from school, me from work? school? the details are hazy now…eat something and chillax, watch two episodes of Reba, and then he’d go to work til 11. I love Van. He cracks me up.

Hey guys, how ya doin’? Ah Reba’s green sweater.

Then, when I was pregnant and faced with a colonoscopy prep (TMI?) when I was just into my third tri-mester…and then it got called off because it was dangerous for the baby…I drowned my health-related anxiety in some sort of show honoring her career achievements. There were tons of country singers singing her songs, and it was awesome. (But I don’t like country music, ok?)

So, for our anniversary…my Mom and Dad surprised us with a night away and a date to see REBA! in concert. We stayed at a nice hotel and went to the concert on Friday night. It was amazing. I do love her, and I secretly hoped Van would show up and be funny. But he did not. But Barbara Jean did! They did a hysterical skit that had everyone rolling in the aisles (most especially a woman I nicknamed “Blondie” who was basically sitting on my feet due to the smallish nature of the arena, and who was recently divorced…or so her dramatic swaying to the “my love for you is dead” songs would indicate, and her mother, who started the night off as a perfectly respectable older woman and three beers later reminded me more of Lindsay Lohan plus forty years. It was kind of great). We were all horribly disappointed that Reba would leave the stage without singing Fancy. But she did not disappoint. After faking us out, she reappeared on stage in a red-sequined dress and sang her heart out one of the best songs EVER. Right up there next to Cher’s Gypsies & Tramps and Thieves. And Meatloaf’s Anything for Love. Which I can be found dancing to in the kitchen with my two year old any night of the week between 5 and 6pm. If you don’t believe me stop on by. Oh, and Toto’s Africa.

And for the record I love Bill Cosby, too. And I will not have a second child one second before John agrees to name it Cosby. Boy or girl.

BAM. (‘ll stop with that soon.)

Thanks Mom and Dad for watching Cy, and giving us a much-needed time out. And thanks Reba, for being freaking awesome. Because we needed that.

Posted in Family, Gifts, Mommy Upkeep | No Comments »

Rambling Update About My Life

Friday, July 16th, 2010

This week I’ve spent time in the mountains, at the beach, had a date night with my husband and a girl’s night out with some friends.  I’m not going to elaborate on the fabulousness, but let’s just say it’s been busy and new and nice! But on to the real subject(s) at hand…

So I’ve found out that when John is not in bed with me, I’m colder.  Not that we’re conoodling all the time…(I don’t know what that word means, actually) as a matter of fact I can not sleep when anyone is touching me…but even still.  Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So John is once again at his residency.  And this time it will be a residency without time outs for funerals or other personal hardships, and there will be sunshine.  So here’s hoping he can actually relax, enjoy the retreat, and learn some stuff.  And that I won’t freeze to death in his absence.

I might be getting used to being on my own a bit more.  His first residency I FREAKED OUT.  I didn’t know how to be without him, however corny that sounds.  But this time, I’m still sad…but like I told my Mom, it’s good sad.  He’s somewhere good doing good things, I’m missing him because I love him and that’s not a bad thing, and I’ve got plenty of support and a wonderful kid to keep me busy while he’s gone.

And also some good news.

I got into my program.

What program? You may ask?  Well, due to my track record with life-plans, I didn’t give anyone a real heads up about this one.  I’ve decided to start a Post-Bac program to become a certified ESL teacher, secondary ed.  Yes, I know the pay grade.  I also know that I’m a) qualified (what? something a philosophy major can do?*) b) interested and c) passionate about this subject.  Also, with my feelings about my son and my role in his life, teaching seems the way to go.  It will allow me time with him, which I value pretty much above all else.  Means I might actually be able to have MORE children one day.  Ya think?  I’m not saying that there aren’t other jobs that will allow the same, but this one’s the one for me.  I’m pretty sure.

That said, if I don’t get financial aid, the dream gets to wait.  But I’m crossing my fingers and enjoying the getting in. (Also, the rest of my application needs to get there, they’re still waiting on a few things to make sure I’m not a crazy, letters of recommendation and stuff…but other than that I’m all good.)

Also, I also got the update that I am cleared to teach at a local private post-secondary ed school.  Adjunct, of course, but it could be a job! And I could get teaching experience! And it would be just awesome.  I’m ready to be put on the payroll, it’s just a matter of a class for me to teach.  Again, crossing my fingers that they’re not rolling in more experienced teachers in September.  They’ve indicated that there should be space for me, so yes.  September could be REALLY REALLY busy.  Or it could be a total letdown. Either way, I’m happy and hopeful right now.

And my son? My amazing Camper that I’ve stayed home for two years while practicing my own personal form of attachment parenting?  He gets a new “nanny,” AKA my Mom, who seems just as excited as I do about the impending change.  I think he’ll wear her out, (and hopefully vice versa) but I’m just peaceful inside thinking that I’ll be able to get back on track with work/school, and know that my Mom will love on my kid just as much as I will.  She’s already talking about a weekly schedule :) And it’s not like I’ll never be home.  It’ll just be a new…balancing act.

So yes, that is the update.  And now I shall go to bed.

*Anyone else catch the philosophy major dig in Eclipse? Yeah.

Posted in Dreams, Family, John, Mommy Upkeep | 3 Comments »

Yes. This is about birth control but other things, too.

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

So.

I think things are finally settling down, a bit.

The last couple weeks have been a blur of playdates, book clubs, doctor’s appointments (for Camper and me), jury duty (I know, suck) and whatnot.

So let’s go back, shall we?

So yes.  In the spirit of full disclosure (I mean, I wrote about getting it) I totally got Mirena pulled a couple weeks ago.  I think it was making me crazy-o.  I read this post along with about a hundred others that identified some symptoms I’d been experiencing.  Of all the things I mentioned to the doctor, only two were “enough of a medical reason” to yank the thing, except for the fact that I’m starting to get freaked about not having periods anymore.  She said that ANY reason to want it out was enough.  So now we’re doing the whole “wait for the periods to come back and then figure out another plan” plan.  Which will include birth control.  (I guess my choices now are The Copper IUD, Yaz (cause it didn’t make me crazy) or an assortment of “barrier methods.” Dear God. Help us.)  Because I cannot get pregnant on the meds that I am on for my Colitis. The doctor actually said, “You have to be so careful.  This isn’t a situation in which you aren’t planning a baby and if you got pregnant it’ll be a happy surprise.  It could be very, very bad.”

Welcome to my colon, people.  Stupid colon.

In the meantime, I am feeling more emotionally sound.  I don’t think I’ve cried since I got it pulled- which now that I think about it- is pretty wow.  Today is John’s day off, lately AKA Erin’s day to freakityfreak out and cry about life and I haven’t felt that pressure building up yet.

It could be that I’ve gotten outside in some sunshine, that I had a wonderful two-day vacation from diapers and making chicken nuggets, that my husband did the dishes while I took a SUPER long shower…or any number of other things.  Or it could be that I no longer have a TEENY bit of hormones floating around my uterus in the form of a white plastic anchor.

Yeah.

SO.  WITH THAT SAID, this past weekend I left my husband and child and went to VA for my friend Emily’s wedding shower.  I’ve been to a LOT of wedding showers, and I’ve never felt so included and excited and had so much fun before.  E’s family put it together, and the food was good, the company was good, the games were imaginative and fun…the theme was “Herb Garden.”  Which was nice a springy, and each bridesmaid (or member of the wedding party…) had an herb leaf on her name tag.  I felt special just to be part of it, and Emily got tons of awesome swag.  And that plus a number of hours spent talking with her, just one on one, which is something we never get to do, was just so nice.  I told John when I got home that it was so good to sit and talk with an old friend for hours and realize that although a lot of our relationship might be reminiscing, our friendship now is based on who we are now, what we’re doing now and includes the people we love, now.  In short: it was so good.  And I can’t wait for the wedding.

I came home to my baby, who I am very glad to be bringing to the wedding next month (no more leaving him behind!) and to JURY DUTY.  Ta da.  So, I really wonder what they expect SAHM’s to do about their KIDS during Jury Duty.  I know they give ME and excuse for if I work, and will pay ME for days I miss from my WORK, but what if I don’t work and I then have to extend that to my husband?  Does my excuse card work for him?  Or…what?  In the end we just sat there for a couple hours and then went home, and I did have both my mom and John to chill with Camper…but what if?  Yeah.  I want to know, too.

So now life goes on.  Back to normalcy.  Whatever that is.

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Posted in Adventures in Colitis, Friends, Mommy Upkeep | 6 Comments »

Letter of Intent

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Dear College of My Consideration:

You asked me to write a letter of intent.  This is something I’ve done a few times since getting my BA, but not something I’ve really ever felt like I’ve done well enough.  I wrote letters for the last few programs I thought I’d enjoy, and even my lackluster enthusiasm got me past the gatekeepers and to a point where I had to decide that a) communications and b) full time on campus programs were not going to work.  I don’t want this letter to be like that, because for the first time, I feel REAL enthusiasm.  The makings of a definite plan, even.

If you would have asked me what letters like this sounded like when I was first applying for school I wouldn’t have an answer. I honestly don’t know.  I thought I wanted to be an English teacher.  When I got to school and started taking classes I went from an English major to International Studies to Philosophy, where I found my niche.  Kind of.  I was on the periphery of all the programs, never quite taking the same classes as everyone else.  Never thinking of my education as part of some long-term goal that I had set up before I started.  That evolved later, after I had gone to England and come home again.  That’s when I realized that if I was going to teach the things I had been learning it would have to be in college.  I wouldn’t be able to certify to teach high school as philosophy or religion major.  But it still didn’t feel quite right.  I had done well in school, really well.  But I still wasn’t sure what my INTENTS were.  I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I decided on grad school and just tried to get my BA finished.  I did finish it, but I also got married and had a son in the meantime.

I always remember people saying, “You can be whatever you want to be.”  And that’s true, for a certain amount of time in your life.  There is a time that  you can achieve whatever you want to because all you have to focus on is you.  You are your only consideration, you are your only liability.  You can do whatever you focus on, you can become whatever you are willing to work hard enough to be.  But then there comes a time in life when other people begin to depend on you.  You get married, you have a child.  And then it’s less about what you WANT to be and more about what you HAVE to be.  It requires some sacrifice.  But then, all good things do, I think.

I have to be a good wife and mother, and to me, that includes staying at home with my kiddo where possible.

I have to be productive.

I have to be thinking.

I have to be ready to earn a living wage, although my husband is willing to support my fervent desire to stay at home with our children, I have to be ready to help should we need it.

I have to have something to do when kindergarten starts or God forbid…when I have a teenager who needs me to have my own life so that I don’t haunt his.

I have to have people to focus on and help other than myself and my family.

I have to have a place to go where people expect something of me that I don’t always want to give.

I have to work, for sanity and for…er…our bank account.

This program would allow me to stay at home with my son while earning a master’s degree from a real University, one I respect and admire and wish I could wake up every day and go to.  It would help me prepare for and take exams that would place me in  a good position to teach History (after a few pre-reqs are satisfied, of course.  Thank goodness for my undergraduate meanderings. I have tons of History credits.)  To have all of those things I mentioned above.  I know that I can do this, and that I will become a teacher.  I may never make a million dollars, but my family and I will be ok.  I will be able to take some of the burden off my husband someday.  I will contribute.

So yes.  These are my new and decided-upon intentions.

Now to make this into a more comprehensible and professional letter.

Sincerely,

Erin Hattaway

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Posted in Mommy Upkeep | 1 Comment »

Resolution 2010 Style (Late.)(Because I feel like this year came late, anyway.)

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

It seems a little sad to me that New Year’s Resolutions have fallen out of fashion.  I can’t go to a blog without seeing, “I’m just not into resolutions,” or “I’m not making any resolutions this year.” I guess it’s because resolutions made because “everyone is doing it” don’t stick.  And things we decide to do while stuffing our face with all kinds of food and sitting around watching Christmas movies in our PJ’s rarely stick, either.  It just seems like “I’m not into making resolutions” has become the new, “I’m scared of clowns.”  (You know what I’m saying?)

All THAT said, I totally FORGOT to make resolutions this year.  It been a tough holiday season for us, and with everything going on I didn’t have time to clean the house, work out, write meaningful things in a journal, take extra pictures, etc.  There is part of me that thinks that if I’m not off and running by January 1st, maybe I shouldn’t even bother.  But I really don’t want to be all defeatist about it.  And I personally love when big chunks of the world come together at the same time to do things, if only out of tradition.  I like knowing that people are baking pies and watching football at Thanksgiving, hunting for eggs at Easter, and yes…setting goals for a brand new better them in January.  So I’d be remiss, I think, if I didn’t join in.

Goal Number One:

I will read more.  I’ve actually been doing pretty good on this one lately, even though I think I’ve decided that what I like to read probably falls more in line with junk food than a hearty meal.  That said, I’ve bookmarked The Book of Mormon on my toolbar so maybe I’ll read through it more often.  I just bookmark where I left off, and pick up there the next day.  I’ve never tried studying scripture online before, so we’ll see how it goes.  (FYI for those who don’t know, full versions of all the LDS standard works are available online.  I wonder how long it’d take me to go through the Bible?) So far I’ve read 3 out of the last 5 days.  That’s better than nothing!

Goal Number Two:

I will take care of myself.  Better sleep, better (and more consistent) grooming habits.  I used to be ALL ABOUT The grooming.  I even had a small eyebrow waxing station set up in my room in college.  I actually had time enough to DO OTHER PEOPLE’S EYEBROWS.  I got some nice makeup for Christmas (some blush and eye shadow) so I think I should put that on more regularly, too.  I might be a Mom, but I’m still a girl, darnnit.

Goal Number Three:

Hello friends! I THINK last year I made the goal to be in better contact with my friends.  And while I still suck at it, I’m doing better.  A combination of phone calls (not to announce weddings, births, etc., just because) and even some (sparse) visits for dear friends far away.  I”ve also met a couple of people around here that I have realized I really like being around and talking to.  I want to make time for these people, see how I can be there for them.  DO THINGS like…OUT OF THE HOUSE with them.  I know, crazy?  I just need to be more open to socializing.

and finally…Goal Number Four:

DA DA Duummmmmmmm.  I will lose weight.  I can’t even call it baby weight, since I lost that by last April but just GAINED IT BACK.  JUST FOR FUN.  I need to feel better and healthier and I sure as HADES am not adding 30 lbs. on top of THIS when I decide to get pregnant next time.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  And while the Shred didn’t work out so well (kills my knees, and I don’t have bad knees!) I think we’re going to start doing some other stuff at home.  If anyone would like to tell me about their FAVORITE piece of at home work out equipment or DVD, I’d love to know.  We bought an elliptical a couple years ago, but it turns out that you either get one for $800,000 or it doesn’t work out so well.  Something about it being able to fold up made it kind of rickety I guess.  We’re selling it.  (And I really want to know, are you people actually losing weight and getting fit using a Wii, or is the lazyman’s workout.  Or worse, the already-skinny-person’s workout?)

So that’s it.  Books, grooming, friends, and working out.  There are other more sweeping goals I’m working through, things having to do with school and jobs, etc., but since these seem to be the things I can actually control…these are the goals I will make for myself.

Because I like resolutions.

Posted in Friends, Holiday!, Mommy Upkeep, health | 3 Comments »

Happy, Almost. Ok, not quite yet but working on it.

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Ok people.  I’ve spent today doing things ON PURPOSE.  Even after a night of not sleeping, I got myself up (took a nap later courtesy of my father watching my son for a bit), cleaned up my room, stripped the diapers, scrubbed the bathroom, and played with my son.  I also cuddled someone else’s dog for awhile- which was kind of nice. (They were gone all day and their dog needed some attention.  I wish I had room in my life for a dog of my own right now.)

But the POINT of all of this is: I’m still a little surly.  (See image below.)

Christmas 062(And yes, that’s my current waistline.)

I’m even, I daresay, feeling a little hopeless, wondering how long my family will struggle through with these specific hardships.  (I say specific, because I’ve come to the realization that we will ALWAYS have hardships…but I’m tiring of these ones.  Did I even dare say that?) But I’ve decided to just get through it.

Things I’m focusing on this week:

-Everyone out there who is saying to themselves:”What does she have to whine about?  The people she loves most are pretty happy, healthy, and mostly right around her.  She has such a cute kid, even though I’ve never seen his face.  She’s got to get it TOGETHER!” I agree with you.  Top of my to-do list.

-Last night I had a piano recital, hosted at one of my student’s houses, for all of my “under 18″ set.  It was great, and I felt so proud of them.  Moreover, I realized that I’m doing something kind of cool with these kids.  It’s a good thing.

-I miss my husband so much, which means I love him, but I’m also still functioning while he’s gone at his 10 day residency.  Which means three things.  a) I’m more capable than last time around b) I have amazing family to help me and c) my kid is older.

-Christmas will come again next year, so I’ll have another chance at Merriness.  Without the bitterness.  Even though there was at least ONE thing I didn’t feel bitter about this year.  Check out his super cuteness.

Christmas 008

Christmas 026

-No one likes a grouch.  Or a pessimist.  But TECHNICALLY, I think pessimism usually focuses on what you think about the future. So the fact that I think that 2009 was a crapshoot (or would that be, crapchute, crapshoute? what the crap?  How do you spell chute? Chutes and Ladders…Ack.  Whatever.) isn’t pessimism.  Just an assessment, really.  I can still have optimism about 2010. (When I wrote that, I accidentally wrote 2019. Please don’t let good things (aka financial security) take that long.)

-Even if there are some people who are all, “I don’t want to read about your problems, if you write a day to day rundown of your life I’m bored!  Don’t people know how to get over crap?  You think about stuff too much.” Others are more, “I want to hear what’s going on with you!”  And those first people don’t have to read this.  And to those second people, thank you.  Thank you very much.

-I’m not one of those people who does things unapologeticically.  I thought I wanted to be one.  You know, I do whatever I want and say DEAL WITH IT, EVERYONE ELSE!  But that’s not me.  I think about people, I want to make people happy.  Even people that…errr…aren’t that important to me.  But you know what?  That’s cool.  I’ve decided that that quality can stay.  But I also want to combine what I can “thoughtfulness” with a new kind of boldness.  I want to be able to say…to the kid who tackled MY KID (or at least his mother) “Say you’re sorry.  Right now.”  I want to still consider the people around me, but also just make the decisions that are best for me and my family without caring what judgment ensues.

So there ya are.  Some things that have been crossing my mind that are making me feel all firey and like I’m actually going to do something.  Or have something to say this evening.

And here, by the way, is my favorite Christmas card this year.  When I got it I thought to myself, “Now here’s a card just for me.”  And it lifted my spirits.  (That’s her husband’s ear in the picture, by the way.  She’s in it as well, you just can’t see her.)  The funny thing?  I met her through this blog!  Or I found hers through someone else’s…or something.  How did we meet, anyway?  But the point is, we’ve NEVER MET IN PERSON.  Blogging is a waste of my time?  I think NOT.  I have quite a lot of people that I’ve gathered strength from, in blog format.  So keep going ladies.  I read you.

Anyway, the card:

Christmas 067

HAPPY 2010, people.  Happy.

Posted in Friends, Holiday!, Mommy Upkeep | 2 Comments »

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