Entries RSS Comments RSS

Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

On the Job

Monday, June 1st, 2009

I remember when I was working (it didn’t matter which job, this was pretty universal) that there would be days when I would wake up and want nothing to do with my “usual day.”  I felt willing to pay any amount of money just to switch my life with someone else’s for the day.  I hadn’t felt that way in motherhood until this morning.  (Just as a note, I did not want to switch my child with someone else’s, I just wanted SLEEP).  When you have a newborn, you’re almost too sleep deprived to know that you’re sleep deprived, just cracked out enough that you don’t know how bad it hurts.  As Camper gets older, when he doesn’t sleep, it hurts.  Yesterday was a big long cry it out day- which rolled into a big long cry it out night.  He’s getting quite the attitude, and I think I’m learning when he’s being ‘tudy and not just needy.  And last night he was full of ‘tude.

I ended up falling asleep and waking up again at some point, John was getting ready for work, and Camper started crying AGAIN.  Seriously, kid!  What’s the issue?  I feel bad to say that he didn’t get a lot of cuddles from me this morning.  He did get a diaper change, and he did get a big warm bottle, and he did get to lay propped on a pillow next to while I turned the other way and closed my eyes again.  He ate his breakfast, and we went downstairs to make John’s lunch.  At that point I remembered those mornings when I really didn’t want my job anymore.  Realizing that this is a job I don’t actually want to give up, even if I could, I decided to just be busy instead.  I spent some time looking out of Camper’s bedroom window.  We like to watch the trees wave in the wind and see what kind of day it is, and he likes to chew on the back of the chair while we look.  Then he played on the floor with some toys while I organized his clothes and changed his bedsheets.  Then I cleaned my room up while he played on the bed and watched channel 2.  When he napped I napped, which kind of helped with the less than fabulous sleep I got last night.  After that we went out with Lala to get groceries (he loves the cart) and to return the bathing suit from Hades that I ordered with my Lands End giftcard.  Free stuff gone awry, I tell you.

After that I had some alone time while I ran out to get John some “business casual” attire for his new job.  We don’t want him to wear his good suit pants out at a job when he can wear Dockers.  Then it was home again for some Strawberry Spinach Salad (thanks, Mom) and some cuddles from the Bubbs, who apparently still loves me.  I’m currently listening to him yell, something about not wanting to nap…but seriously.  He NEEDS it.  Hopefully he’ll sleep better tonight.  But if not, there’s always naptime.

Bear (Bare) Necessities

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008

As I was in the shower this morning I began to sing that song from the Jungle Book in my head as I contemplated whether or not it would be better to shave one leg (hoping, of course to get to the other one next time) or leave both alone altogether if Camper started screaming.  Luckily it was a call I didn’t have to make because he even stayed asleep long enough for me to put some lotion on after shower, what a luxury!  I feel almost like a person today.  Probably because John has been helping a LOT at night due to my fever and mastitis- I really do need to get feeling better though or we’re going to end up with a sick Daddy in this house, too.  I feel like I am on the mend, for sure.  I’m am very, very glad to be married to a man that puts family (and by extension family sanity) first and takes care of me so well.

It is funny how things change when you have a little person to care for.  On top of the fact that I haven’t sleep in the same bed with my husband for more than a couple hours a week and I haven’t dusted my house since my Mom was here- I’m just a little obsessed with my child.  I think about him and talk about him all the time.  I’m started to feel like I have more time with him, and I honestly think it’s to do with bottle feeding.  He stays fuller longer and when he’s done eating I’m not in so much pain that I just want him in his crib.  This leads to us chatting, reading books, and playing bouncy chair together.  I’m starting to learn his faces and his sounds (for instance, he has two stretching noises: one sounds more like an elephant and means “Gotta move, uncomfortable!” and one sounds like a horse and means, “oooo…I’m cozy.”  Then he has a “don’t you dare touch me” scream he does when he doesn’t want to be moved, and his cry increases in volume every day.)  I love the way he looks at the pictures above his changing table and the way he checks out the bookshelves when he’s sitting in the living room.  I love the stage he’s in right now, but as I look forward I can’t wait to buy him shoes and backpacks and make him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

This is actually rather comforting because there was a time I worried that it’d be like the kitten thing, where I love the idea of having a kitten but as soon as it becomes a cat I grow disinterested.  But no.  I will always be interested in this boy of mine.  One day he will be a man, and that will be amazing to see.  Last night John was chatting with him about missions (after seeing a music video for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir…not sure they should do that) and he said, “And your Mommy will CRY….” and I looked at my tiny boy and realised how fast it really is going to go.  It might not seem that way at 3 or 4 am when I haven’t slept and he doesn’t seem like he’s going to, either…but it will.  I just need to capture things as we go along.

In other news…well, there is no other news.  My life is totally consumed by my child at the moment.  I am planning on having more of a life, soon, but first I need to feel better (oh please, please feel better) and then get a little more used to our non-scheduled life.  By the time I get used to it I’ll probably find him becoming more scheduled.

But for now…just the bare necessities….

The Things that are Different

Saturday, October 11th, 2008

So, I’ve been a Mom for about 3 weeks now.  Being home is nice, much nicer than the hospital.  And the trend of unexpected things continues.  First of all, Camper lost his belly button and pee pee ring.  Now, when he was curcumsized I asked the doctor if the pee pee ring would just come off…or dangle.

He said it may dangle.

Which began over a week of anticipation of an awkward diaper moment when he has a dangling ring hanging off his you know and me freaking that it’s hurting him and not wanting to pull at it or hold him because it might rip it off and scar him for life.

When John changed his diaper this morning it was just chillin’ in there, not connected to anything.  PHEW.  The baby is now able to be bathed, which makes me hope that we can create a bedtime routine sometime soon.  Bath with lavender soap, food, BED.  We’ll see.

Other than that, I’ve officially got mastitis.  It’s not all out bad right yet…luckily we caught it fast.  All I have to say is WOW, fun.  What was really fun was a trip to the BYU urgent care center to see an old guy who went and got a chaperon before he examined me, although my husband AND son were in the room.  He gave me a perscription but said that I should try and take care of it naturally first (something I subscribe to, because of my allergy to pennicilin I try not to overtake any of the antibiotics I CAN take) so guess who’s pumping again.  Just tonight I’ve begun to reevaluate if breastfeeding is the best choice for me- been reading a lot again and taking into account lots of different things, so we will see.  I think I may be prone to mastitis in general for reasons I won’t get in to…so we will see.  It would seem like a waste after all the education I’ve recieved with regard to pumping and breastfeeding.  But at least my choice will be an educated one.

Other new things: I’ve learned how Mom’s can get through most of the day without showering.  It is the result of waking up, feeding a baby who spits up all over himself, then thinking “I’ll just change him real quick and then jump in the shower while he naps” and then having him pee on his FACE while changing his diaper.  Then, of course, my duty is to my child, who I could have possibly let sit in a wee bit of spit up while I shower, but I can NOT let him sit with remnants of pee on his face.  So I bath him, which he screams through, and then give him the boob because he’s freaking out, and then I’m so hungry I could die…so I eat.  Next time I look at the clock it’s 1pm and I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet.  Amazing.

Also, my house is getting progressively messier.  John is a big help, when I start crying he starts straightening up and doing the dishes (and he does a lot of pre-crying work, too) and that helps…but I think I might use this opportunity to try and get over the OCD that took over a large part of life while pregnancy hormones reigned.  We will see.

Hmmm…what else?  Oh yeah, I used to go to the bathroom every hour, at least.  An empty bladder is a happy bladder, I always say.  I think I need to get over it and figure out how to pee while holding Camper.  Is that wrong?  Not as wrong as a happy combo UTI/Mastitis infection.

I have an ever growing list of things I really want to get done.  Camper’s baby book, a journal detailing the events of his birth, etc.  Thank you notes for everyone who has helped us, some small monument erected in the backyard in honor of my mother who helped me SO MUCH.  You know, the usual stuff.  But I still find myself in the same cycle: wake, pee, feed Camper, eat something, wash 1 thing in the house, fall alseep…start again.

And finally- we DID get new winter shoes.  Hello plushy boots!  Not a knockoff this time.  Sweeeet.