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Posts Tagged ‘money’

An hourly wage. (Heavy reading.)

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

So, I’m going back to work.  More than just piano, because I really, really want to save some money.  Every month we use ALL of our money.  Towards debt, towards bills, towards living.  We are barely making it- which seems to be what a lot of people are doing.  As John told me the other day, we will barely be making it until he is able to find a better job.  Which with some different effort on our parts, will hopefully happen soon.  I would love to teach piano more, but I would need child care.  I would love to take advantage of the “payroll experience needed” part time jobs I’ve seen floating around, but I won’t put the Bubbs in daycare.  But I had an idea.

I can work at night.

I know what you’re thinking, “When will you sleep?”  Well, if I work part time, I can still sleep.   And I can nap when Camper naps.  And maybe, just maybe, I can build up a bit of a savings.

(And maybe I can break this seriously strong fear of working outside the home that I’ve built up this last year while I’ve been sequestered away.  I love being home with Camper, but it becomes an unhealthy obsession for me.  Home is good for so many things, family, fun, food, Fall (I didn’t actually mean for all of those to start with F) but it’s also good for helping me become afraid of the outside world.  I come here to hide, and it’s time to jump back out there before it gets any harder.  If only for a little while to prove to myself that I can still do it.)

I looked around this wonderful job-barren area and applied for a few things.  I absolutely love that we moved here thinking, “We can find a job, it’ll be good,” and it turns out that the only way you can find work here is if you are in the medical profession, or in sales.  Or know someone at a bank.  Anyway.  My ideal job was a 24 hour gym, which would also give me a place to work out.  However, they didn’t call.  Yesterday I applied and was given a job at Target.  Part of me hates to take just “any job,” because I know that I am qualified to do a lot of things.  I have some (albeit limited) experience, I have a degree.  I am good at what I do, whatever that is, and however stuck up that sounds.  This is not due to some super-human ability, but because I simply like to do things well.  I am blessed in that I can seriously enjoy SOME PART of whatever I am doing.  It’s like rose-colored classes for the employed.  However, wanting to work NIGHTS, my options were really, really limited.  Turns out that simple retail jobs pay pretty good for overnight, though.  So that’s a plus. (I looked for the kind of job where you can sit around and listen to oldish people sleep, call 911 if necessary, and maybe put some coffee on in the morning.  didn’t find one.)(I wish I were a nurse, or had the stomach to become one.  Or even a RNA.  Or even trained in CPR.  Just kidding.)

So I’ll be working 15-25 hours a week from 3am to 8am, and John will be home with the Bubbs.  This pretty much means that everyone will get less sleep.  Which is sad.  But since I can’t a) find a job that allows me to work from home, or b) feel secure about childcare situation, I think that it’ll turn out well.  Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself???

The childcare thing is so tricky.  I’m sure I could get an office-type job during the day.  I like office-type jobs.  But working part time it’s not worth it to get daycare, and to tell you the truth, daycare scares the TAR out of me.  Also, if you aren’t 100% consistent, you end up paying for more than you need.  Uck.  I don’t know any other stay at home mommies that I’d feel secure leaving Camper with for a couple days a week, although I think this would be ideal.  If only one of my bloggie friends lived closer and we could trade shifts, or something.  As for the grandparents, I already count on my Mom for Tuesdays, and I think that’s quite enough.  When we moved here we made it clear that we were NOT going to treat my mom and dad like babysitters- although they do that quite often and quite well.  We always try to prearrange our “outings” so as not to take advantage of my parent’s here-ness.  (Although we occasionally do sneak out after Camper has fallen asleep, leaving the monitor with the padres.  Oh how nice that is, to take a drive in the evening after the baby has gone to sleep.)  My parents are young and have things they like and want to do- and they get to see Camper all the time without needing to be his caregiver.

So nighttime it is.

There’s some odd part of me looking forward to this.  I can still be home with my kid!  I might be a little tired, but I’ll have some more adult interaction.  I will see money going into our savings account. (I’m planning on having it direct deposited right into savings, DON’T TOUCH THE SAVINGS ERIN!!!!)

So yes.  I start later this month. I shall tell you how working for Target goes.  I liked working for Vicky’s…and I like shopping at Target.  So maybe it’ll all round out somewhere.

Random bitter aside meant to give me some closure: Somewhere in the back of my head I hear some of my old employers spouting out about Rich Dad Poor Dad, how life is a rat race and if you get into the mode of struggling to make it, you’ll never make it.  Well you know what?  We’re all just doing what we can to make our lives good ones with the chances we’ve been given and the ones we make for ourselves.  Sorry if my plan isn’t imaginative or revolutionary.  I think we’re all caught up in thinking that we have to do something “special.”  All I have to do is look at my kid to realize that we’re all doing something special, we do a million special things every day. It’s people like you who tell us that ordinary is unworthy that degrade wonderful, common, human contribution. You tried to make me think that your sleeplessness was because you had too many ideas, too many things to do.  Now I realize that you are afraid of the quiet because that’s when you realize how worthless what you’ve built is, and how easily it can fall.  Someone should write the book about people who just get by and enjoy life.  I’d read that one.  I’d even help write it ;)

Nutshell: I’d rather be in my loving, amazing family and struggle with money for forever, than be some other rich people I know.  Not all rich people.  Some are amazing and nice and just rich on top of it.  But I think you get where I’m going with that.

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Posted in Adventures, Day to day | 2 Comments »

Hole in the Boat

Monday, July 20th, 2009

Once upon a time I worked in accounting.  I was responsible for getting people paid, and sometimes things happened.  Sometimes the systems didn’t work the way they were supposed to, sometimes people didn’t…sometimes I had to take lots of money out of people’s paychecks because of mistakes they made or things they didn’t pay for.  I remember a comment I made once when someone got upset because their direct deposit didn’t go through and they weren’t able to pay their bills.  I didn’t say it to his face, of course, but behind his back.  Which is why, I’m sure, that it’s coming back to bite me.  The haughty words of fasle confidence were:

“I have enough money in my account whether or not I get paid today at 8am.  Why don’t people have their lives together?”

I, like many other students/recent grads out there, was confused.  I thought that having some money left over from my student loan in my account meant that I had my life together.  I thought that I had money.  I didn’t realize that what I had sitting in my account was debt.

Today was the first time ever that I had to sit down and look at our account and wonder if and when bills were going to clear.  I unwisely spent my food budget for two weeks last week, thinking that I’d get a bigger load of stuff while John was still here, putting off shopping until he got back.  Then we went out to see a movie, something we haven’t done in months.  I knew I was going over budget, but I didn’t realize that $40 would be such a big deal to me.  I wrote a personal check for another monthly expense, I went about my Sunday…and then last night it hit me.  Car payment, due today.  Scheduled to be taken out of our account automatically.  Paycheck, coming on Wednesday, scheduled to come automatically.  The chronology of the situation wasn’t working out.  Add to that some gas for the car, our frivilous Harry Potter weekend, the check I wrote, and whatever else was pending…and I started to get upset.

The thing is, we had scheduled money from savings to go into our checking account.  It was supposed to be there.  It would cover everything, but it didn’t go today.  We hope it gets there tomorrow.  We sold some stock.  Hopefully that money turns up soon.  There is money there to cover our needs, but if we can’t get at it, what good is it?  I asked my Mom to cover us til Wednesday, and although she lovingly told me “We’ve all been there,” I still feel like crap about it.  I know that John feels powerless, a couple hours away, he scheduled everything the other night and moved the money to where it needed to be…and it’s just not going.  I don’t know what will happen if everything tries to clear and it doesn’t.  It’s never happened to me before.

Seriously, on Wednesday everything could be just fine.  Two days from now.  We could have the other money transferred and we get paid and we promise to be a little more thrifty with what we spend, again, (honestly! one movie in 9 months…SERIOUSLY!!!) and the world goes on spinning.  Or some other random charge comes up and I’m left wondering again.

Really, everyone goes through this?

I hope for the time when we have paycheck(s) that cover needs AND wants, when we are able to save enough to REALLY have a cushion.  Not one made up of money that we had to fill out the FAFSA to qualify for.  We can do it, I just pray we’re given time to get there.  I think we’ve learned quite a lot in this economy.  A lot a lot.  And I’m going to tell you, once we get our feet under us, or even one foot, we’re not going to let it slip.  Maybe it’s a small lesson that will save us the big one.

I hesitate to write posts like this because they are, of course, SUPER way TOTALLY completely too personal.  But you know what?  I don’t care.  If someone can learn from our naivete, or if someone else can feel a little less desperate because Holy Crap she is going through this, too!  Then so be it.  I’ve gained strength from your stories, so here you go.  My sad little situation this evening, for your reassurance.  Your boat has a hole in it?  Mine does too.   But we’re fixing it, don’t worry.

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Posted in Adventures, Random unpleasant things | 4 Comments »

Probably too personal about money. Again.

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

So, my kid hits his head at least four times a day.  It’s about 8am and he’s already experienced konk of the day numero uno.  He was doing a weird little pole climbing act on his Galloping Jumperoo, and down he swung.  It’s gotten to the point that he lets out one raucous cry, I pick him up, he snuggles in and then looks back at whatever he was doing or wants to get back on the floor and play.  I don’t know if this is bad or good…do you think he will actually damage his noggin?  I’m afraid of him hurting himself, but I’m more afraid of the consequences of sheltering him from gravity.  It’s a pretty powerful influence in this world, and I think the sooner he learns the ins and outs, the better.

Moving on…I forgot to write about our second week on our wee budget.  We had our meeting again on Sunday, which actually really helps me stay motivated I think.  For richer or poorer, right?  But anyway…We went over our budget this week.  There were a few items that trippped us up.  First of all, a $40 haircut for moi.  I don’t know about you, but I can’t deal without basic grooming.  Since I have short hair at the mo, it has to happen a little more often.  But I’m hoping I make up for it with using less shampoo and conditioner…do you think?  Then we had the piano tuner come.  My mom and I went halfsies (although I still owe her part) so that was $50.  Finally, add in $20 extra for groceries (I deviated from the LIST!) and $10 for a couple of T-shirts and some shorts for Camper…and we’re sitting at a balance of -$120.  Ouch, that over 200% of our weekly budget.  Interestingly enough, I don’t feel too discouraged by this situation.  If anything I feel like we learned a little something or other.  First of all, the extra money that we had in the account from last month more than covered our overage.  The only reason we had extra money in there was because we didn’t spend every single cent we earned.  Crazy, right?  Also, we purposefully set our budget at what would cover the bare minimum, so that when we needed things like haircuts or a couple extra outfits for our son, we’d think twice.  Does this matter enough to spend the money on?  We decided yes, and in the end, it all worked out.  I just have to remind myself that we were able to cover these “extra” expenses this time around because we adhered to our budget so perfectly last week.

I wonder when and where I got into the habit of spending more money than I have?  It’s not something that my Mom and Dad taught me to do.  They are very frugal people, and while we’ve never been rich, I don’t remember ever wanting for anything that I needed growing up. Through high school and college I stayed within my small income.  I honestly think it was Utah.  It wasn’t until I went out there, the supposed land of provdient living, with all of the shopping and the restaurants and the pressure to have cute clothes and get (and subsequently pay for, at least SOMEONE was paying for them, anyway) lots of dates that I started to use credit and rely on school loans to pay off my debt.  BAD CYCLE, PEOPLE.  It’s not Utah’s fault…per say…but let’s just say that I found out where the problem started.  I just count myself lucky that what I’m dealing with is a habit and a small amount of debt (school debt, and then some debt from our move east, oh how it lingers…) and not a few maxed out credit cards.  At least whatever sense God gave me kept me from that problem, huh?

To be perfectly honest, and this might be too honest for some, I think it was a bit of depression.  Not the all out need medication kind of depression…more like, “Life is coming along a little too slowly, it’s a long winter here in New England” kind of depression.  When we very first got here, we were still waiting to see if John found and got into a program for grad school, he was looking for a job that allowed him to be with his family at some point during the day or weekend (aka not working nights…), and I was dealing with what my role as a mommy is really worth.  I didn’t feel like I was doing much, as my kid was 3-6 months old, and not really doing too much yet.  I’m sad that it took us this long to stop buying tons of unneccesary stuff and putting ourselves on a budget, but at least we got here.  Now instead of spending money we don’t have, I think about how great John’s grad program is for him, about how grateful I am for his job (although it is an hour commute…) and for the extra I pick up teaching piano.  I’ve also fallen more deeply into my role as a SAHM- the “non working” contributor to my family.  I might not make a full-time wage, but the nights when I go to bed exhausted after just playing with my kid all day let me know that I must be doing something right.  I’m definitely not on vacation, let’s just put it that way.

I guess I’m just grateful.

There is also gratitude for this safe space we’ve been given to learn these little lessons, to get grad school in order, and to be with family.  I’m actually happy to have my Mom and Dad around all the time, and I know they love having us (us=Camper) here, as well.

The other day I was telling John about a story my Mom told me about when she and my Dad were first married.  They had saved money so she could buy something, I’m pretty sure it was a typewriter, and after a long time of saving and putting money aside they finally had enough and went to go buy it.  When they pulled up to the store my Mom got out of their car and looked down at the tire.  She turned to my Dad and asked, “What’s this shiny thing?”  Well, that shiny thing was a dead tire with the metal coming through the tread. (I don’t know the official term for metal popping through the tread, please forgive me…)   The money they saved would need to go to new tires.   This was where the story always ended for me.  The absolute disappointment, the sadness that I thought she must have felt at not getting something she wanted.  The sadness my Dad must have felt seeing my Mom have to give something up that she wanted.  Looking at it from a new perspective, though, I can see the other side.  I can see that although yeah…it sucked…they went to bed that night having taken care of their family, having the ability to provide the necessities of life for themselves.  I wonder if it felt good right then, or if it’s just the years of living like that and their continued ability to provide that feels good.

As for my little family, I’m just glad we’re on the right track now, for sure.

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Posted in Rambles | 2 Comments »

$20

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

005

So John and I had our first weekly “financial” meeting.  This is something we agreed on last week when we set up our weekly budget and our budget calendar.  We write the amount of money we have to spend on Sunday, then deduct as we go through the week and write what we spent money on.  This week: grocery shopping, a birthday card for a friend and the pharmacy.  The ending total for this week: $20.  $20 left we COULD have done something with, but didn’t.  How cool is that?

Awesome.

So how hard was it?

Hmmm…

Well, I spend no money at all on Monday/Tuesday, and then went grocery shopping with John on Wednesday night.  It was actually kind of fun/romantic to go together.  Bubbs was asleep and my Mom and Dad listened for him (he didn’t wake up) and so we went on our own.  Held hands.  Made fun of the locals who go grocery shopping with their butts hanging out.*

Since I’ve moved here, I’ve started to shop the sales and use coupons a litle more, and often it requires me to go to different stores.  I’m starting to really like shopping with coupons.  My friend Emily sends me coupons for diapers and stuff in the mail from time to time (I love her, what an awesome way to say, “I’m thinking of you”) and we pull a few out of the paper.  This week we went to three different stores, although I think we can probably cut it down to two in the near future.  We made a list and stuck to it, and then just went without anything we forgot, putting in on the list for next week.  (Of course…it DOES help that my mother scopes out my list for things to add to hers.  Case in point: Paremesean Shake Cheese.  So I guess I’ll cross that one OFF my list for next week and just replenish the whole wheat tortillas I’ve been snacking on instead.  We’re food sharers around here.)

As for activities, we did a few things that required no money at all: the library, scouting out local activities, walking and swinging in the backyard.  I found that I had a lot more time at home this week for cooking the Bubbs good food, cleaning my home, studying for the GRE, and just being less frazzled.  I also started to do some serious research and am proud to say that I’ve got a few FREE activities lined up for the kiddo, as well as some plans to use library passes for the museums around here again.  I was a little anxious about the weekend, as after the food shopping and everything used up all of our budget except for $25.  I figured, “we can buy some cheap food for that much, eat some junk, have some fun.”  But it turned out that when it came down to it, we weren’t that interested.  If it weren’t for the grinders my Dad brought home on Thursday (thanks, Dad!) I would have gone one entire week without eating out.  And I think I would have survived.  I guess we’ll see this week.

Ok, some my big “learnings” from the first week of budgeting are as follows:

1) We survived without running to the grocery store every night.  We ate what we had, we made meal plans and shopping lists for this coming week, and no one starved to death.  Even when we had the chance to eat out, we opted to eat at home anyway.  When I was going to run into the store one night and grab a frozen pizza for dinner, I couldn’t bring myself to do it thinking about all the food we had at home.  Who knew such a change of heart would come to be?

2) We still had a really good Saturday.  We went to the library as a family, we took a long walk and got sodas with ICE and STRAWS (my favorite, bought with random change laying around…) and we cleaned the car.  It’s funny, when we were less focused on what to BUY on the weekend, our Saturday became about taking care of what we already had.  Imagine that.  It felt good.  I actually really had fun detailing the car with my husband, the radio playing, Bubbs taking a nap, enjoying a rare moment of sunshine.  It just felt peaceful and good.  Especially compared to last week when we drove out to the mall in NY and felt rushed, annoyed and generally stressed out.

3)  I didn’t feel deprived.  When I thought about buying something, I didn’t just say “no.”  I went to check it out.  On Friday my Mom and I went to the fabric store to see what it would cost to make some skirts I’ve been wanting to make.  I left my credit card and bank card on the counter in the kitchen, and off we went.  I looked at prices of patterns and fabric, found a few cute things I could make for the Bubbs, and just generally thought it over.  I decided that although sewing COULD be very cost effective if you intended to use a pattern more than once…it’s not the time to start a new hobby.  I can do just as well shopping the sales if and when I really need a new skirt.  As for right now…I’m fine.

4)  If you’re patient, you’ll find what you need.  I’ve spent a little over a week looking for a way to take Bubbs swimming…affordably.  If he were older I would have NO PROBLEM spending a little more money on a pool membership or lessons, but because I have no idea how often we’ll go, I wanted CHEAP.  I went to two or three places, asked some friends and went online, and ended up getting him a membership at the YMCA.  $3 a month.  That’s it.  I can take him swimming every day if I want for just $3 a month, not extra charge for me to go with him.  It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.  It took a little investigative work, but it worked out.

5)  I feel less anxious about money in general.  So we still have some debt.  So we’re not rich.  So we still have a few years before we get all the way through school and have careers that will help us afford more of our “wants,” but you know what?  I feel BETTER about that when we’re on a budget.  I feel like we’re doing what we can, and that it’s enough to get us through.

6)  You have more time.  I think we spend a lot of time adding things to our life instead of enjoying/taking care of what we already have.  We read books we already had.  We listened to music we already had.  Bubbs spent less time in the stroller at the mall and more time learning to crawl and dance (both his big acheivements of the week).  I had more time to study and more time to work on goals like making menus and making better food.  I had more time to rest.  I also feel more a part of our community, a result of taking walks and interacting with people instead of looking for things.

So here’s to week two.  Hope it stays this easy…

*Seriously, John saw this guy struggling to open a jar of pickles at our “value” grocery store.  The one we go to because it’s WAY cheap and you can get GOOD STUFF for NO MONEY…but have to buy your own bags and put a quarter in the cart as a deposit and put up with the locals.  But ANYWAY…he was going to help him open the pickles but then he saw that his ENTIRE BUTT was hanging out.  So he didn’t.  I saw it later and it stopped me in my tracks.  A BUTT.  IN THE GROCERY STORE.  I mean, not just crack, the whole shabang.  John said later, “I was really confused as to why he would bother to wear a belt at all if he was just going to let his pants hang down like that.”  I said, “I’m sorry, I was to distracted by his GIANT NAKED CRACK to see that he was wearing a belt.”

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Posted in Adventures, Day to day | No Comments »