I just went and got Camper out of his crib and he is snoozing next to me as I write this. Tip for first time parents: get a bouncy chair! We bought a swing and called it good, but then I realized: what if I have to go to the bathroom? Or wash dishes? Am I really going to lug the big swing around everywhere? Turns out Camper very nearly hates the swing and loves his little vibrating bouncy chair. It gives us a few minutes here and there to do some things we need or want to do while he is comfortable and happy. BOUNCY CHAIR. Totally worth it.
So John took the night shift last night, sleeping in Camper’s room and everything. I don’t really remember what exactly happened last night. I know I tried to take my “nap” around 10:30, and failed. It is SO FRUSTRATING to find yourself unable to sleep during alotted sleep time. I came back into the living room and ended up losing it because I was so tired and had missed my “sleep window.” Next thing I knew I was in bed (still sniffling, silly Erin) and falling asleep thinking that John was going to wake me in a couple hours so that I could get a little rest before hanging with C-Man while John slept. When John came in I opened my eyes and saw SUNSHINE outside of the window. SUNSHINE. That means it was pass 7am! In fact it was about 9am, and I had gotten (drumroll please) 7 HOURS OF SLEEP. IN A ROW. John is now sleeping a couple of hours before he goes to his class today, and I’m just super, super grateful for a husband that sees the breaking point and does more than kiss me on the forehead and say, “Sorry it’s so rough, love you, goodnight” and head off to bed. We are in a unique position at the moment in that we have given in to poverty, started living off our savings, and dedicated the time before we move to being home with Camper and allowing John as much time as possible to concentrate on school. This might be the only time we are ever able to do this- spend so much time together with our newborn baby. One day there will be real jobs and next time around we will have not one child but two. I’m just trying to appreciate what we’ve got going here, even though I would probably pay the NICU double if I could have my favorite nurse work nighshifts for us here at home for a week so I could cuddle and chat with John before falling asleep again.
Honestly, I think Camper is doing pretty well the last couple of days on the sleeping front. He has slept at least 3 or 4 hours in a row in his crib at night (starting at varied times) and about 2 or 3 hours crib sleep during the day. The rest of his sleep is either on John or myself, or in the bouncy chair. We really, really want to set him up to be an independent sleeper, which means following certain rules that make life a little difficult for us at times.
Rule #1) Camper does not sleep with us in our bed, or co-sleep at night.
I recognize that co-sleeping is important to some parents. I admit it does feel nice to have his little body next to mine. I do sometimes sleep with him in the little twin bed in his room during the day (ok….I did it ONCE in the big bed…but only during the day!!). The days that John has school all day can be tiring and sometimes I need a nap. You do what you have to do. But I am so reluctant to co-sleep with him at night because although a newborn is easy to sleep with, a three year old, I’m guessing, is not. I want him to be able to call out to us and have us come to comfort him, but not be in the habit of just “sleeping with Mom and Dad.”
Rule #2) After eating Camper gets crib time.
This may last 5 minutes, it may last 4 hours, it all depends on him. When he is full and changed and burped and comfy we lay him down in his crib. Sometimes he goes right to sleep, sometimes he screams, and sometimes he just lays there and looks at the stuff in his room. If he cries we comfort him, give him some love and put him back. Sometimes he does a fake cry, as in cries until we come into the room and then looks downright happy until we walk away. Then we just play with him for a minute and then leave him on his own again. When his cries escalate, we pick him up and give him love or see if he needs to burp. If he’s just playing I’ll generally leave him in there for about 15 minutes and then go and get him and bring him out to hang with us because he’s not sleepy. I relish the moments when I can teach him that he does NOT need to cry to get out of his crib, but just show us that he’s a happy, but not sleepy, baby.
Rule #3) Put a sleepy baby in bed, not a sleeping baby.
This happens more when I hold him than when John does, but sometimes Camper will get really wiggly, rub his eyes, and fuss a little when I’m rocking him. This tells me that he is tired but uncomfortable, and wonder of wonders, wants to stretch out in his crib to sleep. I like putting him in his crib when his eyes are open and pat his belly til he falls asleep because then he is AWARE he is in there. Then he is less likely to fall alseep on Mom or Dad and wake up all alone. Maybe he isn’t aware of anything this young, but as he gets older hopefully he’ll see that the crib is the sleeping place and be used to it.
Rule #4) When the eyes close, the pacifier comes out.
Oh my this one is hard. We use pacifiers to calm Camper down and to give him something to suck. Because he was breastfed for almost a month he grew accustomed to sucking, then eating, then sucking, then eating. With a bottle you can’t do this because it will drown him if he’s not swallowing, and if the bottle is empty you are asking for hours of gassy screaming if you let him just suck on air for a bit. Sometimes we use the pacifier in the middle of a feeding to slow him down a bit and simulate that “suckle, eat, suckle” routine he had going on before. Sometimes the pacifier will calm him down, but only if he’s bored, not if he’s angry or hungry or uncomfortable. When he falls asleep with a pacifier he will sleep until it falls out, and then there is screaming. Thus when he gets comfy and hopefully before he is really asleep we take the binky away and let him just go solo. Again, we hope that we’re setting him up to be able to sleep independent of a pacifier or being held or sleeping with Mommy and Daddy. We’ll see how it goes.
As I re-read this I think two things. First of all, a lot of our ideas came from The No Cry Sleep Solution, a book by Elizabeth Pantley. What I like so much about this book is that it does not say, “Do it this way.” It simply says that letting a baby “cry it out” and especially letting a newborn (who will not retain the “lesson” you are tyring to teach) “cry it out” is not really an effective way to teach a baby to sleep on his own. Instead it offers a bunch of different techniques for different age children to help them feel comfortable and secure, and know that if they wake up alone that you will be back and be able to get themselves back to sleep. It’s a totally non-inyourface type of book.
The second thing I’m realizing is that it sounds a little horrible. Why not just hold your baby? Why do you have to put him down all the time? Well, honestly, I would love to have the strength and energy (and hands) to hold him all the time. But the truth is I don’t. Big people need sleep, too. We also need to do laundry and eat and take showers. Sometimes we just need to feel like we COULD do those things if we wanted to. Also, Camper sleeps so much better in his bed. As cozy as he LOOKS cuddled up on your chest he is much happier when he is awake if he had some good crib time as opposed to arm time. We make sure we cuddle him lots (especially now that we bottle feed, we want him to feel secure and loved) but he needs good solid rest, too.
This is all quite a lot of work. It requires a lot of patience, and sometimes you just want to break down and do the easy thing. It’s so easy to fire up the heating pad and put him to sleep on your chest or lay him next to you in bed, stick his pacifier in and shut your eyes. Before we brought him home I had this idea in my head that “night feedings” meant that the baby would wake up and cry, we’d feed him, and he’d go back to sleep. I thought I’d be able to sleep in between. But can I tell you- no, that’s NOT necessarily how it works. So we’re working on it. Who knows if any of this effort will amount to anything at all. We mght be fighting this battle forever, but I really hope that doing the hard work now will result in a good, independent sleeper later. We will see!
OH! And here’s a little bit of info for you. YOUR BABY WILL SLEEP LIKE AN ANGEL IN THE HOSPITAL. DO NOT ASSUME THAT THIS WILL BE HOW LIFE IS WHEN YOU GET HOME. I remember thinking to myself, “Oh my gosh, my baby is amazing. Eats, sleeps for 3.5 hours. Diaper change, repeat! I’d be totally fine if he kept this up!” But our favorite nurse let us in on a little secret. Birth is a traumatic process, so the first couple days after he came out Camper slept almost nonstop. However, when you get them home they feel better, more energetic, and they’re getting used to the world. All this translates into CRYING. More than you ever knew. Take advantage of your time in the hospital to sleep a little. Trust me, you’re gonna need it.
