Little Kite Girl

So, my kid hits his head at least four times a day.  It’s about 8am and he’s already experienced konk of the day numero uno.  He was doing a weird little pole climbing act on his Galloping Jumperoo, and down he swung.  It’s gotten to the point that he lets out one raucous cry, I pick him up, he snuggles in and then looks back at whatever he was doing or wants to get back on the floor and play.  I don’t know if this is bad or good…do you think he will actually damage his noggin?  I’m afraid of him hurting himself, but I’m more afraid of the consequences of sheltering him from gravity.  It’s a pretty powerful influence in this world, and I think the sooner he learns the ins and outs, the better.

Moving on…I forgot to write about our second week on our wee budget.  We had our meeting again on Sunday, which actually really helps me stay motivated I think.  For richer or poorer, right?  But anyway…We went over our budget this week.  There were a few items that trippped us up.  First of all, a $40 haircut for moi.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t deal without basic grooming.  Since I have short hair at the mo, it has to happen a little more often.  But I’m hoping I make up for it with using less shampoo and conditioner…do you think?  Then we had the piano tuner come.  My mom and I went halfsies (although I still owe her part) so that was $50.  Finally, add in $20 extra for groceries (I deviated from the LIST!) and $10 for a couple of T-shirts and some shorts for Camper…and we’re sitting at a balance of -$120.  Ouch, that over 200% of our weekly budget.  Interestingly enough, I don’t feel too discouraged by this situation.  If anything I feel like we learned a little something or other.  First of all, the extra money that we had in the account from last month more than covered our overage.  The only reason we had extra money in there was because we didn’t spend every single cent we earned.  Crazy, right?  Also, we purposefully set our budget at what would cover the bare minimum, so that when we needed things like haircuts or a couple extra outfits for our son, we’d think twice.  Does this matter enough to spend the money on?  We decided yes, and in the end, it all worked out.  I just have to remind myself that we were able to cover these “extra” expenses this time around because we adhered to our budget so perfectly last week.

I wonder when and where I got into the habit of spending more money than I have?  It’s not something that my Mom and Dad taught me to do.  They are very frugal people, and while we’ve never been rich, I don’t remember ever wanting for anything that I needed growing up. Through high school and college I stayed within my small income.  I honestly think it was Utah.  It wasn’t until I went out there, the supposed land of provdient living, with all of the shopping and the restaurants and the pressure to have cute clothes and get (and subsequently pay for, at least SOMEONE was paying for them, anyway) lots of dates that I started to use credit and rely on school loans to pay off my debt.  BAD CYCLE, PEOPLE.  It’s not Utah’s fault…per say…but let’s just say that I found out where the problem started.  I just count myself lucky that what I’m dealing with is a habit and a small amount of debt (school debt, and then some debt from our move east, oh how it lingers…) and not a few maxed out credit cards.  At least whatever sense God gave me kept me from that problem, huh?

To be perfectly honest, and this might be too honest for some, I think it was a bit of depression.  Not the all out need medication kind of depression…more like, “Life is coming along a little too slowly, it’s a long winter here in New England” kind of depression.  When we very first got here, we were still waiting to see if John found and got into a program for grad school, he was looking for a job that allowed him to be with his family at some point during the day or weekend (aka not working nights…), and I was dealing with what my role as a mommy is really worth.  I didn’t feel like I was doing much, as my kid was 3-6 months old, and not really doing too much yet.  I’m sad that it took us this long to stop buying tons of unneccesary stuff and putting ourselves on a budget, but at least we got here.  Now instead of spending money we don’t have, I think about how great John’s grad program is for him, about how grateful I am for his job (although it is an hour commute…) and for the extra I pick up teaching piano.  I’ve also fallen more deeply into my role as a SAHM- the “non working” contributor to my family.  I might not make a full-time wage, but the nights when I go to bed exhausted after just playing with my kid all day let me know that I must be doing something right.  I’m definitely not on vacation, let’s just put it that way.

I guess I’m just grateful.

There is also gratitude for this safe space we’ve been given to learn these little lessons, to get grad school in order, and to be with family.  I’m actually happy to have my Mom and Dad around all the time, and I know they love having us (us=Camper) here, as well.

The other day I was telling John about a story my Mom told me about when she and my Dad were first married.  They had saved money so she could buy something, I’m pretty sure it was a typewriter, and after a long time of saving and putting money aside they finally had enough and went to go buy it.  When they pulled up to the store my Mom got out of their car and looked down at the tire.  She turned to my Dad and asked, “What’s this shiny thing?”  Well, that shiny thing was a dead tire with the metal coming through the tread. (I don’t know the official term for metal popping through the tread, please forgive me…)   The money they saved would need to go to new tires.   This was where the story always ended for me.  The absolute disappointment, the sadness that I thought she must have felt at not getting something she wanted.  The sadness my Dad must have felt seeing my Mom have to give something up that she wanted.  Looking at it from a new perspective, though, I can see the other side.  I can see that although yeah…it sucked…they went to bed that night having taken care of their family, having the ability to provide the necessities of life for themselves.  I wonder if it felt good right then, or if it’s just the years of living like that and their continued ability to provide that feels good.

As for my little family, I’m just glad we’re on the right track now, for sure.