So I’m sitting here listening to my child cry. No, SCREAM. It seems after months of going to bed when we lay him down (happily I might add, with a smile and sometimes a wave and a wiggle-in showing his appreciation of blankets) he’s decided that he HATES going to bed. Naptimes have been all messed up, sometimes two a day, sometimes one. Sometimes he totals two hours of sleep during the day, sometimes four. Sometimes he wakes up at 5am, sometimes at 8am. We’re in a flux. And it’s not fun. And I have no idea what to do. So here I sit, after John and I both went up twice with cuddling and singing and reading books, listening to my child cry like he’s never cried before. What sucks even more is that I have to wonder if my parents think we should just go HOLD him already- even though they pretty much understand that sometimes we have to let him cry. But it has to suck to be the grandparent in this case. I’m pretty sure.
Still crying, just so you know.
Today was pretty…interesting. I go through cycles of super activity and getting things done and staying on top of keeping the floors clean (a full time job, I swear) for my child who LIVES ON THE FLOOR. Those cycles are inevitably followed by a “What the crap, is this my job? the floor won’t stay clean ANY ONE WHO HAS BEEN OUTSIDE MUST NOW STAY THERE THE END and is there really more laundry to do what am I supposed to do without a car my kid is bored and I can’t in good conscience let him watch any more TV and what is AN HELP MEET anyway?” So yeah. Today was that second kind of day. (And for the record, I don’t find staying home with my child is synonymous with “help meet.” I kind of think John and I are each other’s help meets. We just have different roles right now. And with that, I stop saying help meet. Because it annoys me.)
Kid still crying. Now it’s morphed into a low, demon-like growl/bark combined with piteous whining in between. If he hadn’t of prolonged his bedtime for a week now, I’d just go hold him already. But yo, it’s been like a week. A week of no relaxing evenings. A week of holding the kid on and off for two hours while he tries to play and then listening to him cry. He’s got to figure out bedtime again. Please stop crying soon.
So ANYWAY, back to this morning. When it was 10am and my child was already bored, I knew I was in trouble. He didn’t have the patience to wait through me getting ready and making myself presentable to actually GO somewhere…he’d want to nap before I got done with that. And I couldn’t just take him outside because it was all drizzly. So I was sitting in the living room weight the brain damage ONE MORE Blue’s Clues would do when my Mother swooped in and asked if she could take him out to get some Christmas cards and some lunch. I was like, “Er, YES!” and then instead of even cleaning stuff while she was gone, I got back into bed and just laid there. I might have slept, I might not have. I did some thinking, the kind when you release control over your brain and just let it think and you don’t even think about what you’re thinking about you just let it go and then you don’t remember what you thought about afterward. And the rest of the day felt better, lighter somehow. La La and Camper got home, she put him down for a nap, I went to teach piano, came home and taught more piano, and now I’m listening to my child scream.
Still.
So I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went up to try and comfort the sobbing child and there he is standing in his crib signing for food.
A packet and a half of oatmeal and a banana later I am a horrible mother. Sheesh. “My child won’t go to bed whine whine whine whine,” and he was just hungry.
Turns out that this has been an awesome day. And now he’s in his bed not crying, knock on wood. He’s still talking, which probably means he’s going to poop soon, or has pooped. But at least he’s not crying. I’ll go up with another diaper in a second.
*I guess I should tell you the good part of my day (aside from when my mother lovingly cared for my child while I had small mental meltdown) that in making my piano rounds I was given a beautiful Poinsettia plant (very Holiday-ish, very nice) and Camper was given a very nice gift, as well. It was so sweet of them to think of us! Makes me feel like I should bring gifts, back. Maybe I’ll get John to make cookies.
