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Empty and Full

Sunday, April 24th, 2011

Happy Easter everyone!

We started today out with a little bit of bunny joy.  Cy woke up and remembered that the Bunny! Hide eggs! Big present!

We went a little low-key(ish) this year, a couple of trains, some new track.  A new soft blankie. My parents got him some Toy Story toys and some new shirts.  He was thrilled.  And the egg hunt began!

Owing to the wet nature of New England mornings, the bunny conveniently hid the eggs in our living room!

Cy dyed these eggs all on his own, minimal help from Mommy and Pop Pop.

And then, of course, there was the building of track.

Church today was very nice indeed.  Cy was a little hesitant to go to nursery, though, so my Mom went with him so that I could be in Relief Society.  When we got home, I looked at what his teacher sent home with him.  A dozen plastic eggs, filled with reminders of Jesus, his Atonement, and the Resurrection.

As I looked through what the eggs contained, I lost my breath a bit.  I pictured my little boy, his tiny fingers handling the tiny thorns. He stood beside me on the chair in the kitchen while I took pictures of a few of them and provided commentary.

“Jesus owies” he told me.

“Bad monies!” he said.

My heart sank, and I remembered the Primary song, “How could the Father tell the world, of sacrifice, of death?” How can I explain this to my son who only loves and wants to be happy and has yet to sin?

“He sent His son to die for us…”

“And rise with living breath!”  to this Cy said, “En-ty! En-ty one!” And with that, my soul was full.

The answer is in the ending.  The end of the story, which really isn’t an end at all, helps me find peace in explaining to my son what happened to the Savior of the world, who was born a child, like Cy, and grew to save us all.

My favorite Easter story…

John 20

1The afirst day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet bdark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the cstone taken away from the sepulchre.d

2Then she runneth, and cometh to Simon Peter, and to the otheradisciple, whom Jesus loved, and saith unto them, They have taken away the bLord out of the sepulchre, and we know not where they have laid him.

3Peter therefore went forth, and that other disciple, and came to the sepulchre.

4So they ran both together: and the other disciple did outrun Peter, and came first to the sepulchre.

5And he stooping down, and looking in, saw the linen clothes lying; yet went he not in.

6Then cometh Simon Peter following him, and went into the sepulchre, and seeth the linen clothes lie,

7And the anapkin, that was about his head, not lying with the linen clothes, but wrapped together in a place by itself.

8Then went in also that other disciple, which came first to the sepulchre, and he saw, and believed.

9For as yet they knew not the scripture, that he must arise again from the bdead.

10Then the disciples went away again unto their own home.

11¶But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,

12And seeth two aangels in white sitting, the one at the head, and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.

13And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.

14And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.

15Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

16Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, aMaster.

17Jesus saith unto her, aTouch me not; for I am not yetbascended to my cFather: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my dFather, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

So, I’ve Been Waiting To Write This Post.

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

The title was supposed to be, “I’ve had a lot of churchy opportunities lately.” (Remember!? Nacho Libre?)

And it was going to be all about how I just got called to be the Relief Society President! Hurrah for the excitement!

Ok, so sidebar.  What is Relief Society?

I just went to look for a page explaining what RS is..and I saw things like, “Minister to each woman,” and “Teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ.” When I try to explain what I’m doing to other people not familiar with my faith, I find that it’s not too tough to understand the basic outline of the duties.  My job is to organize the women in my congregation to 1) strengthen their faith 2) strengthen their families 3) and help.  And by help I mean help.  Help the families in this area gain access to resources they need (food, housing, emergency shelter ), to offer support when new babies come or someone dies or if they are simply suffering for some other reason. The list can go on and on, as I’m learning. I’m lucky in that I don’t have to do it on my own, our church has a great organization in which we have presidents and counselors and secretaries and councils and all to try to accomplish those goals I listed above for all of us, and our friends, and our neighbors, and anyone else, really.  People who are members of my church, people in the community that just need help, we try not to discriminate.

Sidebar over.

When I received the calling (a spiritual job offer, really, no monetary compensation) I was PSYCHED.  I felt like my counselors and I would rock this assignment, that we’d be an unstoppable force and my head was bursting with so many ideas I could barely contain them.  Since actually taking the responsibility on me, however, I feel…overwhelmed.  Am I still excited? Yes.  And I still sure that this is what Heavenly Father would have me do right now? How I am supposed to serve? Yes.  Do I feel ridiculously underaged, underexperienced, and perhaps undersocilized to handle it?  Ohhhh yyyeaaaahhhh.

As I go to sleep at night I picture the women’s faces, think of their children and their families or of their aloneness and wonder what I need to do to help.  If I can muster the energy necessary to do all that it will take.  I think I’m praying earnestly again for the first time in awhile about something other than jobs and money and myself. And it feels like healing.  Hurts and feels good all at the same time.

I didn’t expect to be scared, but I am.  I guess that’s good though, because it means I realize that I’m in over my head and can only do this if I rely on my counselors, my family, and my Savior.  Probably that last one most of all.

I’ve been looking up different versions of this painting lately.  I’m getting a little obsessed.

This is the traditional LDS version of the painting of Mary and Martha.  Do you remember the story? Brief outline, Jesus is visiting, Mary sits and listens, Martha tries to make everything perfect and keeps herself busy doing all the things women do when we are given responsibility.  Planning, organizing, fixing…
I’ve always been a bit perturbed by the Martha in this painting, though…because she looks WAY to happy to be stirring stuff.  And both of the womens’ faces remind me of Sandra Dee in Grease when she’s floating the piece of perfumed paper around that kiddy pool in Frenchie’s backyard.  So I went looking for another one.
This version has a manly interloper with a turkey leg.  Who can’t relate to that? I also like how the Martha is looking at him like, “Seriously? Jesus is here and you’re standing there eating a turkey let?”  Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Hahahahahaha.
I liked this one, too. I was intrigued by the difference in their dresses and where the light falls in the painting.
This Martha is a multi-tasker.  A lot like the first, less Sandra Dee.
And then finally, my favorite.
I can almost hear him say, “Leave that.  Come and listen.” I’m going to keep this picture because I think his hand on her shoulder says something to my heart that I need to hear.
Definitely my favorite of the lot.  Anyone else have a favorite Mary/Martha painting?  Did I get the story wrong?
It’s late and I’m supposed to be doing homework.  So I didn’t fact check.

My favorite. So far.

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

I’ve been listening to General Conference broadcast from my church while driving back and forth to school. So far this is my favorite talk.

I felt that I needed reminding of all these things.  Good one, for sure. Just as a note, this one is from the Priesthood session of conference.  (There are 4 sessions for everyone, 1 specifically for the Relief Society, the organization for women, and 1 for the members of the Old Men and Young Men’s organizations. 6 in all. Just so happened that my favorite was in the session meant for members of the Priesthood.)

Understandings

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

I love posts like this, that provide me a new insight into another faith, especially a faith that I already admire so much. I love how insights into other people’s religions so often make me think about my own, and how I can deepen my faith while also deepening my connection with people all over the world.

Thanks Itto’s Living Faith.

To Be Invited

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Oh life.  To be honest, I have a really good life.  But sometimes I think reading other people’s blogs and catching up with people on Facebook gets me down.  Maybe if the things I left behind would just stay behind, I could be happier right now.  Maybe without all the pictures and records I could have just faint memories to make me happy, and then of course the people who are still in my life to share things with now.  Things that we share NOW.

But no.  This weekend will be the Scranton reunion.  Class of ’05.  Interestingly enough, although I started out at Scranton in ’01, I didn’t graduate in ’05, and I didn’t graduate from Scranton.  I graduated in ’08 from BYU, a world away.  My junior year in college brought a lot of changes.  I hadn’t concerned myself with who I was for about three years.  I basically immersed myself in a new group of people, a new culture, a new place- with good and bad results.  About three years into it I was happy with what I had become.  I found friends that I love with my whole heart to this day.  I learned how to be a good friend to them. (Still learning.)  I figured a lot of stuff out about education and the direction I wanted my life to go, and I wasted a lot of time doing nothing.  Being 18, 19, 20, 21.  It was glorious.  But then I realized that with this new self that had developed, someone more confident and happy and more educated- that I needed to add back in some of the things that made me who I was before.  And that meant God.  Now Scranton was a Jesuit University, which meant that we talked about God a LOT.  Theology was part of the curriculum.  There were statues of Saints on the campus and every afternoon the bells on one of the dormitories rang out in hymns. (3pm?) And I will always, always love the Catholic faith.  I don’t know if it is nostalgia or appreciation or just the truth and friends I found there, but I love it.  And I always will.  But during that time I had forgotten what it meant to be a Latter Day Saint.  I had gotten really relaxed about my specific religion, and I thought that I needed to figure out whether I believed it for myself once and for all.  Long story short, I figured out that I did.  I really, really did believe in the LDS faith, and when I figured that out I realized that I needed to do something about it.

So I went on a mission.

I remember a lot of my friends and professors asking me, “Why now? Why not wait a year and graduate and go then?” And I had no answer except “God can see my life from beginning to end.  If he thinks it should be now, who am I to question?” And I knew that I was supposed to go.  And it ripped my heart out.  And with every graduation picture I see, or reunion that I don’t get an invite to (people who take a leave-of-absence and never come back aren’t on the list) it STILL hurts.  But even now when I ask myself that question, “Why now?” I see faces in my mind.  People in England, where I went, families that were hurting that the Gospel put back together.  Maybe any missionary could have done it, maybe anyone with our message could have offered those people what they were looking for.  But I was there.  I did it.  And I’m amazingly grateful for those pictures in my mind, the faces of people who taught me what Christian service was.

And then BYU.  I finished my degree, planted my shallow roots in an area just long enough to find John.  Possibly the only person in this entire world to be as loving and as patient and as perfect for me as I need him to be.  And then there was my Camper.  Our baby that we were going to wait until we were financially ready for, our child that we were going to wait to have, which we didn’t…end up waiting for…And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  And we struggle.  Every day we struggle to provide for ourselves, to use what little time and energy we have to build a life for our little family, and we love each other.  And we get to live with my parents, who are devoted, life-long parents.  People who relish the nearness of their grandson and their children.  And through all of this I’ve learned what family means, and how amazing it is to have people to count on.  People who make life better, who bear each other’s burdens.

And even still, this weekend, that life I gave up beckons me.  It calls and makes me wish I could have had BOTH lives.  The one I have now filled with people, and the one I left behind with graduation hats and tassels and me finishing a PhD right now and becoming the academic I always wanted to be.  But I can’t have both, and I’m glad that out of the two, I have the one filled with love and people with arms to hug me a little hand reaching out to me to help him go down a slide.  I just wish, I guess, that I got an invitation.  That I could go and show my friends from then who I am now, introduce them to John and Camper and catch up.  I wish that in giving up that last year that I could still belong to that group of people.  That would be nice.  Even though I would be welcomed, if I could afford to go, people would want to see me again.  Still, it would be nice to get an invitation.

While I was on mission a woman gave a talk and asked us to think of sacrifice less as sacrifice, as more as consecration.  We weren’t giving things up for the Lord, we were giving things TO him.  And we were asked, that day as well, “Do you really think that what you’re giving up in any way compares to what He has to give you?” So I cling to that.  To think that I’m already so blessed, and that what I gave up will seem small.  This heartache I feel is nothing compared to what I’ve been spared NOT following the way that I know I should go.  It’s the hardest part about not being two travelers.  Not even one and a half.  Just me, and I am where I am.  And it’s a good place to be.

“We Have a Compass”

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

So hey!  Time for a religious post!  Yay!

I spent all of today watching General Conference.  For those of you who may not know- I’m Mormon- and Conference is a semi-annual chance to hear from our leaders.  Men and women who hold different responsibilities in the worldwide church (as opposed to our leaders at the local level) prepare and give talks, and do it to an audience of about 100,000…or wait…MILLIONS of people thanks the the internet and satellite.  The talks are given for the benefit of members of the church and nonmembers alike.  The Conference is actually held over two days- but I thought it’d be easier for me to devote one whole day to it rather than two (you know…what with the baby and all) and managed to watch it pretty much nonstop today in our living room (over the internet…with the laptop hooked up to the TV).  Camper was good- ate and played and generally put up with being stuck in the house on a day when we’re usually at church- giving him ample opportunity to flirt with girls.

I usually look for something specific in Conference- one talk or one quote that will remind me why I do what I do.  Why I give up what I give up, why my faith is so important to me.  I don’t think I would have made it through the past year with all it’s heartbreak and WAITING and general harder-than-the-rest-of-my-life-so-far-edness without knowing that God loves me.  That He loves my family.  And that His timelines aren’t necessarily my timelines.  I’ve been able to wait and have patience (sometimes) and trust because of the way I FEEL His love for me.  That love is just as palpable to me as my husband’s love, or my parent’s love, or my brother or my son’s love.  I don’t think that everyone can say that, I know it hasn’t always been that way for me.  But to honestly feel like He knows what I’m going through and He is paying attention to my life, and it just helps.

What I loved about Conference today was one talk by Elder Uchtdorf (click to listen) that encouraged us to embrace what should be the defining characteristic of any Latter Day Saint- or any Christian- for that matter.  “How do we become true disciples of Jesus Christ?”  Obedience to the commandments, specifically:

Matthew 22:36-39

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great acommandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt alove thy neighbour as thyself.
Elder Uchtdorf said:
“Because Love is the Great commandment it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our church callings, and in our livelihood.”
Apparently, the Greatest Happiness we can have as people is to lose ourselves in the service of others.  I’m not always so good at this.  I can be muy selfish, a lot of the time.  But this past week I I’ve really, really tried to serve my family.  I’ve tried to attend to some of their needs, and do so without grumbling (which I did ALMOST all the way, I grumble sometimes) and to do it with love.  I’ve done it through the only tools available to me these days: food, listening, encouragement, attention, support, food…some more listening.  I didn’t do anything revolutionary or different, I just tried to do things in a different spirit…maybe.  I know I need to extend this to people outside of my family- but it’s a good start.  But what I liked about this message is that the Thing that defines us as a Faith Community isn’t a collection of doctrine or the manner in which we worship.  It is the way in which we try to be like Christ.  When we try to Love like He does.  To serve like He does.  As CORNY as that can sound, even to me, sometimes.  When we emulate Him we are working towards happiness and security and peace of mind.  and HEY, CHECK IT OUT…it’s the THREE THINGS I REALLY REALLY WANT!  Happiness….security…peace of mind…It’s that simple.  We will become the best versions of ourselves when we try to emulate His characteristics and teachings.
Elder Uchtdorf said:
“Since the beginning of time love has been the source of both the highest bliss and the heaviest burdens. At the heart of misery from the days of Adam until today you will find the love of wrong things and at the heart of joy you will find the love of good things.”
I love that.  Unhappiness comes from loving the wrong things.  From resentment and anger and unhealthy desires for more than we have.   Happiness comes from loving good things.  Our families and our roles and from wanting more than what we have, in a healthy way.  In the way that makes up get up in the morning and work hard and try to be better.
I like this because this is something I can focus on.  This isn’t above me.  It isn’t too hard to remember or to complex to implement in my life.  All I have to do is figure out ways to show love to people around me and to love good things.  All good things.  To love God, not because He needs me to, but because to get out of my HEAD and to realize how loved I AM, I need to love him.

And finally:

“Divine Love is the factor that transforms reluctant compliance with God’s commandments into blessed dedication and consecration.”

If you’re wondering how to become that kind of person,  the kind that gives and serves and believes as if it is just a part of her, a person who lifts and inspires other people and who can weather a crisis with enduring faith and perspective, it’s through love.  God’s love can transform us from people just doing what we do because we feel like we should do it to people who do what we do because it is a part of us.  And we GET that love by serving the people around us.  By trying to show them love until we feel it, or trying to show them love that we already feel.  That’s my goal.  And I’m probably going to be working on it for awhile.

Hope, Faith and Charlie.

Monday, September 28th, 2009

When I wanted to get pregnant I had no idea, not even a small one, of the fear that would come along with having a child.  I’m not talking about giving him his first bath or answering his questions as he gets older…but rather the fear that one day I might have to hear him crying in hunger and not be able to give him anything to eat.  Or the fear that he might be sick, for a long time, and that I won’t be able to make him better. Or the fear that something unimaginable and terrible would happen to him.

I think the fear is made worse by TV.  Not gonna lie.   I watched about 5 minutes of that new show Flash Forward and started to twitch.  I can’t watch those disaster movies.  The idea that there are children, alone and afraid and scared and uncared for makes me itchy.  I recently read The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, and although I loved the books….they were almost to far over to that side.  The side where as bleak as things are in the world, you realize that they could be bleaker.

Not something I want to focus on lately.

About a month ago I started reading a book called Hope, Faith and Charlie by Deirdre Carey.  It’s taken me frick forever because as you can see from my last post…I think all I’m really reading lately is Baby Giggles…But it’s the story of Deirdre’s son and their family’s fight with cancer.  I expected to have to put the book aside- another example of how a happy world can tumble and fall and something that would remind me how fragile my son is, how everything could change.  But I didn’t have to.  I read the whole thing and instead of feeding my crazy fears of everything that could go wrong…it made me feel stronger.  People are good.  We beat things.  We are stronger than we think we are, and most of all, our kids are stronger than we think they are.

HFC_splash2_L2

In the book Deirdre says that while she was pregnant she prayed for healthy children- as it was something out of her control- she left it up to God and trusted that he would provide.  Well, he didn’t.  At least not in that way. Charlie was sick, but also had the strength and the will to fight and beat a disease.   I have a tendency to want what I want in the way that I want it.  But I guess sometimes we have to just let go and trust that maybe the tools we’ve been given to take care our current situation aren’t what we expect them to be, but they are just as good.  Whether it be health, or strength to get healthy…money…or a will to work and make do.  You can see where I’m going with this.

I guess I just need to get over it.  Stop living my life in some hazy fear cloud that someday something might change for the worst and I might lose what I have or have to watch my child suffer.  I just need to enjoy my son, enjoy my family and work towards better things.  If I have to endure something horrible, well…that’s what I’ll do.  But why drive myself  crazy waiting for it?  I am so blessed.  And honestly, no matter what happens, that never has to change.  It’s just perspective I guess.

Religious question, specifically LDS.

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Something I rarely do…write about religion on this here blog.  I’m not sure why, but I don’t do it all that often.  But here goes.

So I was reading, again, about spiritual gifts in the Doctrine and Covenants.  This time, though, I read two verses I had never read before.  D&C 46: 15-16.  If you are LDS, you probably know where to find it.  If you are not, and care to read and comment, here’s the link to the chapter (scroll to verses 15-16, or read the chapter for context), and here’s one to what the Doctrine and Covenants is.

I guess I’ve heard about the gift of tongues and miracles and prophesy…but I’m not sure about 15-16.  Any ideas what “knowing the differences of administration” and “the diveristies of operations” could be?  I have an idea from readng the verses a million times, and I think it’s kind of interesting…but I’m interested in what you think.

The Day I Took a Pregnancy Test at Big Y

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

So it’s no secret that John and I have a child. One son. I have a son. (I heart saying this, so sorry for the repetition.) I pretty much dig him, enough that I stay home and stare at him all day long. Ok, so maybe I play with him and read to him and watch Noggin with him and feed him and go on walks with him and change him and cuddle him and try to teach him to be a decent human being. Anyways…he is so amazing and time-consuming that I am currently postponing (not indefinitely) my masters degree and an amazing career to be his stay at home mom.  It’s a pretty good job.

Good enough that John and I recently started talking about when to have another baby.

When I got married I said, “We’ll wait a year to have a baby.”  We have now been married for almost two years (in September) and have a 9 month old baby.  For our little family, having a baby is a decision between the two of us and God.  We take that pretty seriously.  Although we went through all the practical considerations of  “Are we ready? Can we afford this?  Can we handle it?” none of that mattered, because we just felt deep down inside that pregnancy prevention was not for us.  So I was 8 months pregnant on our first anniversary.

Cut to now, when I once again start to wonder, “Is it time?”  We’re living with my Mom and Dad, doing the husband working/in grad school thing, not really all that established in any way shape or form.  If I had another baby, it could definitely delay the grad school thing for me even more, but at the same time I’d be DONE with babyness in a couple of years and not have to interrupt school again for quite some time…either until we decided that 2 was not enough or decided to adopt.

Then there is my health, still precarious.  I’m even experiencing a bit of a flair-up this week, almost as if my body is telling me, “Remember how sick pregnancy made you???”  And the fact that even on the best of days, my son tires me out completely.  Totally.

Then there is the dread.   The dread of no sleep at all, trying to decide between whose diaper need changed the worst, who needs to be held more when they’re both crying, who has to get up in the middle of the night to do whatever needs to be done for one and then the other.  It’s pretty overwhelming.  I’ve read a MILLION things these past few weeks about how to choose the space between siblings.  I’ve thought about the siblings I know and how they interact with each other, their parents, and the world.  Some say space is great, you have two babies that you get to cuddle and love.  Others say have them all in quick succession, if you can handle the “intensity” there’s a great payoff at the end.

I’ve obsessed, to say the least, over whether or not it’s time to have another baby.

And you know what?  Again, none of that matters.  The scholarly articles about the psychology of children in different age brackets or the puff piece in Parenting magazine explaining what it’s like to nurse while going to the bathroom AND saving your 2 year old from drowning in the bathtub…the scouring of blogs of Moms with kids 3 or more years apart wondering if they’ll be close friends or if my academic life would survive such a long stint in Mommy-hood.  Wondering if it’s best to have another baby now, with family so close by in case I’m sick again, or even well and just SO TIRED.  Because I love having my wonderful supportive parents nearby.  Because they are a good Lala and Poppop.

Even with all that said, we’ve made no decisions about anything.  I’m coming to realize that we’ll just know when it’s time.  Just like we knew with Camper.  When we found out we were pregnant (a surprise, that’s for sure) we knew that it was the right time for us, that everything would be just fine.  When we decided to stop birth control we didn’t know if I’d get pregnant the next day or the next year, if at all.  But we did, and it was PERFECT for our little family.

So I guess what I’m TRYING to say is that I just need to trust that God who let me know what to do before.  He’ll let me know again.  And until then, Mirena it is.

Oh, and I did take a pregnancy test in Big Y today.  We stopped in there to find my Gorton’s Fishermans and some chocolate chunks (why o why do we have to travel to find the foods that we love?) and I was SO NASEUS that I was going to drive us ALL crazy wondering until I just KNEW.  Mirena and all, we convince ourselves of crazy things sometimes.  I felt very Juno.  Except that I’m 26, and the only adoption that’ll go on in the future will hopefully add more children to our family, and my husband and baby were waiting outside the bathroom door.  And I’ve never met Jennifer Garner.  Anyway.  Good times.

Peace and Post Itchy

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

This weekend was a peaceful one for me.  John and I finally got to go to the temple, which I haven’t done since before I was sick and pregnant.  For about a year now I haven’t been able to go anywhere with ease, especially places that required me to sit for long periods of time without easy access to a bathroom.  It might have even been almost a year for me since I went to the temple, the last time I wrote about it was last May.  That is crazy. For me, going to the temple is a very important part of faith- as I don’t always feel the peace I need to at our regular, local church meetings.  There is something in the busy, people-planned nature of our meeting each Sunday that makes it personal, personable, and too hectic to really feel peace at times.  But the temple is only peace.  I go there and leave everything else outside, and I feel like I really understand that I am a daughter of God.  It’s a good, centering experience.

That said, getting to the temple wasn’t a centering exprience.  We relied on Cynthia, who decided to take us into the very middle of Boston (as in, “Hello, Big Dig”(is that still going on?)) and all around East Jibippi before we finally realized that she needed more precise coordinates to find the Temple.  As we drove around neighborhoods and back streets, I really thought I was going to throw her out the window.  It was especially funny when she said, “Arriving at destination on right” as we pulled up to some boating store.  I was all, “Well, maybe it’s…no.  It’s not behind the boating store.” WRONG DESTINATION CYNTHIA.   Seriously, lots of Dunkin Donuts in Boston.  Lots of them.  When we got into a town where I know a blogger-friend lives, I thought about knocking on doors til I found her to 1) introduce myself and 2) see if she’d direct me to the temple.  And because it seemed to make about as much sense as listening to Cynthia.  In the end, the iPhone saved us.  And John gloated.

We also accidentally found and REI on our trip, which was AWESOME because we got a dividend (= free money) that we wanted to spend.  I ended up getting a new bag for our trip out west for practically nothing after the dividend and a membership discount- and although I feel like I’m always posting: hey look what I got! (Cause I am, and I should stop, but it’s COUPONS yo.  AND DISCOUNTS.  and SMART SHOPPING.  I know I need to stop) I am going to show you anyway.

bag

Yay!  I’m using it as a diaper bag right now, cause although I love the one my Mom bought me before Camper was born, it’s not the best airplane option.  So I think I’ll give this one a spin for awhile, and maybe getting around to washing my Birdie one, so that I take good care of it.

Yeah, I like figuring out ways to get free stuff.  It’s kind of fun.  I was telling John that the weeks I don’t have coupons or dividends or points on the credit card or credits anywhere to get good deals, I end up just going to Price Chopper and getting buy 1 get 2 free English Muffins.  Because it just feels thrifty.

But anyway, yes.  I feel better about life this weekend.  I feel like with added peace the temple brings, we can be more patient in the job search, still hoping to find something to get us through school that doesn’t require John to work nights, more patient in waiting to figure out where I’ll go to school, more patient all around.  Other situations were resolved, as well, and now that I feel free of the pressure to be friends with someone when I just can’t, I feel free to be friend-LY.  I feel relief because I now know that someone won’t require of me more than I can give.

It’s funny, I didn’t update yesterday and ever since I got home last night I’ve felt all post-itchy.  Gotta post.  Gotta post.  Gotta post.  I think I may rely on you too much, internet.