So, I’m going back to work. More than just piano, because I really, really want to save some money. Every month we use ALL of our money. Towards debt, towards bills, towards living. We are barely making it- which seems to be what a lot of people are doing. As John told me the other day, we will barely be making it until he is able to find a better job. Which with some different effort on our parts, will hopefully happen soon. I would love to teach piano more, but I would need child care. I would love to take advantage of the “payroll experience needed” part time jobs I’ve seen floating around, but I won’t put the Bubbs in daycare. But I had an idea.
I can work at night.
I know what you’re thinking, “When will you sleep?” Well, if I work part time, I can still sleep. And I can nap when Camper naps. And maybe, just maybe, I can build up a bit of a savings.
(And maybe I can break this seriously strong fear of working outside the home that I’ve built up this last year while I’ve been sequestered away. I love being home with Camper, but it becomes an unhealthy obsession for me. Home is good for so many things, family, fun, food, Fall (I didn’t actually mean for all of those to start with F) but it’s also good for helping me become afraid of the outside world. I come here to hide, and it’s time to jump back out there before it gets any harder. If only for a little while to prove to myself that I can still do it.)
I looked around this wonderful job-barren area and applied for a few things. I absolutely love that we moved here thinking, “We can find a job, it’ll be good,” and it turns out that the only way you can find work here is if you are in the medical profession, or in sales. Or know someone at a bank. Anyway. My ideal job was a 24 hour gym, which would also give me a place to work out. However, they didn’t call. Yesterday I applied and was given a job at Target. Part of me hates to take just “any job,” because I know that I am qualified to do a lot of things. I have some (albeit limited) experience, I have a degree. I am good at what I do, whatever that is, and however stuck up that sounds. This is not due to some super-human ability, but because I simply like to do things well. I am blessed in that I can seriously enjoy SOME PART of whatever I am doing. It’s like rose-colored classes for the employed. However, wanting to work NIGHTS, my options were really, really limited. Turns out that simple retail jobs pay pretty good for overnight, though. So that’s a plus. (I looked for the kind of job where you can sit around and listen to oldish people sleep, call 911 if necessary, and maybe put some coffee on in the morning. didn’t find one.)(I wish I were a nurse, or had the stomach to become one. Or even a RNA. Or even trained in CPR. Just kidding.)
So I’ll be working 15-25 hours a week from 3am to 8am, and John will be home with the Bubbs. This pretty much means that everyone will get less sleep. Which is sad. But since I can’t a) find a job that allows me to work from home, or b) feel secure about childcare situation, I think that it’ll turn out well. Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself???
The childcare thing is so tricky. I’m sure I could get an office-type job during the day. I like office-type jobs. But working part time it’s not worth it to get daycare, and to tell you the truth, daycare scares the TAR out of me. Also, if you aren’t 100% consistent, you end up paying for more than you need. Uck. I don’t know any other stay at home mommies that I’d feel secure leaving Camper with for a couple days a week, although I think this would be ideal. If only one of my bloggie friends lived closer and we could trade shifts, or something. As for the grandparents, I already count on my Mom for Tuesdays, and I think that’s quite enough. When we moved here we made it clear that we were NOT going to treat my mom and dad like babysitters- although they do that quite often and quite well. We always try to prearrange our “outings” so as not to take advantage of my parent’s here-ness. (Although we occasionally do sneak out after Camper has fallen asleep, leaving the monitor with the padres. Oh how nice that is, to take a drive in the evening after the baby has gone to sleep.) My parents are young and have things they like and want to do- and they get to see Camper all the time without needing to be his caregiver.
So nighttime it is.
There’s some odd part of me looking forward to this. I can still be home with my kid! I might be a little tired, but I’ll have some more adult interaction. I will see money going into our savings account. (I’m planning on having it direct deposited right into savings, DON’T TOUCH THE SAVINGS ERIN!!!!)
So yes. I start later this month. I shall tell you how working for Target goes. I liked working for Vicky’s…and I like shopping at Target. So maybe it’ll all round out somewhere.
Random bitter aside meant to give me some closure: Somewhere in the back of my head I hear some of my old employers spouting out about Rich Dad Poor Dad, how life is a rat race and if you get into the mode of struggling to make it, you’ll never make it. Well you know what? We’re all just doing what we can to make our lives good ones with the chances we’ve been given and the ones we make for ourselves. Sorry if my plan isn’t imaginative or revolutionary. I think we’re all caught up in thinking that we have to do something “special.” All I have to do is look at my kid to realize that we’re all doing something special, we do a million special things every day. It’s people like you who tell us that ordinary is unworthy that degrade wonderful, common, human contribution. You tried to make me think that your sleeplessness was because you had too many ideas, too many things to do. Now I realize that you are afraid of the quiet because that’s when you realize how worthless what you’ve built is, and how easily it can fall. Someone should write the book about people who just get by and enjoy life. I’d read that one. I’d even help write it ;)
Nutshell: I’d rather be in my loving, amazing family and struggle with money for forever, than be some other rich people I know. Not all rich people. Some are amazing and nice and just rich on top of it. But I think you get where I’m going with that.
